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The Long Haul Are you past the flirting and dating stage? Wondering if there's life after 6 months with the same person? If you're in a serious long term relationship, this is your one-stop shop for questions and answers.

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Unread April 19th, 2011, 11:53 PM   #1
rribber
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Default Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

My girlfriend of 1.5 years accused me of cheating. I have never cheated before and never will. I also think she should know me best as not being the person who would cheat. I spend almost all of my time with her and when I am not with her I am working, going to the gym and studying for my CPA license. I stay fit and have a nice body for her, I saved all my money for her wedding ring, and our future home, and I am working for a better future for us. I am just a boring ass guy who is trying to making something of himself. The only people in my life are her, my sister, and my parents. That's it! I am going all out trying to make life better for her and she has the GALL to accuse me of cheating!

This is the first time I have been accused ever in my life and I am having a hard time justifying my feelings. Like I am angry, offended, insulted and hurt. I even feel betrayed and SHE'S the one who is suspecting me of cheating! And I feel guilty somehow. I haven't even talked to any other girls since I've been with her. I'm just a quiet guy who goes to work and goes home. And now she's probably at her place crying and feeling betrayed and I want to fix things but I DIDN'T CHEAT. The reason why she is accusing me is because I sent her a flirty text message letting her know that I missed her and that I was thinking of her while at work and since that is so "out of character" for me that I somehow meant to text it to someone else and sent it to her by accident! LOL. This is out of the blue and random. I am incredulous right now. Thinking about it makes me livid. How could she think that of me when I am putting it all on the line for her. And why the hell do I feel guilty????? I didn't do anything. I feel like she ruined everything, like she wrecked the relationship. She totally destroyed the trust and honesty that we have. I'll forever be second guessing myself and she will always be suspecting me and once again - I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. I want to just get passed this but at the same time I am SO ANGRY. And nothing will convince her. Everything I do just "shows that I am guilty" to her. What an IDIOT. ARGH. And she's not a crazy psycho bitch. This is completely out of the blue for me. She lost her mind or something. Life was so good and it''s all effed up now.
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Unread April 20th, 2011, 12:05 AM   #2
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

Is the relationship over now then?

I feel for you. I was accused of cheating by my ex, when I did no such thing. It got to the point where I would always make sure there was some way to prove where I have been or who I was with. I couldnt handle it in the end. If you are still together, this needs to be nipped in the bud asap. I haven't really got any advice on how to do that, pointless post I know, sorry. I just know where you are coming from with this.
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Unread April 20th, 2011, 12:19 AM   #3
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

Quote:
The reason why she is accusing me is because I sent her a flirty text message letting her know that I missed her and that I was thinking of her while at work and since that is so "out of character" for me that I somehow meant to text it to someone else and sent it to her by accident!
Wow dude, just wow. She certainly sounds a little like a "crazy psycho bitch" to me. Thats really unfortunate, as you were trying to do something nice for her. I'm not going to say anything drastic like break up with her because its a one off thing but I will say that you need to log this as a warning for the future. You can't allow that kind of crap, and if her insecurities keep going along this track, you need to cut your losses and get out. You'll never be happy otherwise.

Anyway, what to do for now. I say, nothing. You've pleaded your case...doing it anymore will show two things 1) that you are weak and a willing to reward her behaviour and play into her silly games and 2) that you have got something to apologise for. Let her ride it out I say, contact her only if she contacts you and let her come to her own realisation that she is being unreasonable.
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Unread April 20th, 2011, 12:19 AM   #4
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

At the moment it's just in limbo and we are not talking. If she tried to talk to me right now I would probably start yelling at her. I need to mellow out because something just kind of switched off in my head. Being falsely accused is setting me off and the way I view my girlfriend right now... I just see her as a petty person right now. I just can't see her as that amazing person anymore. Like I lost respect or something. I don't know I am just confused.
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Unread April 20th, 2011, 12:35 AM   #5
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by rribber View Post
My girlfriend of 1.5 years accused me of cheating. I have never cheated before and never will. I also think she should know me best as not being the person who would cheat.
Maybe, but perhaps you don't know her best. This is completely out of the blue after 1.5 years of harmoniously honeymooned bliss? I doubt that. No indication of any other "sore" spots in the relationship?

