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Boyfriend wants to live with his parents after marriage!!

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  • Boyfriend wants to live with his parents after marriage!!

    My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. Our relationship was beautiful with no complications. We started discussing marriage and living arrangements in our 2nd year. I always made it clear that I wanted us to have our own place after marriage so that we could build our life and future together like a normal married couple, and also having our own space and privacy.
    My boyfriend is the only son and lives at home with his parents. He was always in agreement that we need to get our one place and I even went so far as to get a place for the both of us near to his parents home only to find that his mum and dad had influenced him into not buying it and had to I cancel it which was heartbreaking for me and I was extremely hurt by this

    His family have given him the house and he is currently paying the mortgage so I understand he does not want to pay for 2 houses. But we are both more than comfortable to be paying for his family home mortgage and getting a small place for us. I am 1st time buyer so have even considered the government schemes that are so affordable. His family home would always be his.

    He has been leading me on for over a year, going to house viewings with me. He only just told me a month ago that he does not want any of this and just wants to stay at home and look after his mum and dad as that is his responsibility. He wants me to move into his home after marriage. This was a straight NO from me as he knows what I always wanted and I was clear about it, but he hasn't been honest with me, and now wants me to do as he says. We've never had a problem before in our relationship and I love him so much but I cannot move forward if he is just wants to stay at home and look after his parents, on top of that his sister and kids come and stay every single weekend which is not normal, so there would be no space or independence of having a home like feeling for me, with me moving in and have everything his way. I have tried to compromise whereby I was looking for houses 10-15 mins near to home so he could be near his parents.. but he just does not want to move out.

    I am left feeling very confused and hurt -I really like his family but I want us to be independent and have our own responsibilities. He clearly has not thought things through and now we are not on talking terms and on the verge of breaking up!!

  • #2
    You clearly do not share the same vision of what marriage and privacy mean. Love isn't always enough to make a relationship work, and the housing situation is a huge deal-breaker.

    Perhaps you should consider cutting your losses and finding someone who puts you before his parents.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Thanks for your reply Sarah -I agree!


      • #4
        I just hope you're not going to give in to him. Lying to you was wrong and disingenuous. You are trying to compromise and he isn't. I'd be sad, but I'd leave him for lying alone and his inability to compromise on such a major decision.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!