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What to do about my boyfriends addiction

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  • What to do about my boyfriends addiction

    My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. Overall, we have a very good relationship and he treats me very well. My one issue is his marijuana addiction. When we first started dating I knew he smoked occadionally. It didnít bother me because I have nothing against it, I just think thereís a way to do it in moderation just like everything in life (partying, drinking, etc.) a few months into the relationship occasionally became all day everyday. I mean literally when he woke up, before work, when he was out with friends, after work, and then some. It caused a huge issue in our relationship and it was one of the main reasons why we actually broke up for a few weeks. He eventually got pulled over and they found weed in his car so he got community service and some kind of probation for almost a year. During that year he didnít smoke at all. He did a lot of personal growth and realized that it wasnít a healthy habit and admitted that it was an addiction. He swore up and down that when he could smoke again he would smoke only a few days a week mostly in social situations when heís out with friends. Well itís been 2 months since he started smoking and heís slteady back to his old habits. He smokes from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed. He smokes before every single one of our dates and during. It bothers me because 1 itís an addiction. But also his personality is once again changing because heís high all the time and weíre having all the same issues again. Him being incapable of having a serious conversation, always falling asleep randomly throughout the day, being distant, not being his affectionate or nurturing self, not caring about my feelings during arguments or just coming across as uncaring in general, impulsive choices, and just feeling like thereís no emotional depth in the relationship. Iíve tried to talk to him about these things but he either doesnít take it seriously or makes excuses like ďwell I still have a good job, go to the gym, pay my bills, etc.Ē But in my opinion you finding a way to be productive outside of your addiction does not take away the fact that itís still an addiction. It may not affect certain areas of his life but it affects others, including our relationship. I donít know what to do or how to talk to him about this anymore but we plan on moving in together in a few months and I really see this being an issue. Like I said I donít mimd occasional smoking but I wonít contonue to turn a blind eye to an addiction that he himself admitted he had.
    Last edited by Amber1643; September 24th, 2018, 09:52 AM.

  • #2
    I think that if you move in with him, you're setting yourself up for disaster. Clearly this is a huge issue that is not going to go away by itself. He isn't likely to choose you over weed. Maybe an ultimatum is in order.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      we plan on moving in together in a few months
      You know how he promised to only smoke occasionally? Well, if you move in with him, you're going to be seeing him do it CONSTANTLY.

      You are a very foolish chickie if you move in with someone who has an addiction that you are trying to control for him and failing at it. Put your foot down and stop seeing him altogether... find someone who doesn't have an addiction and move in with him (in time, of course). Tell him if he ever gets himself into rehab and kicks the addiction to give you a call and if you're single, you'll buy him dinner.

      Addicts just get worse in their addictions when they have a woman enabling them to be the assholes that they are.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        Tell him it's you or the drugs. If he chooses the drugs then he never deserved you in the first place.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Cdalegirl View Post
          Tell him it's you or the drugs. If he chooses the drugs then he never deserved you in the first place.
          She needs to leave and tell him that when she's already gone. If she does it while she's still with him then he'll just find a way to keep doing it but hiding it from her until he can't hide it anymore.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            I agree with everyone else that moving in with this guy would be a disaster.

            By doing so you would essentially be showing him that you will in fact put up with his smoking habit, because if you were serious about him stopping then you would never move in with him to begin with.

            Seems like you've hung around long enough, I think it's time you let him go.
            Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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            • #7
              I agree with the others and say it's time to walk away. Definitely don't move in. It will be like living with a child.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Amber1643 View Post
                My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. Overall, we have a very good relationship and he treats me very well. My one issue is his marijuana addiction. When we first started dating I knew he smoked occadionally. It didnít bother me because I have nothing against it, I just think thereís a way to do it in moderation just like everything in life (partying, drinking, etc.) a few months into the relationship occasionally became all day everyday. I mean literally when he woke up, before work, when he was out with friends, after work, and then some. It caused a huge issue in our relationship and it was one of the main reasons why we actually broke up for a few weeks. He eventually got pulled over and they found weed in his car so he got community service and some kind of probation for almost a year. During that year he didnít smoke at all. He did a lot of personal growth and realized that it wasnít a healthy habit and admitted that it was an addiction. He swore up and down that when he could smoke again he would smoke only a few days a week mostly in social situations when heís out with friends. Well itís been 2 months since he started smoking and heís slteady back to his old habits. He smokes from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed. He smokes before every single one of our dates and during. It bothers me because 1 itís an addiction. But also his personality is once again changing because heís high all the time and weíre having all the same issues again. Him being incapable of having a serious conversation, always falling asleep randomly throughout the day, being distant, not being his affectionate or nurturing self, not caring about my feelings during arguments or just coming across as uncaring in general, impulsive choices, and just feeling like thereís no emotional depth in the relationship. Iíve tried to talk to him about these things but he either doesnít take it seriously or makes excuses like ďwell I still have a good job, go to the gym, pay my bills, etc.Ē But in my opinion you finding a way to be productive outside of your addiction does not take away the fact that itís still an addiction. It may not affect certain areas of his life but it affects others, including our relationship. I donít know what to do or how to talk to him about this anymore but we plan on moving in together in a few months and I really see this being an issue. Like I said I donít mimd occasional smoking but I wonít contonue to turn a blind eye to an addiction that he himself admitted he had.
                I don't believe in recreational smoking. Smoking is smoking and it's not needed to survive. Had he not Ľdiscoverę smoking, he would never smoke. What is the root of his smoking is probably a key for him to leave. He knows how to be sober, he showed this to you already. Be firm, you want him to quit. There are many people who are giving advice on quitting. You can support him, but only if he make a decision to do so. If he does not, this smoking slavery will continue and the bad consequences will pile up. He can quit, for good, forever. Is he willing to take the help that is in the world? What you do is on you. I would say postpone moving in together. Imagine him as being a husband and a father of your child. Do you want smoking to be a bad friend in this relationship? Do you think it's healthy? Think well and be firm, he has to Stop. And he can!

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