Quote:
I spend almost all of my time with her and when I am not with her I am working, going to the gym and studying for my CPA license. I stay fit and have a nice body for her, I saved all my money for her wedding ring, and our future home, and I am working for a better future for us. I am just a boring ass guy who is trying to making something of himself. The only people in my life are her, my sister, and my parents. That's it! I am going all out trying to make life better for her and she has the GALL to accuse me of cheating!
Do you do anything for yourself or does this take up so much of your time that you don't have any hobbies, or interests of your own? Boring ass guy maybe sounding to me a bit of a victim and doormat from your one sided description. Somehow I think theres another layer underneath this sudden and abrupt obstacle.

Quote:
This is the first time I have been accused ever in my life and I am having a hard time justifying my feelings. Like I am angry, offended, insulted and hurt. I even feel betrayed and SHE'S the one who is suspecting me of cheating!
Why the emphasis on SHE? Your feelings are valid if this is factual and this is the only flare up. Betrayed why? Because she had a hissy fit? If your innocent and can stand up for yourself you'd tell her to freak if you want but that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty. That's what she is hoping for anyway.

Quote:
And I feel guilty somehow.
Mission accomplished.

Quote:
I haven't even talked to any other girls since I've been with her. I'm just a quiet guy who goes to work and goes home. And now she's probably at her place crying and feeling betrayed and I want to fix things but I DIDN'T CHEAT. The reason why she is accusing me is because I sent her a flirty text message letting her know that I missed her and that I was thinking of her while at work and since that is so "out of character" for me that I somehow meant to text it to someone else and sent it to her by accident! LOL.
Because she needs a reaction. And your reacting. Your probably cow towing to her with apologies and kissing her ass.

Quote:
This is out of the blue and random. I am incredulous right now. Thinking about it makes me livid. How could she think that of me when I am putting it all on the line for her.
How often has she heard that little speech? You sure sacrifice a lot for her. Are you her own personal Jesus Christ?

Quote:
And why the hell do I feel guilty????? I didn't do anything.
Because she's training you too and your an apt student.

Quote:
I feel like she ruined everything, like she wrecked the relationship. She totally destroyed the trust and honesty that we have. I'll forever be second guessing myself and she will always be suspecting me and once again - I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. I want to just get passed this but at the same time I am SO ANGRY. And nothing will convince her.
Then do nothing. Your probably crawling back to her begging her to be convinced your innocent. if you didn't do anything, had any integrity you would let her be and when she's done with her crying jag you can calmly discuss it with her and maybe ask her why she would be triggered by a intended text message into a fit of jealous rage. But intil that time have the balls to stand up and let the whimpering little shit princess whine. I'm feeling there is something deeper than this going on you haven't told us. This is an awfully exaggerated response to an isolated incident with the innocence you describe.

Quote:
Everything I do just "shows that I am guilty" to her. What an IDIOT. ARGH. And she's not a crazy psycho bitch. This is completely out of the blue for me. She lost her mind or something. Life was so good and it''s all effed up now.
Then do nothing. Why are you an idiot? You just take on all the blame and shame don't you? Maybe your woman doesn't want a man that doesn't have the backbone to tell her she's unreasonable and from what you have described has no basis in fact for her reaction. Feeling based perhaps but emotional instability shows itself in that way sometimes.

Quit pandering to her and leave her alone for a while. She'll either come to her senses, or she'll forever hold you guilty as charged in her feeling based reality.

Now if she is living in a feeling based reality, and you are smart enough to recognize it now before your completely engulfed in her you can take steps to assure that you survive.

