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My current thoughts on Relationships

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  • My current thoughts on Relationships

    Why is it worth getting into a relationship? Influences of today's society pile against a successful relationship. What purpose does a relationship serve in todays world? What is a successful relationship? What is the goal and desired outcome when the majority get into a relationship?


    Things that destroy relationships. War has a snowball effect that gradually takes it toll on future generations ability to have a successful relationship. Alcohol, and drugs destroy relationships. You have porn that preys on the hormones of men, and the women's version of porn magazines such as cosmopolitan, and chick flicks. These things which influence behavior, standards, and expectations. Wait there is more! Birth control pills, public schools, television, feminism, chauvinistic men, and money. Not to mention, lying, cheating, manipulating, lust vs. love, and the outbreak of mental illness. Do I dare say even processed, and fast food.



    It seems to me society of today has extremely high odds against a healthy, successful relationship. I see no value placed on holding onto virginity. Men's role in society or relationships is unknown for the most part or nonexistent! Seems to me according to snowball theory things will just get worse until snowball burst and society has to rebuild itself. Only the small minority of people will win at a healthy happy relationship. Seems hopeless and self defeating!

  • #2
    Re: My current thoughts on Relationships

    Most people need other people. Not everyone wants to be alone. Most relationships fail due to the action or inaction of a partner.
    cul·ture
    \ˈkəl-chər\
    noun

    The beliefs, customs, arts, etc., of a particular society, group, place, or time.

    A particular society that has its own beliefs, ways of life, art, etc.

    A way of thinking, behaving, or working that exists in a place or organization (such as a business)

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    • #3
      Re: My current thoughts on Relationships

      Well, you could say that human beings have been hopeless and self defeating since time immemorial. So, in reality little has changed. Except that now there are more of us.

      Sounds like all the reading you've been doing is taking you to an increasingly negative space. But it's all about the perspective you take, and what you 'notice'. As an example, say you're thinking of buying a certain make of car. You'll be noticing cars like the one you're thinking about buying because your attention is attuned to that type of car.

      Similarly, as human beings what we do is 'notice' things that verify our work view. Just like you notice a car you're thinking of buying, so you begin to notice the world trends, human behaviours and standards that prove your world view. You become attuned to a certain perception of the world. Yours is seemingly negative.

      I don't think that viewing relationships just as 'good' or 'bad', healthy or unhealthy is particularly useful. It reduces everything to a 'duality' when human beings and relationships are much more complex than that. You could posit that human beings and relationships are composed of many qualities, and that they might exist simultaneously and concurrently.

      The odds are what we make them. Why not throw yourself into the race, even if the odds are seemingly stacked against you? You never know, you might win.
      Last edited by MonaLisa; April 20th, 2015, 07:44 AM.

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      • #4
        Re: My current thoughts on Relationships

        Originally posted by Cali2Fl View Post
        Most people need other people. Not everyone wants to be alone. Most relationships fail due to the action or inaction of a partner.
        Yes most people do need other people. Does that require a love relationship? I agree not everyone wants to be alone.

        "Most relationships fail due to the action or inaction of a partner". I agree the final outcome to a failed relationship is due to action or inaction. I feel that there is more to it then action or inaction. I feel it has a lot to do with what is taught as children, accepted society norm, inaccurate information, unrealistic desire, unhealthy emotion, and other things that reflect choice of action/inaction. It is the things i mentioned in op that are the contributor of failed relationships. In my opinion!

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        • #5
          Re: My current thoughts on Relationships

          Originally posted by MonaLisa View Post
          Well, you could say that human beings have been hopeless and self defeating since time immemorial. So, in reality little has changed. Except that now there are more of us.

          Sounds like all the reading you've been doing is taking you to an increasingly negative space. But it's all about the perspective you take, and what you 'notice'. As an example, say you're thinking of buying a certain make of car. You'll be noticing cars like the one you're thinking about buying because your attention is attuned to that type of car.

          Similarly, as human beings what we do is 'notice' things that verify our work view. Just like you notice a car you're thinking of buying, so you begin to notice the world trends, human behaviours and standards that prove your world view. You become attuned to a certain perception of the world. Yours is seemingly negative.

          I don't think that viewing relationships just as 'good' or 'bad', healthy or unhealthy is particularly useful. It reduces everything to a 'duality' when human beings and relationships are much more complex than that. You could posit that human beings and relationships are composed of many qualities, and that they might exist simultaneously and concurrently.

          The odds are what we make them. Why not throw yourself into the race, even if the odds are seemingly stacked against you? You never know, you might win.
          Ya i am frustrated! Although my goals are to better myself and to eventually get married. I was just thinking about all the factors that cause such problems, obstacles and difficulty that make it harder for one to find what they feel to be healthy.

