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  • Help understanding a certain woman's actions

    I have a partner who i have been a in relationship with for many years. I first would like to say i love my partner dearly and do not wish to end the relationship.

    My partner has a freind who is around a lot called person A. A is in my home roughly round 3 times per week and is on my facebook aswell as my partners. I chat to A alot on facebook as she usually starts the PM conversation. Recently my partners phone was damaged so A asked could she have my number so she could still get in touch with my partner while she chose a new phone.

    Since then myself and A send text messages to each other (Funny ones) and i often find myself lending a ear to her when she is down over facebook or text.

    My partners freind A seems to get moody with me and egnore my facebook chat attempts on and off, only to start speaking to me again in a weeks time. I feel obliged to start a chat with her as she normally always makes the effort first.

    I Have been there for her over chat and tried to make her feel better when she is stressed. A is very pritty and some times are eyes just meet when in conversation in a nervous sort of way. I do have a bit of a weakness for this girl even though im in a loving relationship.

    My question is why does A contantly get hot and cold with me? I don't have a problem with her not wanting to speak anymore but she keeps restarting the conversation a week or so later and it's playing with my head as like i said i have a soft spot for her. She is in a relationship too i must add.

    When i am around A in person she seems to want to speak to me alot over facebook. As soon as a few days go by she stops and egnores me witch am fine with. But she will be around me again in person then start chatting alot over social network!!

    I have noticed minor signs that there is an attraction between us. I am a loving person but don't like to be messed around. Am either freind's or not freinds type of person if you get my drift.

    Thanks in advance for your advice
    Last edited by johnryan00; November 9th, 2013, 05:12 PM.

  • #2
    Re: Help understanding a certain woman's actions

    1392 views and no help. No one been in a situation of any sorts like mine? Not even a admin or moderator or expert here that offers help. Kind of made the process of registering and typing a wast of time really

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    • #3
      Re: Help understanding a certain woman's actions

      First, it's the weekend, that's why probably no one has responded to you yet.
      Now to your post...

      You're allowing the boundaries to cross. You are both in a relationship. Why do you chat with her to make her feel better when she's stressed out? That's her partner's responsibility to do, not yours.

      You have 2 relationships going on here; the "loving" one and the "hot and cold" one.

      My question is why does A contantly get hot and cold with me? I don't have a problem with her not wanting to speak anymore but she keeps restarting the conversation a week or so later and it's playing with my head as like i said i have a soft spot for her.
      Because YOU allow her to contact you and play games with your head.

      I have noticed minor signs that there is an attraction between us. I am a loving person but don't like to be messed around.
      Sounds like you're being loving towards 2 women.

      You're both in a relationship. Remind yourself of that and then decide what you want to do with your current relationship before pursuing another one with someone else who's also in a relationship.
      Last edited by HodaShiraz; November 10th, 2013, 10:34 AM.

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      • #4
        Re: Help understanding a certain woman's actions

        Hey, it has been one day, I believe that the number of views may be bugged or due to bots or something because that's an unreasonably high number of views, especially for a single day. I've posted and gotten maybe 20 views over a week before with no replies.

        Otherwise, I'll say that you cannot know why she is behaving this way with you, so asking others who aren't involved won't really yield anything, except maybe some possibilities but those are practically infinite.

        If you want to know, ask her, in a way that is not demanding/hostile/judgmental. Gauge things from her reaction. She may actually explain, and do listen without prying. She may just continue to dick you around, in which case you should let her know how it makes you feel and that you can't have that in your life.

        Either way, if you truly love your current girlfriend, think of how she'd feel if she read what you just wrote here. You say you don't intend to leave her, but that you have a "soft spot" for this other woman, and at times, taken out of context, it sounds like you're actually into her and pursuing her.

        The situation that is shaping up is one in which one or more people may get hurt, so I think it's important to get your priorities straight and really know what you want and try to understand exactly what it is you think you're feeling for your girlfriend and for this person.

        Don't let yourself do anything of a romantic/sexual nature with this other woman while you are still with your current girlfriend. Make sure that you either stay with your current gf without doing anything with anyone else, OR that you break up with her BEFORE you do anything with anyone else.

        Similarly, she must have broken off her own relationship first as well. But given that this is overly complicated, and that she has basically been playing games and so would probably just screw you around rather than be an actual partner, I think you should stay with your current gf and take some time away from this woman to clear your head. Get your priorities straight.

        Lastly, while I agree that you are playing a dangerous game, I don't agree with Hoda that you should not be talking to your gf's friend and making her feel better.

        This is a normal part of friendship, and circles can overlap. What bothers me more is that it's not clear that your gf knows that you have a relationship this close with her friend.

        When it comes to friendship, it's not something to hide. And overlapping friends in this situation may bother certain people, which is why it would be good to know how your gf feels about it.

        My gf actually encourages her friends to speak with me and says my comments can be insightful. I do not hide any relationships I have with her friends, and she is okay with me being friends with them myself (though this sadly does not tend to happen, I always remain "her boyfriend" rather than their friend, even if we hang out as friends a few times without my gf being present).
        Last edited by Gezus; November 10th, 2013, 10:35 AM.

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        • #5
          Re: Help understanding a certain woman's actions

          Thanks guys that was amazing advice and i am sorry i jumped the gun. I think i just got a tad bit stressed.

          From the advice you have given me i have decided to back off a little from this girl and limit my freindship to her. Im freinds with all of my partners mates but i appear to have let myself get to close to this one in particular and it's a lesson learned.

          Thank you both very much for your advice. :-) ;-)

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