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Just looking for opinions on what I should do at this point.

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  • Just looking for opinions on what I should do at this point.

    Hello everyone!!

    This is my first post. I didn't know where best to post this, so I just posted it in this section as it seemed to be for general discussion.

    I'm not sure where to start or how best to say all of this. Some thoughts expressed here are ones which I believe I'm the only one who can truly understand.

    So the thing is that I'm a 27 year old male, a virgin, and have never had a girlfriend. I've actually never really done anything involving women. My whole life I've felt especially ostracized by women compared to my fellow male counterparts. For whatever reason, I've always seemed to experience instant rejection from women, where other guys seem to always attract the interest of women relatively easy.

    This is something I've observed very closely for many years now in innumerable places and situations, and with uncountable people. It is something I've paid careful attention to. I know it's very easy to fall victim to confirmation bias, but I can say with a very high degree of certainty (as certain as certain can get) that there is something about me (either something I lack, or something I have) that immediately makes me an undesirable in the eyes of women. Women do not look at me as a potential option. Seems nomatter what I do, whether it's trying to start up a conversation or whatever, you can just see the look of aversion on their faces. They don't respond to me like they do other guys.


    On the other hand, I've sat there and watched how they instantly respond to other guys. I could go up to a girl and say something to break the ice and she will not even respond, or she will have a look on her face like "okay, please get away from me". Yet, another guy could walk up seconds after and say the exact same thing and she will respond with open arms and legs. It is truly remarkable, and I haven't even scraped the tip of the iceburg when it comes to the things that have happened to me over the years involving women.

    It has led me to believe that there is something badly wrong with me. I used to think it was just that I "hadn't met the right girl" or some crap like that, which is the standard, brainless euphemism everyone else feeds you. But now that I'm just shy of 30 years old, I can tell that there is genuinely something not right with this picture. Absolutely no woman I come across seems be happy that I'm within seeing distance from her. This has heen the case my entire life without exception.

    This seems to be the case with all women too, not just some or many. It is actually truly remarkable. It seems like women write me off from the very moment they first look at me. I see other guys getting girlfriends and otherwise deriving attention from women. For me, this NEVER happens. It is so much this way that it seems to be a fact of life that women aren't attracted to me. The idea of women liking me or having a gf is such a foreign and alien concept for me. It is something that just DOESN'T happen to me.

    At this point in my life I'm starting to get very depressed and upset over this. I haven't even scratched the surface of my life or history either. I'm not actually sure how to say it all, so I will leave it at this. Thanks for reading.

  • #2
    It's hard for me to tell you what is turning women off. Do you have a good female friend who might be able to tell you what it is you're doing to discourage women? Maybe you could do some role-playing. Are you reasonably attractive? Can you give me an example of how you approach a woman? Are you overly eager? Do you come off as creepy? Again, it's hard to know. You need the opinions of people who can see you behave.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
      It's hard for me to tell you what is turning women off. Do you have a good female friend who might be able to tell you what it is you're doing to discourage women? Maybe you could do some role-playing. Are you reasonably attractive? Can you give me an example of how you approach a woman? Are you overly eager? Do you come off as creepy? Again, it's hard to know. You need the opinions of people who can see you behave.
      Honestly, I don't have the answers to any of that. However, I would say that in regards to being creepy or overtly eager, no I don't think so. The rejection seems automatic. It seems to be a default thing. It just seems women have a radar that can detect undesirability, and apparently I'm a huge red dot on it. One thing to understand is that this isn't just sometimes with some women, it's all the time with every woman. Other guys seem to be able to do very little and get women interested in them. For me, it just seems to be automatic rejection regardless of what I do or how I act.

      in regards to my appearance, no, I'm not attractive. Not even slightly. I believe this has much to do with it. I also don't have any female friends. Women just don't like me. That's just simply how it apparently is. Women will not give me the time of day. I'm not sure what to do with my life at this point. I'd accept it and move on if there wasn't that nagging desire for it.

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      • #4
        Regards to appearance what do you mean by "not attractive?" If you look normal on the average, that shouldn't be a problem. What is your background? Occupation? Where do you live? Women want the package deal: Decent job, financial independence, someone who is average looking but doesn't need to look like a GQ model, high quality moral character, humble, poised personality (not goofy), intelligent sense of humor, self-confidence without being cocky and everything I had just mentioned provides security.

        I agree with Sarah. You can't be perceived as creepy because that alienates women quickly. If you're perceived as Mr. Nice Guy with all sincerity and you check all the boxes or most of them, eventually you'll find thee one. What interests do you have? Sports? Are you athletic? Physically fit people have higher self-esteem. Hobbies? Academic interests?

        I'm a woman and I did not do well in the dating dept back in the day. Instead of wallowing in my self-pity, I worked out, ate healthy, became fit and extremely busy. I focused on my career, looked great and felt great. Lo and behold, heads began to turn and I became a looker in a good way. (I never wore provocative clothing either.) I did not have to put forth the effort to become well-liked and noticed. Men came to me. I did not approach them. Then I weeded out the bad apples (not really bad but I'm picky when it comes to men) and chose the gem, my husband. I didn't have to try so hard. People came to me; not the other way around. I moved up the career ladder and along with it came the upwardly mobile social ladder as well. Everything fell into place. Birds of a feather flock together. Winners associate with other winners. That's how it all fell into place and I didn't seek anyone; they were drawn to me. Hope it works for you, too.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          Originally posted by chanelle View Post
          Regards to appearance what do you mean by "not attractive?" If you look normal on the average, that shouldn't be a problem. What is your background? Occupation? Where do you live? Women want the package deal: Decent job, financial independence, someone who is average looking but doesn't need to look like a GQ model, high quality moral character, humble, poised personality (not goofy), intelligent sense of humor, self-confidence without being cocky and everything I had just mentioned provides security.

