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New Relationship - Doubts & Lurking Ex

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  • New Relationship - Doubts & Lurking Ex

    I got out of a 3 year relationship about 6 months ago and I know myself well enough to know that I am ready to move on, especially after being cheated on. I am now in my first relationship since, and naturally I am a little hesitant in letting my feelings run wild. I am ready to move on... but with precaution. This new relationship has been great and we have taken things very slow. Clay (my new boyfriend) spent the whole summer befriending me, which eventually lead to some flirting. We became very good friends and the flirting progressed, at first only on his end of the spectrum. Soon enough, I began flirting back and realizing that I could really start liking this guy. Soon, Clay and I were going everywhere together. People would constantly ask if we were dating and remark on our incredible chemistry. We never really knew how to respond, but we both acted as though we were a couple and were loyal to each other for months. We never once kissed or had sex. The only thing we had done was cuddle, even though he spent countless nights in my home and in my bed. I knew he was in it for more. Eventually, Clay finally asked me out and we made it official. One night, we had a bit to drink and when we got back to my home, we began making out, the clothes came off, and I swear it was the best and most meaningful sex I have ever had... I admired the fact that we had waited so long because it was definitely worth it. Long story short, I began developing even deeper feelings for Clay and I still am. Now on to the not-so-cheery parts... my doubts. Clay had gotten out of a 6 month relationship about 4 months before we first made contact. It was far less serious than my ex and I (3 years). Anyways, just recently, this ex of his has gotten ahold of his phone number and began texting him. Sarah is her name. I know some things about her past relationship with my boyfriend... I know that she was very insecure and needy, always accusing him of things and having no trust for him. She broke up with him because he chose to hang out with a friend one day and not her. Yeah... totally unhealthy, right? I don't like putting people down but I think Sarah has some deep-seated issues with herself and very low self esteem. She had texted Clay the other day claiming that she still loves him and her life sucks without him. She even went on about how she was having suicidal thoughts so that he would respond to her messages. He has told her twice now to leave us alone, although he has done so in a nice way. Clay is a very nice person with a good heart. Anyways, I get a bad feeling about this ex and her unhealthy mindset. She still will not leave us alone and has began liking my posts on Facebook. I am going to block her and Clay has blocked her too without me asking. He is thinking about changing his number. I am just feeling very sketched out about this ex even though I really don't have a reason to be... I think part of it may be because I haven't been with Clay long enough to develop full trust in him, although I told myself I'd trust him until he gave me a reason not to. I also caught Clay snapchatting her a few times and liking her photos online... However, this was before he actually asked me to be his girlfriend. He has since stopped all contact with her, yet I still find myself worried. This girl will not give up and I know she wants him back bad. Clay has told me that no other girl has made him feel the way I do, and I am the first girl he's dated outside of high school. I am older, I have my own house, full time job, plans for college, etc. His exes were a year or two younger than him, but I am almost two years older. I see myself as a big step up from his ex Sarah... not to be egotistical. I just can't shake these feelings of doubt, comparing myself to her (she is quite beautiful), and I have even gone so far as to wonder if I measure up to her in the sac... Yikes. I am normally VERY confident in myself, but this crazy ex has my head spinning... How can I cope with this situation until she hopefully backs off?

  • #2
    I wish all ex girlfriends would fling themselves into the sea.

    But seriously, you haven't known him long enough to know how vulnerable he is to the ex girlfriend, who is clearly trying to manipulate him into coming back to her. I think that if you both continue to block her and ignore her, she'll get tired of trying to lure him back. Talking to her is obviously not going to do any good. If Clay is telling you all of these things that she is saying, that seems to indicate that he's being very honest with you and doesn't want her back. Just persevere.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      The bottom line is that if Clay wanted the bullshit to stop, he would make it so. The question is: Why hasn't he made it so?
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


      • #4
        Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
        The bottom line is that if Clay wanted the bullshit to stop, he would make it so. The question is: Why hasn't he made it so?

        Why would he have to go through the trouble of changing his number? Are there really still people in the world who can't block numbers directly through their cell phones? I have no fewer than 2 dozen numbers blocked on mine at any given time.

        (Thank you to the asshole(s) who sold my number!)
        "Why are you always smiling?"
        "Because it's all so fucking hysterical."

        Hier kommt die Sonne