My boyfriend get bored of sex with me

KULKA · February 16th, 2011, 03:43 PM

I feel terrible i ve just discovered that my boyfriend (7 years relantionship) pleasure himself watching the porno movies and refuses having sex with me. When I asked him why?He said that he loves me and he was afraid to tell me that he got bored of me and he was doing it not to cheat on me. I don't know what to do I feel like a old toy.

Kuky · February 16th, 2011, 03:55 PM

He's a coward for not dealing with the root of the problem and figuring out how to spice things up between you two. How adventurous would you say YOU are? If he can grow some balls and tell you exactly how he likes it, and if you can do all that stuff, then this might just be a "fear of being judged" issue.

phasesofthemoon · February 16th, 2011, 04:13 PM

What to you mean he "refuses having sex with me?" Will you explain how he refused you please?

Instead of feeling like an old toy, perhaps we can show you ways to re-introduce the lost emotional connection and help you both to rekindle some of the passion that's dwindled down to a state of sexual indifference to one another. Has he never voiced this so called boredom with you before now?

I await further info from you.

OvershareDude · February 16th, 2011, 04:50 PM

Is there more than just sex?

I use porn and masturbate because of a few reasons, mainly because I don't get enough for my sex drive.
Theres nothing wrong with porn if theres still sex involved at other times.

I know this sounds harsh and insensitive, but have you gained a large amount of weight or changed in physical appearance?
Do you participate in sex or are you just a starfish (just lie there and let him do it with no participation)

alekulka · February 16th, 2011, 04:57 PM

I did not put any weight. I look the same. I am the one who is trying to introduce new staff. He is the dead fish. He is so bored. He has excuses that he is tired that his stoach hearts and so on...

phasesofthemoon · February 16th, 2011, 05:03 PM

How do you let him know that you're wanting him? Do you use words to "ask" for sex thereby giving him the opening to give you excuses or, do you initiate through flirting, sexual innuendo, touching, eye contact, kissing, sensual, playful banter without out actually 'asking' flat out?

alekulka · February 16th, 2011, 05:03 PM

I like to watch porn movies he doesn't want to watch them with me. I wouldn't mind if he would pleasure himself once in a while but i think that it is more often than having sex with me. He refused me so many times that I'm not asking anymore.

alekulka · February 16th, 2011, 05:06 PM

I ve tried everything and you know if nothing works I think that he should think what to do as well, I don't feel guilty he is the one who doesn't trie.

alekulka · February 16th, 2011, 05:09 PM

I think work lies on both sides I need to feel that I'm attractive and sexy. He doesn't even look at me like that anymore with the sparkle in his eye. I think I should ......leave this relationship

(((

phasesofthemoon · February 16th, 2011, 05:11 PM

I'm just trying (it's like pulling teeth from you) to get you to give details so that you'll get some decent insight based on the facts. You tell little in your opening post and just as little in your response to the questions asked. For exampe: "I've tried everything" give examples.. what to you do you consider "everything."

It's obvious that there is an emotional dis-connect and when that sort of thing happens then sex gets put on the "Not important any more" list. Porn and his masturbating is not the problem that it causing him not to want sex with you, it is the result of it.

I'm not suggesting its all your fault so don't get defensive about that.. it takes two to make a relationship remain sexually healthy and happy and it also takes two for it to go tits up (pun intended).

alekulka · February 16th, 2011, 05:24 PM

It was all different ways I tried turn him on. When I kissed him where I know he likes he was so relaxed he was falling a sleep, when I touched him he was like waiting when I stop bc he is tired not interested, when I was dressing up for him trying to cotch his attention he did not even looked at me. When offered new places, new positions, anything new didn't work ,alvays ended up in the bed under cover or stop in the middle. I m done I was always ready for him doing anything he asked me to do trying.... Talking to him as well. He does nth for me to turn me on cause I so sex hungry in this relationship

phasesofthemoon · February 16th, 2011, 05:41 PM

Okay, have you tried any of that ^^^ during your evening together BEFORE you go to bed, while you're sitting on the couch together just talking about your day or whatever, while you're cooking dinner? A couple can't be disconnected outside the bedroom and then expect to be connected inside. There's a whole lot of indifference going on here and I'm thinking that's what you need to get to the botom of so that it's remedied and you find yourself connected to one another as a couple rather than platonic room mates who share expenses.

He sounds lazy and unwilling to take any steps to remedy, particularily because he's too stupid (or lazy) to even talk to you about ways to bring back the attraction and passion you both felt for one another.

Why don't you google something like "Getting back lost passion in a relationship" and see if any of the results that come up can help you and your husband rekindle what is lost in your union?