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Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

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Unread November 25th, 2011, 12:52 PM   #1
prettyinpinkkk
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Default My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

My boyfriend of 3 years is 28 years old and still shares a bed with his mother. I found out about a year into our relationship. One night his mom let it slip out that he sometimes sleeps with her and is a momma's boy. It was a very awkward moment for me and I felt like running the second I heard that. They live in a 3 bedroom house, and he has his own bedroom, so I just don't understand the reasoning for this. But at the same time, it could be because the family is so dysfunctional. My boyfriend has a father but he is married to another woman, so my boyfriends mom is basically "the other woman". His father comes over their house for a few hours every night and then goes back to his home. I believe his father is only still married to his wife for financial reasons. My boyfriend was also raped as a child by a family member. Yes I know the whole thing sounds like a crazy soap opera. Sometimes I wonder why I'm still around, and why I didn't run away from this relationship years ago. I believe all of this craziness could be the reason my boyfriend sleeps with his mom. This whole situation really bothers me and sometimes I really do feel like getting up and leaving. I have discussed how I feel about this with my boyfriend many times and he used to tell me there's nothing wrong with it because he loves his mom. Other times he would tell me his mom made him sleep with her. Recently when I ask him if he's still doing it he tells me he isn't. However, I don't really believe this because sometimes I will go to his house and he has no sheets on his bed. The whole thing really bothers me, but I almost feel stuck. Also, this is NOT a cultural thing because we are both of Hispanic decent and I do not sleep with my parents. I love him and I don't want to judge him on his situation but I just don't feel like this is normal and I worry about my future with him... He says he wants to move out one day, get married, and have a family with me... but sometimes I just don't know. I feel so STUCK sometimes. Any advice?
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Unread November 25th, 2011, 03:35 PM   #2
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Default Re: My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

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Originally Posted by prettyinpinkkk View Post
My boyfriend of 3 years is 28 years old and still shares a bed with his mother. I found out about a year into our relationship. One night his mom let it slip out that he sometimes sleeps with her and is a momma's boy. It was a very awkward moment for me and I felt like running the second I heard that. They live in a 3 bedroom house, and he has his own bedroom, so I just don't understand the reasoning for this. But at the same time, it could be because the family is so dysfunctional. My boyfriend has a father but he is married to another woman, so my boyfriends mom is basically "the other woman". His father comes over their house for a few hours every night and then goes back to his home. I believe his father is only still married to his wife for financial reasons. My boyfriend was also raped as a child by a family member. Yes I know the whole thing sounds like a crazy soap opera. Sometimes I wonder why I'm still around, and why I didn't run away from this relationship years ago. I believe all of this craziness could be the reason my boyfriend sleeps with his mom. This whole situation really bothers me and sometimes I really do feel like getting up and leaving. I have discussed how I feel about this with my boyfriend many times and he used to tell me there's nothing wrong with it because he loves his mom. Other times he would tell me his mom made him sleep with her. Recently when I ask him if he's still doing it he tells me he isn't. However, I don't really believe this because sometimes I will go to his house and he has no sheets on his bed. The whole thing really bothers me, but I almost feel stuck. Also, this is NOT a cultural thing because we are both of Hispanic decent and I do not sleep with my parents. I love him and I don't want to judge him on his situation but I just don't feel like this is normal and I worry about my future with him... He says he wants to move out one day, get married, and have a family with me... but sometimes I just don't know. I feel so STUCK sometimes. Any advice?
If you're asking for permission to leave him, then you have mine.

He has unresolved abuse issues. He was sexually abused by a "family member" and now he is being emotionally abused by his mother and her sick, misplaced shows of affection that he does nothing about to change. Seems he likes it as much as mommy does. He is the last possible person I'd consider to be the father of my children.

Ewww factor: 9-1/2 out of 10. 10 out of 10 if he gives you excuses why he sleeps with her. Oh wait, he does.
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Unread November 25th, 2011, 05:11 PM   #3
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Default Re: My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

Ummmmm......can you clarify whether "sleeping with her" in any of your sentences involves....having sex with her? That would be really creepy, and I hope that's not what you meant.
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Unread November 25th, 2011, 05:51 PM   #4
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Default Re: My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

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Ummmmm......can you clarify whether "sleeping with her" in any of your sentences involves....having sex with her? That would be really creepy, and I hope that's not what you meant.
I think OP means as in sleeping in the same bed as Op mentions that sometimes when she goes to his house there are "no sheets on his bed" which implies he's been sleeping in his mother's. Although a grown man sleeping in his mother's bed is creepy enough... If he is having sex with her that would double the creep factor for sure.
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Unread November 25th, 2011, 06:16 PM   #5
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Default Re: My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

Creepy? If he is having sex with his mother he is committing a crime.

I understand you have a lot invested after 3 years but I cannot imagine even second guessing leaving if my s/o was sleeping with her father at 28. This is not one of those "projects" or someone you should try to fix. This is a person with deep psychological scars that would take YEARS of intense psychotherapy to put a dent in. Run. Fast.
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Unread November 25th, 2011, 08:04 PM   #6
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Default Re: My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

Holy crap is his mother Susan Grund?