Good luck
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Unread April 20th, 2011, 12:51 AM   #6
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

Quote:
The reason why she is accusing me is because I sent her a flirty text message letting her know that I missed her and that I was thinking of her while at work and since that is so "out of character" for me that I somehow meant to text it to someone else and sent it to her by accident!
How did she respond when you calmly told her that you were just missing her and it was just your way of letting her know?
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Unread April 20th, 2011, 01:04 AM   #7
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

Maybe she's actually feeling guilty about something she's done herself and is shifting it on to you?
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Unread April 20th, 2011, 02:00 AM   #8
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

Crossed my mind too.
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Unread April 20th, 2011, 02:04 AM   #9
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

Projection at it's finest?

Perhaps we have a little disorder brewing here?
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Unread April 20th, 2011, 02:13 AM   #10
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

If a flirty txt is so out of character that she accuses you of cheating over it, you must be a REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY boring guy. So boring, in fact, that I bet part of her doesn't even really care about whether or not you cheated for real, and just wants out. Maybe I'm being a bit too harsh here... hell, it's probably because of the whole "I'm saving all my money to get her a wedding ring, and there's nobody in my life except her and my parents, and my entire existence revolves around being boring and working my ass off to create a higher, more glamorous pedestal to put her on" bit... you know, on second thought, maybe I'm being exactly harsh enough.

What have you done lately that you enjoy for yourself? What is your real purpose in life? And if you answer "to make her happy" or something like that, we're gonna need a lil' talkin' to! You think you're living this way out of love, but the truth is, it's pure approval-seeking and neediness.

You might resent this reply, and if you do, then I wrote it right. I know once you come to your senses, you'll think, "you know, that kuky guy was on to something!" Question is, how long will it take for you to come to your senses?
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Unread April 20th, 2011, 05:36 PM   #11
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

I am obviously not needed here, looks like everything is under control lol...
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Unread April 20th, 2011, 06:05 PM   #12
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

Ooh a very similar thing happened to me - I sent a saucy message (which wasn't out of character as such, but it had been a while because we'd been spending most of our time with whatever bullshit blowing up) and she immediately leapt onto the idea I must have intended to send it to someone else. Even though we'd arranged to meet and I'd referenced the meeting in the same message! She told me maybe I intended to stand her up lol. Anyway, the similarities end there I guess, because that girl was always batshit crazy.

But it does seem to me that something like this would usually happen when the girl feels the need to leap on the first 'excuse' she gets to fuck the relationship up. That could be for a few reasons:

1.) She has self-destructive tendencies and self-esteem issues.
2.) She doesn't really want to be in the relationship, at least on some level, but wants 'good' reasons to finish it.
3.) You're just too 'nice' and she needs to throw some shit in there to see what kind of a man you are.
4.) She feels bad about something she's done and wants to put some of that in your direction to take the heat off of her.

If this is a one-off moment of craziness from her, I think you two can probably get over it. But don't get too mad about it... just treat her like the silly little girl she's being, and don't even entertain her until she can prove she's an adult.
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Unread April 22nd, 2011, 04:39 AM   #13
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by rribber View Post
I stay fit and have a nice body for her, I saved all my money for her wedding ring, and our future home, and I am working for a better future for us. I am just a boring ass guy who is trying to making something of himself. The only people in my life are her, my sister, and my parents.
I understand your need to vent, but you're a trainwreck waiting for a place to happen. You've sacrificed your entire life for a needy, high-maintainence, conceited snatch of a woman. The only people in your life are her, your sister, and your parents? Have your "boys" called you and told you to let your balls drop? Well, they should. It's my guess that they got sick of listening to you bitch about how shitty she is to you, killed all their buzzes, and stopped having beers with you. In only 1.5 years, she's snatched your balls AND your wallet. Have fun for the next 25 years. You're going to bury yourself in debt for THAT?

Quote:
This is the first time I have been accused ever in my life and I am having a hard time justifying my feelings. Like I am angry, offended, insulted and hurt. I even feel betrayed and SHE'S the one who is suspecting me of cheating! .
She's probably the one getting pounded by some other dude. Classic reverse psychology. You're so busy with your CPA school, working out, and your sister (??) that she's probably off lurking the bars and other fine establishments. Maybe she's already got that part out of the way and stops over at her new "friend's" house to "hang out".

