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Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

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Unread January 5th, 2012, 01:40 AM   #1
Electronic Supersonic
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Sad Broke up with my gf, but i want to get back with her...

I really cared for her, and i was ready to tell her i love her right after she came back from winter break, yet i get the lovely news from her telling me she wants to break up

her reasoning being: "Ive thought alot about it over the winter break, and i noticed that my feelings have plateaued, and ive decided that i dont want to be in a relationship with anyone right now"

im completley crushed, ive never actually cried over stuff like this, but i bawled my eyes out for a good 2 hrs. She was literally everything i could have asked for in a girl; well mannered, shy, innocent, down to earth, and alot of the same likes and dislikes. We were both virgins (and we still are, never got to do anything), and we were both each others first relationship. Not to mention, she was beyond beautiful

i feel so hopeless and empty, i feel like no girl will ever be as good as her. I shared so many good moments with her, Ive been with her for 4 months now (8 if you wanna count 4 months of long distance). Though its shallow, I feel i will never find another virgin my age (20 years old, im pretty pathetic i know), but i dont want to lose mine to a girl who's experienced, its just the standard ive set for myself. I dont think anyone can really relate to how i feel due to my standards. I waited so long to find a girl that fit my standards, and she was the angel i was searching for. now shes gone

i dont see myself ever replacing her. She was one in a million, i was lucky to even find her. I had to go through so many women to find the one who fit my standards. Shallowness aside, her personality was simply golden.

my friend has been telling me not to even try getting back with her, but right now, its the only thing on my mind; to get back with her. So far, ive only told her that i respect her decision. Ive not done anything rash like beg her to stay, or anything like that. I feel that, we never spent enough time together, and thats why her feelings could never grow (we literally went on dates maybe every other week, and mostly talked through texts)

i feel that, if we spent more quality time together, and less b.s. texting, she could let her feelings grow, and thats why i want her back. If anyone has gotten back with an ex girlfriend, please tell me how they did so, if it actually works/ is worth attempting? How long should I wait before i can start talking to her again, and what should i tell her? Or do i just simply move on and pray to some deity that someone better will come along? either way, it all seems hopeless to me.
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Unread January 5th, 2012, 08:38 AM   #2
mike b
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Default Re: Broke up with my gf, but i want to get back with her...

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Originally Posted by Electronic Supersonic View Post
i feel that, if we spent more quality time together, and less b.s. texting, she could let her feelings grow

Why was your relationship with this Angel so full of not-quality time and b.s. texting?



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Unread January 5th, 2012, 10:34 AM   #3
Electronic Supersonic
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Default Re: Broke up with my gf, but i want to get back with her...

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Originally Posted by mike b View Post
Why was your relationship with this Angel so full of not-quality time and b.s. texting?-
You see, i the beginning it was much better. We only dated a few times and made it official. Since the beginning though, she never really was available for going out on dates. But at least we'd supplement that with just going over to her place and cuddling, just doing w.e..

But within 2 months in, she said that she had been thinking, and that being in a serious relationship was all too weird for her and too new, that her feelings about the relationship were in limbo. I told her then that maybe we should go out on more dates, since we really only had 2 official dates and we were official. She then said that we shouldnt do anymore random cuddling time and just go out on dates. I agreed, what else could i have said.

After this is when it all seemed to go downhill. We went on maybe 2 more official dates, since again alot of the time she was busy. Feelings were never shared, and i hid alot of what i felt due to some fear. I felt i couldnt convey what kind of a guy i was through these dates, as the whole time i felt pressure to be her prince charming. I wanted to tell her that i felt less time alone and doing these official dates of hers mase me feel that it was taking us no where. Spending less time together isnt going to make feelings grow, its just going to inhibit growth. Especially when you put such an importance on dates.

I dunno why i feel like if i waited, i could get her back. Not so much that i come beg her back, but that she realizes what we had, and comes back b/c she misses it. Ive taken all the right steps imo, simply telling her that i respect her decision. Plus i havent talked to her at all since then.

Her older sister went throuh a similar situation. She broke up with him, but she still had feelings for him (even if they "plateaued" before the breakup), and they got back together. Her best friend dumped her bf on multiple occassions, and she keeps taking him back (theyre still together even now). She said she wasnt gonna change her mind, but i dunno what to believe anymore. Im still a virgin as is she, she was uncomfortable with sex since day one due to her shy nature, and putting alot of value on her virginity.

