Members: 15,312
Threads: 37,845
Posts: 403,612
Online: 67

Newest Member: Murfdog


Go Back   The Relationship Forums > The Relationship > Down in the Dumps

Notices

Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

Reply
Thread Tools
Unread January 4th, 2012, 01:42 AM   #1
ougj
New Member
 
Join Date: January 3rd, 2012
Posts: 2
Gender: Male
ougj is on a distinguished road
Default girlfriend trust issues

hi everybody, me and my current girlfriend have been going out for about 2 months now. we're both 19. she's only had one ex and that relationship lasted for a good 3 years. plus, i she was a virgin prior to dating me. all in all, very innocent.

however, there have been a few instances when i notice her acting different in public with me. for example, she'll look at other people (both guys and girls) as we talk, which I have confronted her about, saying it is very disrepesctufl towards me. she said she understands and would try to fix it. another time we were both at a chill party with some friends and she acted very strange, whenever a certain guy would walk in the room she would let go of my hand and make it seem like she wasn't with me. (thats what it seemed like to me) however, when i asked her about it she said she didn't do it on purpose and that if she did unconsciously she was sorry about it. this new years though we were at a dub step concert grinding and i noticed a guy to our right standing alone. she kept looking to the right as if she was looking at the guy standing and i even asked her what she looking at, and she responded, "nothing". later that night we were about to leave when one guy out of 3 smiled directly at her and she smiled back, and i said, "could you look at me as we talk?", but she kept glancing back even though i asked her. later when i confronted her about those two situations that night, she denied both. we have been in a argument about that for a few days, mainly just me accusing her and her continually denying it. on the 2nd day, she eventually admitted that she did those things but then took it back later that day and said "i can't believe I lied to myself to try to gain your trust". i feel like either she is telling the truth or in extreme denial.

what i don't get is that i know i saw those things but she is so confident in denying whatever i accuse her of. i want to believe her but at the same time i can't deny what i see. it's the fact that she denies things that makes me upset more than the fact that she actually does them. either way, i feel like both the denial and actions are disrespectful towards me and not appropriate in a relationship.

in about two weeks we will have to go long-distance b/c of school, and i will only see her about once every 2-3 weeks. i'm worried that if she can't admit things, and (in my opinion) does them right in front of me, i feel like then she will never admit something like cheating on me. should i just break her off? helppp
ougj is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread January 4th, 2012, 03:17 AM   #2
Kyu
Flirtatious
 
Join Date: October 19th, 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 154
Gender: Male
Kyu will become famous soon enoughKyu will become famous soon enough
Default Re: girlfriend trust issues

pay close attention cause I am about to drop some knowledge

You're a jealous and controlling freak. I intend to come across harshly because you will definitely lose her within in the next few weeks if you don't change !!! I promise you that. She stops holding your hand ? She is looking at other people ?

You don't own her. She can look at whom ever she pleases at any time. Many guys seem to think they own their girlfriend. This is not the case. ( unless you live in some islamic country )
She can smile and talk and be with 100 guys. You have absolutely no right, and more importantly NO FUCKING REASON to intervene !!! In fact, jealousy is sooooo extremely unattractive ... you're lucky she didn't leave you already ! Trust me. Nothing kills a relationship faster !

You blame others for looking at her ? Let them look. You're the one who gets to touch her. Be happy about that. And for christs sake, ...let her look back. Who gives a shit ? Do you want her to wear blinders ? Let her flirt a little bit. Women her age need and WANT this reassurance. They wanna be told that they're hot. Its good for their ego.


Here is whats gonna happen if you don't change your behavior ASAP,

1.) You decide to not change your attitude and start trusting her you can only be together if you kidnap her and move to saudi arabia.

2.) You decide to change and there is a chance that she will stay with you in the long run.