Lastly, you have nobody but yourself to blame for this situation. You let her do every bit of this to you. And now she's got you wrapped around her pinkie and she's playing you like a yo-yo. Game on, until you say stop!

Last edited by Duke; April 22nd, 2011 at 04:47 AM..
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Unread April 28th, 2011, 10:51 AM   #14
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

I'm with Duke on this one. Sprout some balls, and stop casting your pearls before the swine that she is. She is a nasty pustulant cooont, and so stop settling for crumbs!
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Unread March 11th, 2013, 06:17 AM   #15
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Sad Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

I moved in with my girlfriend two months ago. She has always been a bit jelous, we actually seperated for a while for that reason but I thought moving in together would help her see that Im not interested in cheating on anybody.
Since moving in the problem has got a lot worse. She falsely accuses me everyday of various things but mainly cheating. She is insulting and violent and humiliates me by locking me in the toilet or making me sit or stand in a certain way and only look only at her while she speaks. She constantly critisises me, Im doing all the cooking and washing up, I clean the kitchen and garden and do the laundry often as well but she is very particular about how to do things. If I dont do it the way she wants and she finds out, she becomes very angry and often hits me. Sometimes she follows me around for hours doing nothing but critisising everything I do. Watching all the time for any mistake and of course this makes me very nervous.
At first I tried to convince her all the time that I wouldnt ever cheat but it got worse, sometimes now I shout back at her in frustration or become very sarcastic and she accuses me of abusing her. I never want to shout or be sarcastic to my partner but its become a defense mechanism. i never usually shout at all, I have many years experience of working with autitic adults and children with behavioural problems and in 15 years of working in some very difficult conditions I never shouted. I am well known for being a calm and gentle person. She is saying now that I need to see a psychologist to help me deal with my tolerance to frustration.
One day I was at work and left my facebook account open. A girl wrote on my status without me knowing that Im lucky to work with such beautiful women. Since then the accusations got worse and worse. She made me delete any photos I had with any of my ex-girlfriends on Facebook. One day she asked me to cook dinner and while I was cooking dinner, she read my mobile phone messages. She found an old file with an old message from an old friend that had moved to China long before I met my girlfriend. It said; I love you. it was sent the day my old friend moved to China and its the last message I have from my friend. Thats why I saved it. You can imagine the reaction.
Over the weekend she attacked me several times and spent 2 whole days critisising me and insulting me because I forgot to clean the sink and dust the desk top. She poked me in the eye. She was accusing me of womanising online, when in fact im writing an analysis and business plan. Im working so hard all the time to build something for my future familly but she always laughs at my plans and sings a stupid song about my ideals. (I want to build a sustainable comunity and teach permaculture, im also currently studying to be an English teacher as well but she says I wont be any good and my teaching course will come to nothing)... Yesterday, I put my fingers in my ears out of frustration and she attacked me. I pushed her away and she fell against the wall and now she is accusing me of being an abusive partner. She accused me of trying to kill her!
I dont know what to do, since we met she has had some serious health problems which I have done everyting i can to help with. I think maybe the shock of her health problem has effected her mental health but I cannot tell her. She always compares me to her ex-boyfriend who was horrible to her and to her father who is her hero in life and i feel as though she expects me to look after her the way her father does.
I want to speak calmly to her but she will not listen to anything I say or she just gets angry and makes me sit and look at her in silence while she speaks. We have different native tongues but i speak her language fairly well and she is learning mine, sometimes I help her for hours and hours but she always says I never help her. If I say something in my own language and she doesnt understand, she assumes the worse and gets angry, although i speak her language well, it is hard to express myself in another language the way I want to. With a little bit of patience It should not be a problem, I feel like she always wants to assume that im bad. I really dont know what to do.
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Unread March 11th, 2013, 07:05 AM   #16
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Default Re: Girlfriend falsely accused me of cheating

how about you start your own thread rather than super-mega-necromancing some RANDOM post.
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