Members: 15,636
Threads: 38,446
Posts: 408,897
Online: 29

Newest Member: Howtoprocreed


Go Back   The Relationship Forums > The Relationship > Down in the Dumps

Notices

Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

Reply
Thread Tools
Unread December 16th, 2011, 06:39 PM   #1
ffhockey
New Member
 
Join Date: September 20th, 2011
Posts: 19
ffhockey is on a distinguished road
Default What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

I was with my ex for 8 months. She left me for another guy who goes to her college. She is in a sorority he is in a fraternity. I am out of college and have a career.

Anyways, after we broke up we started hanging out again and sleeping together again but then she ultimately decided to go with this new guy instead.

We have been broken up for 2 months now and she sent me this text message yesterday:

"If I stop seeing this guy, would you consider going out with me again...?"

I checked her facebook after getting this message and she had an update that said "LOL, speaking of disasters waiting to happen..."

I responded with "You would leave him if I'm what you want. There wouldn't be any ifs. I'm not going to disrespect myself by playing that game where you don't know what you want again." She never responded.

So I'm assuming they got in a bad fight and she was thinking about leaving him or something. But then today she posted a new update and she was hanging out with this new guy and a couple of his friends. So what's going on?

Did they make up and now she doesn't want to come back to me? Should I just sit here and wait for her to respond to me? It's been 24 hours with no response and obviously they are hanging out again...I want her back but I don't know how to play it.
ffhockey is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 16th, 2011, 06:54 PM   #2
phasesofthemoon
I'm not a moderator yet?
 
phasesofthemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: February 21st, 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,500
Gender: Female
Status: Happily connected for many years ! Oh, and glad I'm not a Moderator :D
phasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

To late now but I would have responded with "lolzzzz" if I responded at all.

If she's your ex, why have you still got access to her fuckfacebook, cell, email and any other means of contact? SHE LEFT YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Please get some self-respect and block and delete her from contacting you with her crap. At the very least, tiss the season afterall so send her one of my Patented "Happy Go Fuck Yourself" greeting cards.

She left you for college boy.. If I were you, I'd move on from her totally, heal and find someone who knows what she wants.

P.S. She sent you a shout out to see if she could still pull you with just mere words. Evidently the answer is yes. Fix that.
__________________
"First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!
phasesofthemoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 16th, 2011, 06:55 PM   #3
mike b
Casanova
 
Join Date: October 8th, 2011
Posts: 564
Gender: Male
mike b will become famous soon enoughmike b will become famous soon enough
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ffhockey View Post
"If I stop seeing this guy, would you consider going out with me again...?"
I don't know the details of your past with her, but it sounds like she opened up to you.

And then you responded in a way that sounds cold, like you don't trust her, and you don't want her in your life. Again, your response may have been appropriate based on your past experiences with her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ffhockey View Post
I responded with "You would leave him if I'm what you want. There wouldn't be any ifs. I'm not going to disrespect myself by playing that game where you don't know what you want again."
If you want her back, the appropriate response would have been a simple "Yes," because you would consider it. Then, after you get talking, you could discuss with her what your fears and conditions are.
mike b is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 16th, 2011, 06:57 PM   #4
ffhockey
New Member
 
Join Date: September 20th, 2011
Posts: 19
ffhockey is on a distinguished road
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

Well I kinda feel like I shouldn't sit around and be her safety net and I shouldnt make it so easy. She needs to work to get me back. She left me afterall. Should I send another message that is a little more inviting? I just feel like if she really wanted me then nothing would stop her and she would be trying everything to get me back. I dont want to be a pussy about this and I dont want her to just deny me again when I make every effort to get her. I feel like its her turn to do some work if she really wants me.

Or should I just be silent and hope that they just dont work out?
ffhockey is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 16th, 2011, 06:59 PM   #5
phasesofthemoon
I'm not a moderator yet?
 
phasesofthemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: February 21st, 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,500
Gender: Female
Status: Happily connected for many years ! Oh, and glad I'm not a Moderator :D
phasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

^^^^ You got that right. Don't respond to her anymore.. she plays you and you let her. If she contacts you again then tell her don't talk to me unless you're single and all grown up. The End.

Quote:
I don't know the details of your past with her, but it sounds like she opened up to you.
Not quite sure how you come to that conclusion from her manipulative sentence that says sweet bugger all about wanting him back if you read it, all she's doing is seeing if she still has an option in him.

