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The Long Haul Are you past the flirting and dating stage? Wondering if there's life after 6 months with the same person? If you're in a serious long term relationship, this is your one-stop shop for questions and answers.

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Unread April 8th, 2012, 08:34 PM   #1
lilbittie
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Default Should I dump him?

I've been with this guy for almost a year. So far we've had many ups and downs. He and I were both married but separated when we first met. He was still living with his wife and my ex just moved out but since then he's found a place and has lived there for almost 8 months. Anyway, we started out rocky because he was not able to tell his wife about me even though she had a boyfriend....blah, blah, blah and since we worked together we had to keep our relationship completely private. He is a manager and I am an associate. He's also married to his job and we only see each other once or twice a week (it's okay because I like my space).

So my feelings for him grew strong then became week once he started leaving me hanging. Example 1. He left me in the hospital over night by myself after having heart surgery to spend time with his ex-wife and her family when they came to town. Example 2. I was rushed to the hospital from work bc of my heart condition and he couldn't be there for me because he was working. After dumping him because of these reasons he begged and pleaded with me to get back together and he would be there for me anytime I needed. He kept up his end of the bargan until yesterday...

I needed a ride to my car in the morning. It was in the shop for scheduled maintenance and he agreed the night before he would take me to my car before work. Well, 6:30 am he left me knowing I didn't not have transportation. He told me he had to be at work super early kissed me good bye and left. I had to walk 45 mins in the cold to pick up my car....here's the kicker...just two days before, his car was in the shop for repairs. I picked him up from the shop and took him to work, then picked him up from work and took him to pick up his car. I rearranged my schedule so I could do this for him with no questions asked.He doesn't think he did anything wrong but apologized for his sincerity is what he called it. WTF!!!!!!

Who does this?

This man is a gentleman. He's considerate and caring when we are together. When we are not together he's a different person and I don't like him at all. It doesn't make any sense. Should I just dump him and move on?

Keep in mind that I have not mentioned all the great things he does and is and all the other dumb stuff like forgetting my birthday. Bottom line, would I be over reacting if I dumped him and moved on.
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Unread April 8th, 2012, 09:18 PM   #2
pragmatic
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Default Re: Should I dump him?

I don't think you'd be over reacting. But even if you did dump him, you'd still be wondering 'why did he act that way?'

The best thing (in every bad scenario in a relationship) is to sit the person down and calmly and logically say: 'hey, this [INSERT ISSUE HERE] is bothering me. I don't know why you acted that way. Could you explain your train of thought to me because it doesn't make sense right now and I'm wanting to understand'.

That way, people have to explain their actions clearly, logically, and simply. From that you can tell if it makes sense or not?
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Unread April 30th, 2012, 01:51 AM   #3
wolf88
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Default Re: Should I dump him?

even if you do sit down and talk to him, i don't think it changes anything. the fact of the matter is, it is the actions of the guy that matter. through his actions he has consistently proven that he takes you for granted. imo, cut your losses, dump him, and find someone who cares for you as much as you do for him.
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Unread April 30th, 2012, 04:41 AM   #4
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Default Re: Should I dump him?

I don't know... I'm of the opinion that he's just absent minded. He may be "selfish" in a way, but it doesn't sound intentional.

Like, when you made him aware of what was going on, he felt bad about it, he didn't go, "your problem not mine, bitch" and make you feel like shit for it. Clearly there is a lack of communication here.

Did you *tell* him how much it meant for you to be there for you at the hospital? Did you tell him how important it was that he buy you something for your birthday? When he came to kiss you goodbye before work did you say, "WAIT! I need a ride too!" and *do* something about it?

Sure, he did these dumb things, but I think you may not be discussing things with him as clearly as he needs it to be discussed. He's not a mind reader. Men aren't like women... but if you'd prefer someone who's more like minded maybe you should find someone else.

So, I recommend that you either learn to tell him whats important to you *before* you get upset about him not reading your mind, OR you dump him and find someone out there who thinks more like you.
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Unread April 30th, 2012, 05:10 AM   #5
Ben91
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Default Re: Should I dump him?

If you need to ask you probably already know the answer.

NO
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We talked about getting married though, and already had names for our child. Our case is different because we loved each other. Blablabla
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