Really, even if it is just sleeping in the same bed it's creepy as hell. A 28 year old man? Unbelievable.
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Unread November 25th, 2011, 08:23 PM   #7
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Default Re: My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

...wow.

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Originally Posted by prettyinpinkkk View Post
My boyfriend was also raped as a child by a family member.
If he has not gotten counseling for this, it could lead to a number of dysfunctions in your life. I was in a relationship with a man who had the same thing happen to him, never sought help, and because of that he had a very messed up psyche. While you're at it, you might want to tell him that he should seek help for that whole sleeping-in-the-same-bed-as-your-mom thing. At seven years old when you have a nightmare? Sure, sport, one night shouldn't hurt. Good Lord, he's 28!

Yeah, dump this chump and find yourself a man who isn't scared to sleep in his own bed.
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Unread November 26th, 2011, 04:24 PM   #8
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Default Re: My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

Yeah... I'm on the "you should probably run" page. I'm actually a little surprised you stayed with him do long after finding out... And yes, I think he is still doing it and lying. BUT, if you really, really want to try to make this work he NEEDS to seek professional help to deal with his issues (hell, even if you leave him he needs to) - and those issues include both the abuse AND his creepy relationship with his mother/the fact he still sleeps in her bed. It's not normal, and is a giant red flag IMO.
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Unread November 28th, 2011, 07:49 PM   #9
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Default Re: My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

I would personally leave, seems as though there'd be many, many issues down the line linked to your boyfriends relationship with his mother, and his relationship with you.

If he is lying, then there's another reason to leave.

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Unread November 29th, 2011, 04:29 PM   #10
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Default Re: My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

I understand that abuse and disfunctional family would have him being close with his mom but his mom should realize that her son is a grown man and needs to act like an independant 28yr old. This sounds alot like my cousins situation. Now i dont know if he sleeps in the same bed with his mom or dad but i know that his mom treats him like he is 10years old and poor guy is 31 years old, still lives at home and has a good job. Bought a new mustang and can only drive it when she says so, they dont allow him to go out with friends and the mom has to approve who he dates. I love my aunt but she is ruining her sons life. His dad is really cool and layed back but my aunt controls him too. My cousins best memories and times where when he lived in my same city and his parents 500 miles away. We partied, met women, etc. Now that he moved back with them he is back to being controlled. so sad.

This mom is doing the same. Whether the son is close to her or not she should be telling him to grow up and i gurantee she probably begs him to stay with he. God forbid they arent doing anything more than sharing a bed. eeek but i no matter i think this is all wrong. no what you need to keep in mind is the fact that he will always choose his mom over you over any and all extremes. Now i understand most people should and would but even if she was in the wrong completely he will still side with her. It could become difficult. If you two were thinking marriage you better expect for his mom to control all his decisions on the wedding. Go with your gut. If you can handle taking all these chances than stick it out but if you really dont like these situations its just best for you to leave and maybe that will wake him up enough that he needs to be more independant.
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Unread October 2nd, 2012, 01:32 PM   #11
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Default Re: My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

I am in a similar situation.. My husband (of ten years) has been sleeping in his mother's bedroom since last 6 days. One or two days - would have been Okay. The reason he states - is that the fan's put in slow speed(for my kid who has cough) and he wouldne be able to sleep well.
Married for 10 years. with an non-existent sexlife between us, is this an escape route that he is taking up? Why is his mother not advising him to be with his spouse? (His mother became a widow when he was 8)
They even close the door - which irks me more..

What should I do?

I havent spoken to my husband as yet. I want to know how far things will go.. But at times, worry gets the heck out of me and i feel i'm approaching a dark end.

Please help me..What would you do if you were me...
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Unread October 2nd, 2012, 02:01 PM   #12
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Default Re: My boyfriend still sleeps with mom... Should I stay or go?

Edit just noticed they have dug up an old thread. Please make a new thread.Wait, I assume this is totally different situation worthy of it own thread but, do y'all live with his mom? Do the kids sleep in Y'alls room and that is why it's hot in the one room because the fan is off? Is there not a couch in the living room? There is a lot of info left out. You might start another thread and ask your question.
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Originally Posted by thinkpad80 View Post
I am in a similar situation.. My husband (of ten years) has been sleeping in his mother's bedroom since last 6 days. One or two days - would have been Okay. The reason he states - is that the fan's put in slow speed(for my kid who has cough) and he wouldne be able to sleep well.
Married for 10 years. with an non-existent sexlife between us, is this an escape route that he is taking up? Why is his mother not advising him to be with his spouse? (His mother became a widow when he was 8)
They even close the door - which irks me more..

What should I do?

I havent spoken to my husband as yet. I want to know how far things will go.. But at times, worry gets the heck out of me and i feel i'm approaching a dark end.

Please help me..What would you do if you were me...

Last edited by Countryboy; October 2nd, 2012 at 02:32 PM..
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