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Please help, first relationship and i need some advice

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  • Please help, first relationship and i need some advice

    Iíve been dating my first boyfriend for 10 months now, but lately iím having doubts. He is a great guy and i see that he truly cares for me, but iím not sure i want to keep going. I donít feel exited when iím with him, i donít feel the sparks when i hug or kiss him, or any ecstatic feelings people describe when being in love and iím afraid that thereís someone more suited for me out there because this is only my first relationship. Still, when i think about breaking up with him, i feel very sad knowing that i will break his heart and that i will no longer be with him anymore. Maybe i still care a lot about him. What should i do?

  • #2
    How old are you?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      There is a difference between love and being in love.
      Ofcourse the ecstatic feeling fades over time.
      Love is more about a commitment that you make to someone that you care a great deal about, and who makes you happy and inspires you.
      So of course you care about your bf - I mean 10 months is a lot for a first relationship.
      But you have to come to terms with your own emotions on this one.

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      • #4
        It's unfair to him to continue the relationship. Break it off with him so he can move on with his life and you, too. You'll break his heart even more if you continue stringing him along despite how you're not in love and committed to this relationship with him. Better to get the pain over and done with now than later which is worse IMHO.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          I've been having relationships for around 7/8 years now, and I can tell you that they all had one thing in common - this really happy and excited drowning in love feeling does fade. It doesn't necessarily mean a lack of love, but people get used to each other by time. He's still the same guy you started out with 10 months ago, but now you know a lot more about him, so the mystery and excitement fades. There are still things you could do to spice it up, like do things that are uncommon in your routines, like go on a spontaneous date or picnic or just spend time together doing something like baking a cake or what not if you're into it.

          How old are you? Because truth be told, it is quite rare that people remain with their first boyfriend/girlfriend and I don't want to create false hope. If you're in doubt whether you love him or not, ask yourself these questions:
          1) Will you be hurt if you see him with someone else?
          2) Is there anyone you are genuinely interested in? Be honest with yourself, as I have tried to shrug this off because I wasn't true to myself and I ended up cheating. Please don't do it to your boyfriend, no matter the person, no one deserves it.
          3) Imagine yourself as an adult, settled down, buying and moving in a new house with a baby, starting off your family. Do you imagine him being the guy in this scenario?
          4) What is it you like most about him? What was the thing that got you so interested in the beginning that made you start a relationship with him? Is he supportive and understanding? Does he get you when no one else does? These are important values.

          If you need anything, feel free to message me anytime. I'm always happy to help. Good luck nonetheless x

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          • #6
            Dump him. It took me many many years to find my one and only and after that, it was cloud nine Every Single Day. I don't believe the bollocks that the excited feeling fades. When there is one man, one person, and one individual who inspires you every waking moment, is man enough and has the discipline, foresight, intelligence, immense capability for affection and love, you'll never be bored, you'll never lose that spark and you won't be second guessing yourself.

            Of course it's a two way street. If you're young and half-baked, make bad decisions in your life, and are none of those things that are positive in a relationship, you're not going to appreciate any of those qualities and what it contributes to a relationship long term. You've only got yourself to look at and maybe you just need to (dump him and) grow up.

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            • #7
              Don't waste your time and his time if you aren't feeling the match.
              You might hurt him, but by breaking up with him now yuo'll save him a much worse heartbreak down the line.
              You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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              • #8
                You probably just got bored of routine. Try changing things up a bit, like having a date in a new location or going on a weekend getaway together. If you're still bored after trying new things with him, then dump him.

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