Last edited by Electronic Supersonic; January 5th, 2012 at 10:44 AM..
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Unread January 5th, 2012, 03:50 PM   #4
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Default Re: Broke up with my gf, but i want to get back with her...

first off congrats on being a virgin at 20 but in most cases once a couple looses thier virginity its a nautral thing to want to see what else is out there. women that have slept with a couple or a few people atleast know what its like to see whats out there and are more mature in that aspect. You should change that standard because if you find another virgin its highly possible that it may not work for that reason.

She said her feelings hit thier peak and thats where they will probably stay. you are both young and she probably figured she need to see the world. we all have gone through a break up to think there was no replacement but im telling you there is always someone out there thats a better fit for you than the last. i agree with your friend. you should just leave her alone. doing this will show her you do respect her wishes and if anything give you more of a chance. even if she does reach out to you eventually DO NOT start talking about how you miss her and want her back. it will chase her away again.

in time she could feel she made a mistake but you have to play it cool and back off. you have to play off that you are happy and have moved on. she will see this and want to know the person you are now and not then otherwise whats the point if its not new. ive used some of these techniques in the past and it worked to get ex's back. keys are, stick with no contact and show them you respect thier wishes. go out, have fun, go on dates, dont put your life on hold. if she does reach out to you show that life is good and build a new friendship that could blossom into a brand new relationship. If the opportunity comes to have sex thats on you but honestly ask yourself; do you think she is going to wait if the opportunity comes up for her? i know you dont want to hear that but im speaking from truth. she could meet some guy that is fling material and everything wrong for her but some girls find that a thrill and exciting. hell it could happen to you with a girl thats opposite.

i know you have tunnel vision right now but try to set it aside. be optimistic to the fact that there may or may not be a future but for now leave her be. if you start begging or contacting her i gurantee you will push her away more! Break ups hurt and most people feel as you do that you wont ever find a replacement but you will when you least expect it or its possible she may come back but DONT PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD!
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Unread January 5th, 2012, 07:28 PM   #5
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Default Re: Broke up with my gf, but i want to get back with her...

You know drewcious, your definately right. I just feel horrible b/c i gave her my all, and she never gave back. We never did anything beyond kissing, and she didnt even like kissing with tongue (but i did, and she never really let me). What angers me the most is that we never even had sex after 8 months of barely even getting anywhere. I gave her so much respect in regards to that, i never pressured her i to doing anything. As i said she was (and still is) a virgin, so she was extremely shy to even talk about it.

Im gonna be honest, its her virginity that i was striving so hard for. I want my first time to be with another virgin, for many reasons (its a special moment for the both of us, we learn from eachother, we're both giving eachothers virginity to one another, i feel as if i will be immasculimized if i have to be basically coached by a girl who has had more experience than me, and so on). I simply dont want it any other way, and the fact of the matter is, im scared i will never find another beautiful virgin like her. And its part of the reason i want her back, b/c shes the only virgin i know of. Quite frankly, if she loses it to someone else, she will be completley worthless to me, as she will no longer fit my standards. As shallow as it may sound, thats just how i see it. Ive dated many women before her, and i simply lose the desire to have sex once i discover that the girl isnt a virgin.

I like the idea of simply moving on and becoming stronger. And if this what it takes to get her back, im willing to try. I said from the beginning that i would do whatever it takes to lose my virginity to another virgin, and that i would do whatever it takes to lose it with my ex. Either one will satisfy me immensly, but its just that i have absolutely no will power to go out and start dating again. I dont like the "thrill of the chase" i like "settling down and getting serious". I never dated for fun, i dated with goals in mind: to find a virgin I could have a serious relationship with, and to eventually lose our virginities to eachother.

I really appreciate the reply. While i knew all along that the only way to get her back is to cut off contact, its just that i know what kind of person she is. Shes not the type to start conversations, and for some reason, i think even if she wanted to get back together, i highly doubt shed ever tell me, and would prob just hope that i would start talking to her. Shes been like this since we met, never was much of a talker, very introverted. My question i guess is if i were to ever contact her (of course, after ive took the time get better), what would i even say? I would have to prove to her that im ok without her, and contacting her again would make it all go bad, wouldnt it?
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