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Herpes Diagnosis...Sex Life is Ruined

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  • Herpes Diagnosis...Sex Life is Ruined

    Im in my 20s and have just found out I have herpes. Ive lived my life as being very pro female positivity towards sex and am very passionate about the getring rid of the stigma that only men can sleep around and that women should not be slut shamed. I have never been in a relationship but love sex with different people but now with this disgnosis there is no way I will have sex with anyone for fear of passing it onto them. Sex was such a huge and happy part of my life and I feel quite devestated about this. I cant go on a night out and tell a guy I have herpes and still get laid, If the guy has told me that Id have never have slept with him. As well, Ive never had a realtionship before as I have really bad insecurity about myself that Im not worthy of one anyone and was just starting to get comfortable with myself and ready for one only weeks before this so I now have been brought back down to zero confidence for ever having one. I know some might scoff at me for this but I live a really big party lifestyle and I now feel as I have nothing anymore as thats what my job revolved around (helping run a party/sex positive hostel). I even moved to a different country to pursue this and now I feel like theres no point in me living here.

  • #2
    So what is your plan?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Hi Sarah, at this moment I do not have a plan. I am just scared that no one will accept me with this diagnosis and I will have to leave. I guess I was just hoping to hear if anyone else that lives the lifestyle I have and also has herpes and how they have managed with it

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      • #4
        Well, there are drugs to keep it at bay.
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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        • #5
          my job revolved around (helping run a party/sex positive hostel).
          The odds were high you'd end up with something.

          Educate yourself about herpes and simmer down. You are being hysterical in your doomy gloominess.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            Adding to above:

            Check this out and if this link doesn't help you then simply google "forums for those with herpes."

            https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #7
              Calm yourself down!

              1 in 8 sexually active adults have genital herpes.
              You can only transmit it to another during an active outbreak similar to herpes cold sores on the mouth.

              You also can take medication to prevent outbreaks.

              An ex partner of mine (just one year) took the meds. He only had one mild outbreak in that year and we abstained.
              I didnít contract it. He was honest about having herpes from day one.

              Its up to you what you are going to do re sexual partners.
              The good and right thing to do would be upfront and honest even with a one night stand and donít
              have sex during an outbreak (Condoms donít offer protection)

              Its all well and good that you are pro female positivity regarding casual sex but you must remember that it actually doesnít matter what you think when it comes down to a partner CHOOSING you. Their belief matters to them and them only.
              So while you donít have to tell a future potential partner about your sexual history , be mindful that a potential partner might reject you because you had sex the first night (Double standards I know but not something you or I can change)

              Have you been tested for all STIís? All too often people test positive for more than one STI most notably chlamydia which can cause no symptoms for weeks , months or years. It lies dormant , however while dormant can be spread to another and cause loss of fertility.
              Please get tested if you havenít already done so.

              On another note I do find you a bit contradictory in your supposed pro female positivity surrounding sex.
              I would believe you except that you said you donít feel worthy of a relationship.
              Those two points donít really go hand in hand imo.
              ​​​​​​​

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              • #8
                You can only transmit it to another during an active outbreak similar to herpes cold sores on the mouth.
                This is incorrect, Mags. You can transmit it when there are no outbreaks. Google Herpes Shedding and you'll see what I mean.

                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                • #9
                  Great info here. Hope you are feeling better, OP. You should feel worthy of love and don't let this stop you from being happy. I hope you find that one day and realize that.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                    This is incorrect, Mags. You can transmit it when there are no outbreaks. Google Herpes Shedding and you'll see what I mean.
                    Wow , thanks Phases, I didnít realise! I had a lucky escape so!
                    I wonder if the meds prevent shedding?

                    Also the CDC are the best source of information for any infectious diseases.

                    Here is the link for herpes from CDC.

                    https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfa...s-detailed.htm

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