She was making sure first before being alone all together by asking if HE (op) would take her back if she was no longer with lover boy. (which btw indicates that she still is. Don' have ANYTHING to do with her while she's with someone else) I'd say if she was actually opening up, she would have said, I've broken up with college boy, I made a huge mistake, would you consider taking me back" instead of making sure her option was still available before breaking up with college boy.

Quote:
Or should I just be silent and hope that they just dont work out?
You should just be in NO CONTACT with her and get on with your life without her in it.
__________________
"First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

Last edited by phasesofthemoon; December 16th, 2011 at 07:15 PM..
phasesofthemoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 16th, 2011, 06:59 PM   #6
mike b
Casanova
 
Join Date: October 8th, 2011
Posts: 564
Gender: Male
mike b will become famous soon enoughmike b will become famous soon enough
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

Okay, sure. Do you wish she'd broken up with him before asking you?




-
mike b is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 16th, 2011, 07:01 PM   #7
Drewcious281
St. Valentines
 
Drewcious281's Avatar
 
Join Date: March 19th, 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,609
Gender: Male
Drewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to beholdDrewcious281 is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

She wants you at her convenience man. do not play into her game. seriously if an ex asked me to take her back if things didnt work out with another dude i would tell her to go fuck herself. why do you want a manipulative woman like this in your life? what if you do take her back and she meets another guy she likes and goes for him leaving you high and dry? From the sounds of it this is how she is. You need to just ignore her, let her go and if she tries crawling back you need to keep in mind that she is just using you till the next best thing comes along. Let her go or you will find you keep wasting your time on a relationship hopper instead of actually finding a good woman for yourself. You are out of college and have a career, she knows that you have your shit together so your just a fail safe for her. Find someone on your same level.
__________________
“If you keep doing what you’ve always done, youll keep on being what you’ve always been. Nothing changes unless you make it change”

"My name isn't Willy Wonka , I don't sugar coat shit."

"Handle every situation like a dog. If you cant eat it or chew it. Pee on it and walk away"
Drewcious281 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 16th, 2011, 07:29 PM   #8
ffhockey
New Member
 
Join Date: September 20th, 2011
Posts: 19
ffhockey is on a distinguished road
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

The reason its hard for me to let her go completely is because things were so great. Until we got the part where she got comfortable with her new college friends and decided to jump ship of course...

I've never liked a girl as much as her and I've been with my fair share of girls. This is why its so hard to completely let go of the situation.

I feel like if she comes crawling to me then I MIGHT be ok with it. She would have a lot of explaining to do and I would have to feel she was sincere. I KIND of understand that since she is so young she might want to explore some other options before being tied down for life ya know?

But at the same time I cant be a pussy about this. I cant let her walk all over me. I'm not going to whisper sweet nothings in her ear while shes out getting railed by some frat dude. But its hard. As a guy I feel like I should fight for what I want...and I did fight. She chose the other guy anyway. So now I have to change my tune.
ffhockey is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 16th, 2011, 08:16 PM   #9
mike b
Casanova
 
Join Date: October 8th, 2011
Posts: 564
Gender: Male
mike b will become famous soon enoughmike b will become famous soon enough
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ffhockey View Post
I feel like if she comes crawling to me then I MIGHT be ok with it. She would have a lot of explaining to do
You're looking for much more than an apology. She's not likely to crawl back to you unless her self esteem is in the toilet. Do you really want someone who's self esteem is in the toilet?




-
mike b is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 16th, 2011, 08:46 PM   #10
ffhockey
New Member
 
Join Date: September 20th, 2011
Posts: 19
ffhockey is on a distinguished road
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mike b View Post
You're looking for much more than an apology. She's not likely to crawl back to you unless her self esteem is in the toilet. Do you really want someone who's self esteem is in the toilet?
I believe you are right. UNLESS, she has an epiphany and realizes I'm what she wants and that I'm better for her or she likes me more or whatever. That's the only way I would want her back.

If she wants me back because he cheats on her, then I don't want her because she is just going back to something she knows is safe. She would still want him if he cheats, its just that she wouldn't be with him because of the fact that he cheated.
ffhockey is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 16th, 2011, 08:52 PM   #11
ffhockey
New Member
 
Join Date: September 20th, 2011
Posts: 19
ffhockey is on a distinguished road
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mike b View Post
Okay, sure. Do you wish she'd broken up with him before asking you?
That would be a good start at least.
ffhockey is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 18th, 2011, 09:39 PM   #12
Jwebb3486
Flirtatious
 
Join Date: November 20th, 2011
Posts: 77
Gender: Male
Jwebb3486 will become famous soon enoughJwebb3486 will become famous soon enough
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

