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God or god in a marriage.

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  • God or god in a marriage.

    Ok so my wife and I have been together over 5 years. We have never been to church together or even tried to have a relationship with god.

    A few weeks ago my wife started asking questions about religion and god and had started to want a relationship with god. Me on the other hand doesn't believe in god. I she wants to talk about this journey into god with me. I don't know what to do. If this is something she wants I want her to have it..

    I use to go to church and be religious and be head over heels for god. I know all the right things to say and when to say them to encourage her relationship with god but I just can't say them because I don't believe. I tell her that I am toxic to this type of subject that I'm afraid if we talk about it and open up that I will discourage her and hold her back from this walk she will have with god. Well imagine being me a non believer.

    My previous relationship was horribly ruined when my fiance cheating on me. The crazy part about it is that it all stated with wanting a relationship with god. I told my ex that I don't want a relationship with god cause I don't believe. Well she meets this guy at college that wants to go with her to a religious book reading and go to church. And one thing led to another and she ends up sleeping with him. I get it. She needed emotional support during this time and I couldn't give it to her because I just don't believe. She opened up to him and he did likewise. In my book that's the begining of a relationship.

    Fast forward 7 years and lo and behold it's happening again. My wife met some guy at work who happens to go to the same college she does who follows god. She had only been talking to him for a week but I already know how this will end. She stayed after work and talked and "prayed" with him. She hasn't been clear on how long they talked for that night. Over the weekend I was able to look through her text messages and found messages to him saying she thought about him and telling him how her night was. She spent the whole day/night with me we even went star gazing but she never once brought me up on the text messages hell when she told him about the star gazing she said "I went star gazing"....... "I" not "we'.

    I have expressed my feelings about this to her but she just doesn't care to hear them and starts accusing me of cheating. So today she gets home from the store and tells me she called and talked to this guy and is going to church with him at the college next week. And completely disrespects my wish of not doing/starting this with another man. When I asked her a bout the messages I read she said she was thinking about him because of the whole god thing but not once did she say that In the message. We have 2 kids one is my 2 year old daughter and the other is my stepson. I don't know what to do in this situation but it all seems so Much like the last time but with kids.
    Last edited by Oversharedude; July 7th, 2016, 07:16 AM. Reason: adding paragraphs to make it easier to read

  • #2
    I don't really think this has anything to do with her finding God. She could meet a guy in any situation and decide to start hanging out with him.

    The real issue here is that she is disrespectful of your wishes. Have you told her about how you were cheated on in the past, and why you are sceptical of her hanging out with this guy alone?

    Perhaps you could go along and meet this guy. You don't have to commit to going to church all the time and getting back into God again, but just say you will go along with her to see what it is like.

    She wanted you to go with her initially. If all of a sudden now she has met this guy she doesn't want you to go along with her, I'd say that's a red flag right there.
    Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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    • #3
      Oh God.

      I'm really fortunate that my husband and I share the same non-religious sentiments. And we were both raised in very strict Catholic/Episcopalian homes. It would be hell to have one person religious and the other not.

      I agree with Reg that this is not so much about god but about needing someone to fill a void in her life. She is being disrespectful to you by meeting a man and going places with him. You should probably go with them and see what kind of chemistry exists between them. And then try to figure out how YOU can fill the void instead of the other guy and god.
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

      Comment


      • #4
        How very typical of her to have an affair when she's claiming to want to follow the word of god. Did she forget that "god" clearly states that Thou shall not covet thy neighbours wife? (I'm thinking he met to say thy neighbours husband or wife but Moses ran out of tablet O.o)
        Get rid of this harlot and you're a fool if you continue on with, amongst other things, a hypocrite. If you're paying for this "college" then you're even more of a push over when she's clearly in the throes of an emotional affair. You keep picking the same type of woman, why is that?

        How old are you? You had an ex in college and 7 years later you have another one in college? Where are you finding these women not yet finished school and established in a career? Do you work at the college or something?
        Last edited by phasesofthemoon; July 6th, 2016, 01:32 PM.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Fred34567 View Post
          Ok so my wife and I have been together over 5 years. We have never been to church together or even tried to have a relationship with god.

          A few weeks ago my wife started asking questions about religion and god and had started to want a relationship with god. Me on the other hand doesn't believe in god. I she wants to talk about this journey into god with me. I don't know what to do. If this is something she wants I want her to have it..

          I use to go to church and be religious and be head over heels for god. I know all the right things to say and when to say them to encourage her relationship with god but I just can't say them because I don't believe. I tell her that I am toxic to this type of subject that I'm afraid if we talk about it and open up that I will discourage her and hold her back from this walk she will have with god. Well imagine being me a non believer.

          My previous relationship was horribly ruined when my fiance cheating on me. The crazy part about it is that it all stated with wanting a relationship with god. I told my ex that I don't want a relationship with god cause I don't believe. Well she meets this guy at college that wants to go with her to a religious book reading and go to church. And one thing led to another and she ends up sleeping with him. I get it. She needed emotional support during this time and I couldn't give it to her because I just don't believe. She opened up to him and he did likewise. In my book that's the begining of a relationship.

          Fast forward 7 years and lo and behold it's happening again. My wife met some guy at work who happens to go to the same college she does who follows god. She had only been talking to him for a week but I already know how this will end. She stayed after work and talked and "prayed" with him. She hasn't been clear on how long they talked for that night. Over the weekend I was able to look through her text messages and found messages to him saying she thought about him and telling him how her night was. She spent the whole day/night with me we even went star gazing but she never once brought me up on the text messages hell when she told him about the star gazing she said "I went star gazing"....... "I" not "we'.

          I have expressed my feelings about this to her but she just doesn't care to hear them and starts accusing me of cheating. So today she gets home from the store and tells me she called and talked to this guy and is going to church with him at the college next week. And completely disrespects my wish of not doing/starting this with another man. When I asked her a bout the messages I read she said she was thinking about him because of the whole god thing but not once did she say that In the message. We have 2 kids one is my 2 year old daughter and the other is my stepson. I don't know what to do in this situation but it all seems so Much like the last time but with kids.
          I know this is an old post, but I believe that God is trying to give you another opportunity to come back to him.

          Comment


          • #6
            The head Pastafarian at the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster disagrees.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

            Comment

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