          For instance birth control pills. Studies suggest and some confirm that women taking birth control causes them to change there natural attraction to men. When they are off birth control pills there attraction changes back to original state.

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          • #6
            Re: My current thoughts on Relationships

            My two cents.

            I think you have to start with the question, "What is the point of life without relationships?"

            Without relationships to others, the world, God, etc., your existence has no inherent or lasting value. You are nothing but a collection of cells seeking after its immediate comfort, enjoyment, survival, etc.

            So if you want to have a life of meaning, you have to engage in some kind of relationship. Doing so, however, always risks pain, disappointment, betrayal, etc. The reward, of course, is a life of value. And the greater the risk, the greater the meaning.

            Even a relationship with a pet goldfish offers value to both participants. However, it pales in comparison to the meaning of that with a golden retriever. And then compare that to the value and meaning of human relationships. But, of course, human relationships entail greater risk.

            Ultimately, what will the meaning of your life be? How will the cosmos, humanity, your family, your neighborhood know that you ever walked the earth? Did you keep a fish alive for a few months? Did your dog have a good life? Did you improve your neighborhood? Did you bring a child into the world who grew into a decent human being? What was the point of your being here?

            I'm assuming that you are referring to romantic relationships when you ask the question.

            Well intimate human relationships involve increasing levels of vulnerability and risk. But in being vulnerable with another human being we experience connection that alleviates the loneliness. And through healthy intimate relationships we, hopefully, pass on to our children and others the ability to engage in healthy relationships. And through the continued striving, the world becomes a better, happier, more peaceful place.

            In spite of what appears to be all bad news, the actual state of relationships and the world has improved vastly in the few thousand years we've been here. And every human being has had an influence--good or bad-- on that. What role do you want to play?

            Each of us has to determine what level of intimacy and its inherent risk we can tolerate. And we each have to do our best to manage the benefits and risks. No one can decide what is best for you.

            Someone who chooses to stick to non-human companions will never experience the overwhelming joy and responsibility of joining with God to create human life. However, he'll also never experience the heartbreak of conflict with his children, divorce or the death of his child.

            You've listed a whole host of reasons to avoid relationships. They are all valid. But the rewards are more powerful and more valid for most people. And those who take their lives seriously acknowledge the dangers and do their best to manage them.

            You can do it too.

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            • #7
              Re: My current thoughts on Relationships

              @ Pollon and Monalisa


              Thank you for combating my negative outlook, and for help in re-establishing my positive out look and goals.

              From your many replies I have come to see you both as well grounded, positive, and level headed. Which for me is very much needed. Thank you.
              Last edited by digdug75; April 23rd, 2015, 11:10 AM.

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              • #8
                Hi digdug75,
                My opinion regarding relationships comes from two sides of the fence. I grew up in a broken home and I've seen first hand what a destructive, dysfunctional relationship was courtesy of my parents; namely my dad. The problem arises when two people try to make it work but they don't think alike, speak alike, their values are completely different, there are bad health habits and most of all, a lot of selfishness without thinking the good of the whole. The entire family is impacted negatively. I know, I've lived and breathed it.
                For myself, I didn't date a lot because I was fed up with what I had observed in society. I've dated a few times and I was sorely disappointed. I was very picky and choosy and made sure I didn't marry someone like my dad who gave my poor mom a hard life of nothing but financial pain, hardship and struggle. Character was high on my list. It wasn't just about money either. I was a lot of disrespect and selfishness on my dad's part. During the worst, he'd just leave for weeks at a time not telling us where he was going. During their divorce, he didn't pay a dime of child support. My mom worked 3 jobs 7 days a week to put food on the table. I wanted to marry someone who was of high moral character, a decent human being, kind, considerate, STABLE and honorable. We crossed paths at the workplace and had a happily ever after. I guess I have my dad to thank for that. I certainly did not wish to repeat the wretched life he gave her. Also, my dad drank and smoked. I ran in the opposite direction and wanted a better man who wouldn't give me a life filled with endless grief. There is happiness out there as long as you don't settle for just anyone. Better to be alone than feel lonely with a bad apple. What helped me was to find someone whom I had in common with and for me, it was my faith and someone whose values were important to them. Thankfully, he came from a stable, solid mom 'n pop 'n apple pie background. I wanted to marry someone normal; no weirdos. If you want to find someone who is good, go to where they are. They're not at singles bars. If it's sports, join a sports group. If it's church, join a church with people who have the same values. Birds of a feather flock together.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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