Hi, new member, some personal ?'s bout sex

[jman39]

Hi! I am new here. Thought Id join this site since I have some rather personal questions.

I haven't "searched" the forums thoroughly yet, so apologize in advance if its already been discussed.

Im coming to you guys for some advice about sex.
First some bio-
im 24, healthy, "very fit," have a gf of 8months in a good relationship.
-Our sex life could be better
So first- I think I might have erectile dysfunction (so embarassing) . Or at least psychologically have some issue. Basically, Im horny a lot of times when Im with my gf, Ill even have an erection- but as soon as I put a condom on, it either dies down, or within the first minutes of penetration ill go limp! Im thinking its mainly psychological. For example- I wake up with hard ons- and will get hard many times a day, but once we are ready to "have sex" Im no longer hard... mentally im there and want to go at it, but mr little down there doesnt seem to cooperate :/. Im only 5.5 in with an erection- and while i know its around average, I still feel "small."
dont get me wrong- my gf is very beautiful and fit, no complaints there, but i feel like im always letting her down! so damn annoying. what should i do? should I resort to some pills? there were times when we would have sex and it did work out fine, about 25% of the time, but the other 75% of the time im let down.

my ex gf and i didnt really have this problem... idk whats wrong with me...

thanks for reading- i appreciate any advice

[Kuky]

If it wasn't a problem with the ex, then I'm thinking it's likely to be performance anxiety. Are you in different physical condition, or under a lot of stress as of late? That can also affect things.

Maybe you should do other stuff at first (eat her out, etc.) so at least the pressure of getting her off is gone, and then maybe it'll come easier. Hehehe come easier. Good one Kuky *self hi-5*

[kuju]

*shakes head at kuky*

Once the condom is on, have her give you a bit of a handjob. pressure nad stroking should get you hard again, and you can finger her a bit to keep her wet.

[jman39]

haha thanks man! yea ive done that, usually i finger her to just to get her off, and she doesnt seem to mind. its really bad cus the first time i thought, o hey i dont liek this condom, its not making it feel good. then ive been doubting myself, and thinking, do i really have ED? there are time when she would give me oral sex and i would go limp, all cus my mind is thinking- "please dont go limp" and it does . Im more fit now than i was with my ex... maybe i should try eating more potassium, thats what ive been told...

[Rammstein39]

My ex was the EXACT same way. Sex was like a pit stop at a nascar race for us... "Ok im hard! Hurry up and get on it while it lasts! Go go go! ok now get off im done!"

Seriously though, i think you need to just relax. i know thats easier said than done but you need to just realize that she wouldnt be sleeping with you if she didnt like it, so go for it. Maybe also tell her she can do what she wants to you. That way she will prolly tease you and build you up so much you will wanna explode. Try to focus more on how beautiful she is and less on what you think is wrong with you.

[jman39]

thanks for the replies- honestly i think its just mind games- cus i can clearly keep a hard on in the morning, so i know its not "physical." i just cant help but "think" about it... do i need therapy? should i take a shot of vodka to just clear my head (not drunk, just a shot or two). good news is in a couple months she plans on going on the pill, so the whole "hurry up with the condom thing" wont be an issue. i really hope thats what it is.

[Rammstein39]

Well, thats not really an answer either because you both need to be tested if you are gonna mess around without protection.

[OvershareDude]

what about masturbation? can you get yourself off fine?

I have PE and I can't seem to beat it (pun intended) and i'm sure its just a mind thing.
Don't think about it or it will happen.

[vls6141]

First and foremost, make sure the condom does not have any sort of "longer lasting" additive as those create a slight numbing sensation and cause many men to lose their erection due to loss of sensation.

Also, some men have issues when it comes to actual penetration...not just physically, but emotionally. Perhaps the reason you have this issue with the current girlfriend and not the former girlfriend is because you are older and taking relationships more seriously. Maybe you are having thoughts of settling down and at the same time have the desire to remain young and free. Insertion, the act of putting your body into someone else, is a strong emotional metaphor for the brain to process and could be putting undo stress on the situation. Of course, this is all happening subconsciously.

To Freudian for you? Then here's a solution: try role playing. Taking yourselves out of the real world could help keep that pressure off your brain and bring fun back to the bedroom. You don't have to worry about emotional connections when you're a passenger trying to hook up with the stewardess or worry about your future when you're the CEO of a company being pursued by the intern. My personal favorite is the housewife seducing the handy man. Just go at it with an open mind and you'll be drilling for oil like BP before the spill in no time. Two things to remember...1.) size doesn't really matter 2.) always use a safe word!

[littleredcorvette]

I think that a blindfold and some soft music would help you relax... give each other massages with some sensual oils... The massage to relax your mind and build your sexual appetite... the blindfold so you cant see eachother, it really is a super turn.... maybe this will help you relax into the moment