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2 problems to do with sexuality and leading people on

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  • 2 problems to do with sexuality and leading people on

    Hi everyone, I'm new here, and to keep this anonymous I'm going by the code name "Jackson" (that is not my real name)
    okay, so, I'm 16 years old and about a month ago I went to a friend's party and met this cute girl who is a year older than me, and I'm giving the code name "Eliza". We clicked instantly, bonded over our common interest in Hamilton, and got along really well. She was flirting with me (she openly admitted to it recently) and I thought she was pretty cool. I thought she was just flirting for fun and wouldn't talk to me again after the party, but then during the week she was messaging me online and said she wanted to see me again so I realised it wasn't just a one off at the party, and she actually was interested. At that point I was not thinking of dating her, then that weekend we went to the movies and she kept leaning her head on my shoulder so I took the opportunity and put my arm around her. I think in the moment I really did feel attracted to her. Then after the movie we just talked and shared a hug and left. Because she didn't do anything after the arm I felt rejected and sad the rest of the night. Then we kept talking online during the week and I found out via her friend that she has a crush on me! I was so happy about this. Then I met up with her a few times after that and we kissed and snuggled and stuff, but here's where the problem comes in: I started having doubts. I'm really that kind of person that second guesses and is unsure about everything in life, but I felt like I wanted to go out with her but I wasn't sure if I really had feelings for her or not. I know a crush is different for everyone, but I don't get butterflies when I'm around her (although I do when I fantasise about us hugging), and I do think about her a lot during the day. I think I'm attracted to her, and I think Eliza has an adorable personality. We really get along and I want this to work but do you think I really have feelings for her? Am I just leading her on?? Oh yeah, we went to the movies again two days ago and I asked her out so she is now my girlfriend. But everyone around me has noticed that she makes me happy and I do feel really happy after meeting or talking to her. So that is the first problem.

    the second problem, (please don't judge) is that we were on the phone just now, and I asked her if she will flirt with other people now that we're going out, and she assured me she wouldn't and said "don't worry, I'm not going to be flirting with Veronica (code name)" and I thought she was joking, then she told me that she's bisexual. Now please don't take me the wrong way, I am completely accepting of LGBT people and I am not at all homophobic, but for some reason this just made me uncomfortable. And finding out that she's kissed more girls than guys, and that she's kissed some of her friends from her friend group of girls also made me uncomfortable. I just feel insecure about it, like she hangs out with girls all the time and has sleepovers and stuff. Please understand where I'm coming from and that I am not in anyway against people being bisexual, and I have told her I support her which I do but it still makes me feel a little uneasy. :/ apparently her first girlfriend Heather (code name (okay I just wanted to use the names Heather and Veronica tbh :P)) was the first person she dated and I think her first kiss. She then corrected herself and said she's bicurious and is more interested in guys generally. I read somewhere on the internet that bicurious people are still heterosexual, is this true? Also if that's the case, I know I'm straight but if I find Chris Pratt hot af does that mean I am too?? XD

    thanks for listening and reading all that please help.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Jacksonthefruit View Post
    I took the opportunity and put my arm around her. I think in the moment I really did feel attracted to her.

    I found out via her friend that she has a crush on me! I was so happy about this.

    I don't get butterflies when I'm around her (although I do when I fantasise about us hugging)

    I do think about her a lot during the day.

    I want this to work

    she makes me happy and I do feel really happy after meeting or talking to her
    It sure sounds like you are attracted to her and want things to work. Since you stated you're a person who second guesses everything, my advice would be to just try and chill out. If things work out, great. If they don't, it won't matter. Just try to live in the moment and enjoy your time with her.


    As for your insecurities, that problem is entirely your own creation. She has not given you any reason not to trust her, so don't sweat it. You need to learn to let go of people's relationship/sexual pasts otherwise you're in for a bunch of stressful relationships filled with jealousy and angst. We get adult guys on here now and again freaking out because they've found out that their girlfriend has a promiscuous past. It's a pointless thing to worry about, since you can't change any of it. Pay attention to how she is treating you and try not to worry about anything else. Besides, your GF kissing a few of her female friends is hardly a shocker. Something most young girls do I believe.


    Oh, and I wouldn't say you're bi-curious just because you can appreciate attractive guys. Well, not unless you feel attracted to them. Chris Pratt is a good looking bloke (and friggin hilarious)... doesn't mean I want to bang him!

    Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by whatshappeningreg View Post

      It sure sounds like you are attracted to her and want things to work. Since you stated you're a person who second guesses everything, my advice would be to just try and chill out. If things work out, great. If they don't, it won't matter. Just try to live in the moment and enjoy your time with her.


      As for your insecurities, that problem is entirely your own creation. She has not given you any reason not to trust her, so don't sweat it. You need to learn to let go of people's relationship/sexual pasts otherwise you're in for a bunch of stressful relationships filled with jealousy and angst. We get adult guys on here now and again freaking out because they've found out that their girlfriend has a promiscuous past. It's a pointless thing to worry about, since you can't change any of it. Pay attention to how she is treating you and try not to worry about anything else. Besides, your GF kissing a few of her female friends is hardly a shocker. Something most young girls do I believe.


      Oh, and I wouldn't say you're bi-curious just because you can appreciate attractive guys. Well, not unless you feel attracted to them. Chris Pratt is a good looking bloke (and friggin hilarious)... doesn't mean I want to bang him!
      Thank you so much for this advice you have made me feel a lot better about it! But I would love to continue the relationship with her and if it doesn't work just end it, but my biggest fear is hurting her. She's a beautiful person and I don't want to hurt her or be a douche that leads her on and then discovers I didn't have feelings for her she's already been through a heartbreak this year. It's just when I'm around her I don't really feel any strong feelings or butterflies or anything, but I could still like her right? But thanks again I really needed to get this all off my chest and hear someone's opinion of it . Also, I think you're right about it being normal for young girls to do that, I told my mum about my girlfriend being bi and mum revealed to me for the first time that she was the same and kissed girls when she was younger. XD I must say that has made me feel a little more comfortable with it. And again I am completely supportive of the LGBT stuff

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