          I agree with Sarah. You can't be perceived as creepy because that alienates women quickly. If you're perceived as Mr. Nice Guy with all sincerity an.
          No, you don't understand. You see, I don't even get that far. That's what I try to keep telling people and they keep not getting what I'm saying. Women repudite me immediately upon first sight. It's automatic, like a default setting. I don't even get far enough for them to get to know me. When I try to talk to them they act like they've got better things to do and they're currently on their way to them, and I'm holding them up. But when it's other guys they have all the time, all the smiles, and all the flirty giggles in the world.

          And by "not attractive" I mean ugly. VERY ugly. Unfixable ugly. Also very jacked up and goofy looking.
          Last edited by Burnout; February 20th, 2018, 05:45 PM.

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          • #6
            Can you focus on your health? Do you exercise seriously? Are you fit and healthy? Invest in yourself first with everything and you'll draw positive attention or at least I hope so! Hope it works out for you. I'm sorry.
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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            • #7
              Originally posted by chanelle View Post
              Can you focus on your health? Do you exercise seriously? Are you fit and healthy? Invest in yourself first with everything and you'll draw positive attention or at least I hope so! Hope it works out for you. I'm sorry.
              I don't mean to be argumentative or dismissive of what you're saying, but I've tried all that before. It doesn't work. That seems to work for everybody else, but not for me.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Burnout View Post

                I don't mean to be argumentative or dismissive of what you're saying, but I've tried all that before. It doesn't work. That seems to work for everybody else, but not for me.
                I'm sorry Burnout. I hope you find your way.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by chanelle View Post

                  I'm sorry Burnout. I hope you find your way.
                  Thank you for trying to help. I obviously don't expect magical answers from anyone.

                  I guess if I had to describe the attitudes women seem to have about me, it would be that of indifference. What I mean is that women don't don't seem to view me as a human being who is even remotely worth their attention or time. It's like I'm some subhuman life form unworthy of the attention one would grant to a human being. The idea of a woman desiring me seems almost an impossibility in my mind. It is something that just doesn't happen to me. It's like it's written somewhere into the fabric of the universe that I'm a known undesirable who isn't to be liked. It's hard to describe. Other people don't seem to have much of a problem meeting people, finding mates, making friends, etc... its like everyone else in the world is part of this secret sect that no one will give me the passcode for. It feels like me and the rest of the world live in separate but partially-overlapping dimensions. I can see them and interact with them, but this whole dating and socializing thing is part of the non-overlapping segment and I can't seem to tap into it. My world is strange, depressing, and painful.

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                  • #10
                    I'm sorry Burnout. Do you have any in-person friends? Can you get together with them and have a good time? Have they tried to introduce you to their friends? I'm sorry about your painful depression.
                    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by chanelle View Post
                      I'm sorry Burnout. Do you have any in-person friends? Can you get together with them and have a good time? Have they tried to introduce you to their friends? I'm sorry about your painful depression.
                      Not really. It seems like all the "friends" I've ever had hold their friendship with me independently and keep it separate from their other "real friends" and their social life, like they're ashamed to be seen or linked with me. I'm very reluctant to try to make friends. Always starts off with me thinking they like me, then they abandon me. I do have a couple of friends now, but one of them is an introvert just like me, but not unliked by others like me. He's also way younger than me so there's only so far the friendship can go. I also have a lifelong best friend who's been my friend since childhood. But we've largely parted ways in recent years due to differing views and lifestyles. I still consider him my best friend, and we've made some progress recently.

                      The thing is, I think it's awkward to ask these types of things to people you're close to. I think the closer they are to you, the worse. I would never ask this stuff to my friends. It's much better in my view to ask people you don't know so well. But that's just my opinion.
                      Last edited by Burnout; February 21st, 2018, 03:16 AM.

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                      • #12
                        You seem to be stuck in a bad downward spiral. You need something to shake you out of that. The pessimistic attitude you have is indeed a big red flag for women.

                        I'm going to think outside the box here and suggest you find a professional to help you out. I'm thinking like a life coach or dating coach, preferable female so they can give you a straight answer to the question why you think you're so undesirable. Don't go for the soft and cuddly type who will sugarcoat everything. Look for someone tough who doesn't care about hurting your feelings when they tell you the truth.
                        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Burnout View Post
                          Honestly, I don't have the answers to any of that. However, I would say that in regards to being creepy or overtly eager, no I don't think so. The rejection seems automatic. It seems to be a default thing. It just seems women have a radar that can detect undesirability, and apparently I'm a huge red dot on it. One thing to understand is that this isn't just sometimes with some women, it's all the time with every woman. Other guys seem to be able to do very little and get women interested in them. For me, it just seems to be automatic rejection regardless of what I do or how I act.

                          in regards to my appearance, no, I'm not attractive. Not even slightly. I believe this has much to do with it. I also don't have any female friends. Women just don't like me. That's just simply how it apparently is. Women will not give me the time of day. I'm not sure what to do with my life at this point. I'd accept it and move on if there wasn't that nagging desire for it.
                          Three words: Mail Order Bride!
                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post

                            Three words: Mail Order Bride!
                            This wouldn't fix anything. It's like buying a diploma to hang on your wall when you didn't graduate college.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Burnout View Post
                              This wouldn't fix anything. It's like buying a diploma to hang on your wall when you didn't graduate college.
                              No... it's like getting a life mate that will be very grateful that you chose her to leave her "shit-hole" country (as Trump put it) out of all those other brides just biting at the bit to be with a good man. She will love you long time.
                              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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