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Breaking A Routine

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  • Breaking A Routine

    Hello to everyone and Happy Friday. I have a situation that on one hand feels superficial and silly Ö yet on the other is really getting me down. The reason for my post is not to be validated (I have a therapist that does that) and I realize that you are only hearing one side (mine). But Iím truly interested in the perspective of other people on this topic.

    My wife and have been together over 10 years. She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I canít imagine life without her. Naturally I want to spend time with her but a ďroutine,Ē for lack of a better word, has come into play that is frustrating me to no end.

    Let me paint a picture. My wife and I have a pretty good arrangement. She cooks dinner (she LOVES to cook) and I clean the kitchen (you donít want me to cook because I can burn water). Not bad, right? Well, here is what happens 99% of the time. While Iím cleaning the kitchen my wife goes into the office and logs onto Facebook. First she checks her wall and then she plays Candy Crush. Once she gets done with her PC she comes out to the couch, grabs her phone, plays Candy Crush and snuggles with her dogs. This happens every night (not just once in awhile) and I find myself going to bed by myself.

    I have approached her on this and had shared with her that it bothered me that the physical aspect of our relationship has all but ended because of this ďroutine.Ē She suggested that I cuddle with her and the dogs and I said I would like to cuddle with her without being stared at, licked, walked on or sniffed. She then also said that she was sitting in a common area (the living room) so she could still talk to me while playing her game but when I try to talk to her I get a response like, ďhuh? Ö what did you say?Ē I suggested we do things together that donít involve dogs or Candy Crush. We even joined Jazzercise to exercise together Ö but when she gets home it is the same routine.

    So, again, part of me thinks this is childish and silly to be jealous of two dogs and a game Ö however itís to the point where Iím frustrated for the simple reason that I donít know how to break the routine. Any ideas?

  • #2
    Re: Breaking A Routine

    Start going out and hanging with your buddies every night.
    See how fast she comes around.

    Shine on you crazy diamond!!
    There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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    • #3
      Re: Breaking A Routine

      She doesn't seem to be cognizant of THE WALL shes putting up between your emotional connection by tuning you out while involved with her games etc.

      I suggest that you break the routine and one night you cook (even if its just weiners and beans) and she do the dishes. Then when she's finished doing them, you take her out for desert or coffee (even if she doesn't eat all her meat, she can still have her pudding) where the two of you just focus on one another.

      No matter what you do, you have to make her understand that this habit is creating a gulf that will be hard to bridge if she keeps up her disinterest in you and your marriage.

      Tell her this: (amongst and as well as the emotional connection dialogue) "They say that it just takes five straight days to replace one bad habit with a good one so lets start that jazzercize together and a board game night where we can play together. What do you say we get Comfortably Numb together, honey?"
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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