She just wants you as a safety net. Screw her. You're far better off without her.
Jwebb3486 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 18th, 2011, 09:46 PM   #13
LTD87
Flirtatious
 
Join Date: December 16th, 2009
Posts: 71
Gender: Male
Status: Calm.
LTD87 is on a distinguished road
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
P.S. She sent you a shout out to see if she could still pull you with just mere words. Evidently the answer is yes. Fix that.
Beautifully said. Listen to and interpret this OP.
__________________
|| or &&
OS4-IVMBe

"Let us not confuse our open mouth with omnicompetence. Quickly find that proficiency in elocution and homeletics is an indication of those that are in need. Often the best response is silence, for we can never truly understand another's pursuit of happiness. You cannot disassemble what you know nothing of and expect to reassemble it intact."

-Jure Bokan
LTD87 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 20th, 2011, 09:03 AM   #14
ffhockey
New Member
 
Join Date: September 20th, 2011
Posts: 19
ffhockey is on a distinguished road
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LTD87 View Post
Beautifully said. Listen to and interpret this OP.
So after she didn't reply, I went no contact and she sent me a longer message within a couple of days. She asked "are you sure you won't consider? If you don't have feelings for me anymore, thats fine but I just want to know the truth before we grow even further apart."

She has got to seriously be thinking about what we had at this point and she is obviously missing us.

She is so afraid of rejection...I think she is just testing the waters. My new girlfriend is not fulfilling me as she was. Even though she dumped me, I just enjoyed my ex so much more. I want to work this out...
ffhockey is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 20th, 2011, 08:08 PM   #15
phasesofthemoon
I'm not a moderator yet?
 
phasesofthemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: February 21st, 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,500
Gender: Female
Status: Happily connected for many years ! Oh, and glad I'm not a Moderator :D
phasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

You can't work anything out until she's broken up with her new boyfriend. If you want to be foolish enough to take her back then at least don't be so stupid that you are her go to guy when her BOYFRIEND pisses her off.

Tell her to call you when she's a free agent and not to bother until she is. If you do it any other way, entertain her while she's still with him, then you're a fking sap.

... and you, quit using the girl you're with now. You and your ex make a great pair of monkeys; both of you appear to be afraid to let go of one branch before grabbing onto another
__________________
"First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!
phasesofthemoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 20th, 2011, 11:17 PM   #16
ffhockey
New Member
 
Join Date: September 20th, 2011
Posts: 19
ffhockey is on a distinguished road
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

Well let my pussy whipped ways be a testament to everyone here.

Since she asked me twice if I would take her back I finally folded and expressed that I'm with a new girl but that I'm still missing "us".

It didn't matter. She changed her tone and all of a sudden she wasn't interested in getting back together again. She said she thought things through and that she is fine where she is at. Although, she would not ever tell me what happened between her and her new guy, and she would not tell me why she pursued me to get back with her.

I played hard to get, made her chase me a bit, and it still didn't matter. I guess she made up with her current boyfriend.
ffhockey is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 20th, 2011, 11:38 PM   #17
phasesofthemoon
I'm not a moderator yet?
 
phasesofthemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: February 21st, 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,500
Gender: Female
Status: Happily connected for many years ! Oh, and glad I'm not a Moderator :D
phasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

My advice: Block and delete her from contacting you in anyway. Then forget about her but don't forget the lessons you've learned from her ridiculousness, manipulation and immaturity so when a girl in the future presents the same "symptoms" as your ex, you can immediately dump her dumb ass.
__________________
"First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!
phasesofthemoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 20th, 2011, 11:53 PM   #18
ffhockey
New Member
 
Join Date: September 20th, 2011
Posts: 19
ffhockey is on a distinguished road
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

How do I block a phone number?
ffhockey is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread December 20th, 2011, 11:56 PM   #19
phasesofthemoon
I'm not a moderator yet?
 
phasesofthemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: February 21st, 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,500
Gender: Female
Status: Happily connected for many years ! Oh, and glad I'm not a Moderator :D
phasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond reputephasesofthemoon has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: What's going on in my ex's mind? What do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ffhockey View Post
How do I block a phone number?
Call your cell phone provider and see if they can help you. If they don't provide that service then you can just ignore her by not responding (if you're strong that way) or, you can consider changing your number (which your provider can also direct you about).

Good luck.
__________________
"First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!
phasesofthemoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:54 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Contents © 2005 The Relationship Forums. All rights reserved.
A vBSkinworks Design