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Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

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Unread August 12th, 2011, 09:28 PM   #1
annonnate
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Sad my ex is playing head games, im really hurt

So i just moved out here and met a girl, i fell in love with her we dated for about a year.
we were off and on a few times because of a few differences. but eventually she broke up with me. i found on on numerous occasions that she snuck out with her ex for bite to eat.
she never wanted to tell him about me either.
and then on her birthday she had her current boyfriend send her flowers at work... while we were still kinda together...
then she just told me that she never had any intention of ever getting serious or being long term with me and that she was seeing him for a while, when we were still together even..
what do i do!! my heart is stuck and i cant get over her. its killing me slowly! i saw then kissing the other day and i almost broke out in tears infront of everyone.. when the night before that i was with her and she kissed me too...
she tells me she missed me and that she misses cuddling together and falling asleep. she knows every soft spot and how to get to me... i just dont know what to do anymore.
im seriously hurt and i cant seem to make myself happy... pls help me someone
she is the girl of my dreams. i did everything for her every single thing i could possibly have done i did for her. i bought her a brand new blackberry for her bday and she was mad at me for not giving it to her still because she broke up with me and i fond out her new bf sent her flowers to her work.
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Unread August 13th, 2011, 11:58 AM   #2
foh4k
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Default Re: my ex is playing head games, im really hurt

Quote:
Originally Posted by annonnate View Post
So i just moved out here and met a girl, i fell in love with her we dated for about a year.
we were off and on a few times because of a few differences. but eventually she broke up with me. i found on on numerous occasions that she snuck out with her ex for bite to eat.
On and off a few times? What does that tell you? To me that would be a red flag that a relationship is on and off that many times in a year. But to you it appears thats a green flag. Telling you (or you rationalizing) in your head that its a green flag meaning she may still have feelings for you? She does perhaps when she doesn't have anyone else or she knows your an emotional tampon for her attention. Because you have showed it.


Quote:
she never wanted to tell him about me either.
and then on her birthday she had her current boyfriend send her flowers at work... while we were still kinda together...
Kind of together? Obviously she doesn't think the same way.

Quote:
then she just told me that she never had any intention of ever getting serious or being long term with me and that she was seeing him for a while, when we were still together even..
BINGO, Ding Ding Ding. What about this statement don't you comprehend? DO you need us to dissect it word by word and put it together in a different sentence that will set off your comprehension bell? AND she was seeing him while you were still together. (You still together) is more in your mind than hers my friend. Going out on a limb here I think yoru "still together" is bordering on delusional thinking.

Quote:
what do i do!! my heart is stuck and i cant get over her. its killing me slowly! i saw then kissing the other day and i almost broke out in tears infront of everyone.. when the night before that i was with her and she kissed me too...
she tells me she missed me and that she misses cuddling together and falling asleep. she knows every soft spot and how to get to me... i just dont know what to do anymore.
im seriously hurt and i cant seem to make myself happy... pls help me someone
She doesn't want to hurt you because I can read (I'm sure she sees) that your an emotional wreck and I'm sure she's intuitive enough to know that she wants to let you down easy, or keep you around to play with when she's not involved because you accept that kind of behavior from her and soak it up like a tampon.

You won't make yourself happy as long as you keep playing the victim. Read the Five Stages of Grief and work through the process of letting her go. She has flat out told you that she doesn't see you and her in a relationship. Yet you keep hanging onto the what if's, the maybe's, the speculation thinking, all the twisted rationalization you do to keep you engulfed in her.

Quote:
she is the girl of my dreams. i did everything for her every single thing i could possibly have done i did for her. i bought her a brand new blackberry for her bday and she was mad at me for not giving it to her still because she broke up with me and i fond out her new bf sent her flowers to her work.
Victim, Victim Victim. Even after she told you all this and treated you in the manner you despise you buy her a blackberry. Victim Victim Victim. Just the way she has treated you and you going out to buy her an expensive present tells me that you WANT to be a victim. She knows your a puppet for her affection.

Anytime I hear someone start spewing "all that I have done for her/him" I know that we have a victim on our hands. How long you decide you want to wallow in "woe is me land" is up to you.
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