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Having trouble breaking up with girlfriend

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  • Having trouble breaking up with girlfriend

    I need to break up with my girlfriend. It's been only 2 months and I am thankful for that as it would be easier than if it had been considerably longer.

    So she just isint the right girl for me, I don't feel the connection. But I feel absolutely terrible. I really thought she was a good girl for me. We are both 20 years old, and I took her virginity. But I can't continue with the relationship. I feel extremely terrible and she is almost like obsessed with me. I'm almost scared to do it cause I think she would hurt herself. One time she brought up the subject of breaking up, and said something about wasting time and made a stabbing motion toward me.

    Anyway, I am in an extremely tough period in my life. I do not want to get into it, but I need help, and I've been trying to better myself. I've been working and thinking about going back to school.

    She has no interest in work or school, and frequently lies about looking for jobs, filling out applications, and even tells me she has been rejected from jobs I know she hasn't applied for. She has interviews she never shows up to. And before we were dating she was working on getting her license even though she is 20, and now she says she has no interest in getting it or driving.

    So I can't be with someone like that.

    When she Is at my house, she expects to stay there for days on end, 5 to 6 days in a row and in many cases more. When she's there she does NOTHING but lay in my bed and occasionally go to the bathroom. She puts off all her responsibilities and stops everything to do nothing but lay around. She does not even bring a tooth brush or shower daily. It's a fight to get her in the shower, and she gets angry when I tell her to brush her teeth WHICH I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DO.

    When she is hungry she kicks her feet and says I'm dieing, every time. I have to ask her 5 times and end up yelling "talk to me like a fucking human being" or "stop acting like a baby" it's not normal and quite frankly very weird.

    When she's over she is basically a sponge. She does not even help me clean my room, she gets extremely annoyed and rolls her eyes at me when I tell her to get up so I can make my bed. Then just stands there and does not help, she even watches. Even if I call her out she just makes some noises and still doesn't help.

    She also doesn't talk to me in person or in text about things, rather she posts things on Facebook... which is completely fucking ridicules. I've told her it is and she keeps doing it any. Even extremely personal and sexual stuff which I flipped out about. I have family on FB.

    There's no chance of me wanting to fix things with someone who can't brush their teeth normally.

    I'm sorry to sound so mean but it's all true.

    I know I need and want to break up with her, but I feel so bad, I don't feel right about it. I think it's because I know she is gonna go psycho, and she says she really loves me and she is afraid to lose me and that's why she acts crazy sometimes (I didn't even scrst ch the surface about her but I think i have given enough info)

    She has severe mental health issues and I'm definantly afraid of her reaction. What can I do? I've never felt so nervous wrong and afraid to do something I need to do not just for the better of myself but for the better of her too.

    She will never ever understand that this is a benefit to her in the long run.

    I think I'm going to tell her something like "i need to be alone, and we both need to work on ourselves before I can continue dating anybody. It's not you baby but I really need time to myself to figure me out, and not just a few days, I'm not going to be getting with other girls or anything, and this does not mean we can't get back together once I'm better and you are better," and I'm thinking about adding an "my therapist told me this is best for me right now and j need to do this for me, I hope you understand"

    Can anybody give me jnfo! I'm almost like afraid to do it, I feel incredibly bad because she has what appears to be intense feelings for ne, and I don't have that for her like I did in the very early beginning. Remember I took her virginity, unless she lied about that which would not surprise me, but I believe I did.

    Help I really need advice. If I didn't state it before we are both twenty! Thank you all

  • #2
    Sorry for the accidently double post. My mother and grandmother think I should not wait for her birthday please please help


    • #3
      Please don't give her the 'it's not you; it's me, baby' line. If you don't tell her the absolute truth, you will leave a window open for her to keep trying to climb back in.

      Of COURSE she will go psycho, throw a fit, act crazy, and threaten to hurt herself when she learns you don't want her anymore. EXPECT it, but don't feel guilty over it. She had a life before you, and I guarantee she will find a way to have a life after you. But don't lie to her or leave any possibility open for getting back with her.

      The first thing you should do is not let her in your house again. Call her and tell her you want to take her to lunch. She may be less apt to go psycho in a public place. Tell her that you don't think the two of you are a good fit and you'd like to end the relationship on good terms. Keep smiling and don't let her drag you into her psychodrama. Her mental health problems are her problems and not yours.
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


      • #4
        Thank you. I don't know why I feel so horrible. I am trying ro just bring myself to do it. Just rip the bandaid off


        • #5
          Maybe the article in the link below will help?

          You can always google "how to break up with my girlfriend" and get more on the subject.

          ... As well, there is "The Grey Rock Method" since you say she has severe metal health problems maybe you outta go that route...

          Last edited by phasesofthemoon; September 1st, 2016, 10:29 PM.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


          • #6
            Honest but tactful, brief and once.

            Don't feel like it's better to give her 30 reasons to argue against and obsess over; don't feel like it's better to make it sound like your fault or put the responsibility onto someone else (still stuff for her to argue against and obsess over); don't tell her you just want a break or maybe you can be friends or maybe you'll get back together one day. Tell her and then stop any contact. It's very likely that continuing contact will just make things messier. You aren't responsible for helping her through anything, and it's likely any attempt to do so will have the opposite effect.

            Maybe things won't be as bad as you expect and she'll just make 300 ranting facebook posts (don't be tempted to look at them). And if she does go berserk, it's not like you can just marry her and spend the next 50 years together in order to avoid it.

            That said, I kinda know how you feel and have proven myself quite bad at taking my own advice previously :-) I still sometimes catch myself feeling shitty about breakups from years ago - it's just something you gotta deal with and time makes it better (for some, slower than others).


            • #7
              ^^^ Great to see you posting again, Fusion.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!