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Unread July 13th, 2011, 11:44 AM   #1
michael012904
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Default being more aggressive in bed

I am not prude by any means. But not sure how to go about being more aggressive in bed. I am very afraid of rejection I guess. My fance made a comment the other day about him not always being the one to innitiate which says to me he wants me to be more aggressive or innitiate in general but I am still having a hard time getting myself there.

I have to admit to having serious self eteem issues...I was once a VERY large woman and lost a lot of weight before I met him. We had a baby nearly a year ago so on top of everything else I have post baby body issues.

Anyone got any suggestions or ideas to get me started? I love sex and would never turn him down no matter what my mood is (unless mother nture is visiting...the b**ch that she is LOL). But not sure how to go about this.
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Unread July 13th, 2011, 01:33 PM   #2
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Default Re: being more aggressive in bed

First off, Great job on the weight loss. I think you both should do something romantic before getting right into bed. That sometimes lightens your self esteem. Go out to eat together and cuddle in the living room while watching a movie...I read this somewhere, laying in bed....both of you naked and just talking and cuddling will make it more heated.
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Unread July 13th, 2011, 01:47 PM   #3
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Default Re: being more aggressive in bed

Ok I was in the same situation, I am (still lot of time) the one to initiate the sex.
I think the majority of man have the same problem with there wife, probably the most common one. Think about it if you put your self in his shoes. If you are the one how always initiate, would you feel wanted or desired?

Man don't talk as mush about there feeling as women but we do need need to feel loved and wanted. Put aside your insecurity, he loves you, and he does find you attractive he is showing it to you. You would rock his world and he will worship you, if you initiate at least once a week. He would feel like a king if you jump him. And believe me you would be happy too. Remember action speak louder than words. The more you take the initiative
The more he will return the favor. But don't do it to expect something in return, it will come back to you naturally, over time you would fine it natural and a way of life.

Try it satisfaction guaranty
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Unread July 13th, 2011, 06:37 PM   #4
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Default Re: being more aggressive in bed

I hear you, I had the same problem. Its a slow process, you don't need to jump him right away. My bf said the same thing to me and I started with small steps, like being the first to kiss. Making the kiss longer and more passionate. Wearing sexier underwear (for a lot of guys, thongs mean "I'm interested in having sex"). Walking to the bedroom while looking at him after we've had a passionate kiss. Try these kind of little things for starters. Over time I gained confidence with his positive responses. He loved my doing that and today its at the point where I'll give him dirty looks, touch/tease what I know to be sensitive spots and even stick my hand right down his pants to make my point clear. Its mostly about trust in your partner. It'll be fun when you get there

I won't lie to you, there were a couple of occasions where I was terribly hurt because I initiated and he wasn't interested. If I recall correctly, once he wasn't feeling very well (stress related) and once he was really exhausted. It is still worth it and you should still work on it. After all, it isn't fun for a man to be rejected either. And nothing worthwhile comes easy.

In my experience, it really is important for the relationship if he brings it up. As Kasa pointed out, men need to feel desired, wanted, needed and loved as well. Its not just us women. Over time, if he is always the one to initiate he will think you don't really want him and it will come between you, growing you apart.
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Unread July 13th, 2011, 07:43 PM   #5
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Default Re: being more aggressive in bed

Thank you yellowrose, You experience the other side when he was to tired or stress, feeling rejected hurt, man get that all the time, I tell my wife as a joke when she say she has a headeack: the best medicine is sex, because it take the stress away. But it is actualy true. Remember how it feel after sex? Warm relax and cuddly easy to fall a sleep
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Unread July 13th, 2011, 07:55 PM   #6
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Default Re: being more aggressive in bed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kasa View Post
Thank you yellowrose, You experience the other side when he was to tired or stress, feeling rejected hurt, man get that all the time, I tell my wife as a joke when she say she has a headeack: the best medicine is sex, because it take the stress away. But it is actualy true. Remember how it feel after sex? Warm relax and cuddly easy to fall a sleep
That made me smile. Yup, after-sex is the greatest feeling in the world. Haha, my mom even pointed me in that direction as an aid for my migraines. She went "you know, perhaps he can help you with that orgasms are a great stress reliever..." I was so embarrassed! But you're right its true it does help. Not during a migraine though, if its a light headache or before-migraine it helps. Did you convince your wife?
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Unread July 14th, 2011, 06:03 AM   #7
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Default Re: being more aggressive in bed

Get yourself one of your stockings and tie him up and then work at your own pace. He'll love it. The stockings work the best as they're not tight or restrictive like handcuffs.

And it's not solely agression that we like (although sometimes it works wonders) but confidence. A confident woman in bed is sexy as.
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Unread July 14th, 2011, 02:34 PM   #8
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Default Re: being more aggressive in bed

Quote:
Originally Posted by yellow.rose View Post
That made me smile. Yup, after-sex is the greatest feeling in the world. Haha, my mom even pointed me in that direction as an aid for my migraines. She went "you know, perhaps he can help you with that orgasms are a great stress reliever..." I was so embarrassed! But you're right its true it does help. Not during a migraine though, if its a light headache or before-migraine it helps. Did you convince your wife?
Well I am not sure if she is convince. But it put a smile on her face every time
I fallow up by by soft hugging, touching and soon after that you can imagine what happen she wake up the next day with a smile, she is usually not a morning person, you know don't bother me the first hour when I wake up. I even got lucky in the morning after sometime, I guess I am good doctor
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