But I am guessing you don't believe a word I say and therefore will have to learn it the hard way.
Kyu is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread January 4th, 2012, 08:55 AM   #3
ougj
New Member
 
Join Date: January 3rd, 2012
Posts: 2
Gender: Male
ougj is on a distinguished road
Default Re: girlfriend trust issues

thanks kyu, that really put things into perspective. it's just that i have going long-distance will be difficult and i guess i have doubts because of that...
ougj is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread January 4th, 2012, 02:28 PM   #4
Drewcious281
St. Valentines
 
Drewcious281's Avatar
 
Join Date: March 19th, 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,609
Gender: Male
Drewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: girlfriend trust issues

I used to have issues with this when i was your age of 19 but then i realized a year into the relationship that guys are going to look at my woman and thier going to look back. That doesnt mean she is checking them out. Some people are more observant than others and even if she was looking at them bottom line is she is with you. You will lose her if you continue all of this. Women and men find this extremely unnatractive. It shows your insecure. if you really have this big of trust issues with her than i suggest you do break it off because eventually she is going to get tired of being questioned. Just stop paying attention to every little thing she does.

You cant tell me you have looked at other girls and if you say you dont in front of her well not everyone is alike. You will get it when your a bit older but honestly if you want to salvage this relationship you need to sit her down and tell her something along the lines of

"look ive been doing some thinking and i want to tell you that i was in the wrong all those times of accusing you of lying to me for looking at other people. There is nothing wrong with looking at people or being observant. I know guys are going to check you out because your very beautiful and ive realized that your with me for a reason so i shouldnt worry. I sincerely apologize and me being insecure wont happen again".

I gurantee if you word something like that and admit to being insecure she will adore you and it may save your relationship. Key is, YOU HAVE TO STICK TO WHAT YOU TELL HER because she will hold you to it. if you dont stick to it you can kiss her goodbye!
__________________
“If you keep doing what you’ve always done, youll keep on being what you’ve always been. Nothing changes unless you make it change”

"My name isn't Willy Wonka , I don't sugar coat shit."

"Handle every situation like a dog. If you cant eat it or chew it. Pee on it and walk away"
Drewcious281 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread January 4th, 2012, 08:58 PM   #5
Dasmi
St. Valentines
 
Dasmi's Avatar
 
Join Date: December 5th, 2011
Posts: 1,947
Gender: Female
Status: Engaged
Dasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: girlfriend trust issues

I agree with Kyu that you are way too controlling and need to chill. If you don't, this long distance phase will definitely break you two up, no doubt about it.

I, however, don't agree that you have to let her flirt. This is something that both parties in a relationship need to agree on because rules need to be fair. If she can flirt, you can flirt. But you have to both agree either way you go. But this habit of yours of watching everywhere her eyes go is over the top.
__________________
"Why are you always smiling?"
"Because it's all so fucking hysterical."


Hier kommt die Sonne
Dasmi is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread January 5th, 2012, 04:55 PM   #6
Kyu
Flirtatious
 
Join Date: October 19th, 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 154
Gender: Male
Kyu will become famous soon enoughKyu will become famous soon enough
Default Re: girlfriend trust issues

â little flirt here and there is healthy for your sex-life ... spices up things in the bedroom

Some good friends of mine have a perfectly healthy relationship but on New Years Eve she flirted with some guys. He didn't care at all. He knows that she'd never cheat on him. But I am sure he was way more passionate than usual when they got home if you know what I mean haha
Kyu is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread January 5th, 2012, 11:08 PM   #7
Dasmi
St. Valentines
 
Dasmi's Avatar
 
Join Date: December 5th, 2011
Posts: 1,947
Gender: Female
Status: Engaged
Dasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond reputeDasmi has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: girlfriend trust issues

Maybe so but if one person isn't feeling it, it's the opposite of healthy. One person can't tell another what is healthy, if they disagree and one of them goes ahead with it anyways, it'll just cause problems. Some couples even consider it healthy/sexy when they bring outsiders into the relationship, all depends on the couple.
__________________
"Why are you always smiling?"
"Because it's all so fucking hysterical."


Hier kommt die Sonne
Dasmi is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:02 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Contents © 2005 The Relationship Forums. All rights reserved.
A vBSkinworks Design