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Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

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Unread June 28th, 2010, 08:28 AM   #1
ElToroGrande
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Default Girlfriend broke up with me.

Heya, hows it going guys this is my first post here but i really need to speak to someone about this as its really hard and im sick of acting all macho in front of everyone. Bare with me this may be a bit long lol.

Basically i have been dating my gf since last October, she is a wonderful girl! beautiful, smart and funny basically everything i have ever looked for and more. We instantly clicked and had the best times together! but when we first started seeing each other she was seeing another guy as well, we were not exclusive so that was ok. She chose me over him and we started going out. Unfortunatley the guy she was seeing is also her best friends cousing so he was alaways about, i got really jealous and the fact that he text her one night saying he still liked her didnt help matters, but still i got over it and got on with it.

Fast forward my gf and her friends book a holiday with 6 guy pals, and yep he's there! this causes major problems! loads of fights and stuff but we always got over them. I thought a break up was best then because it was going to be too hard but she begged me to stay with her and that we could work through anything, she called me every day on holiday and even wrote me a letter for every day she was away with little gifts inside. Plus she dais the guys were only going to be there for 10 days instead of two weeks. This showed me she really cared and wanted to make it work so i tried. On holiday though she completely changed, she became really selfish and her phone calls were cold! we argued a lot again and had a BIG arguement on her last night when i was really drunk.

So when she gets home she comes up, says that she doesnt feel the same anymore, says we arent being decent to each other anymore and that our spark is gone. Says this relationship is making her a person she doesnt want to be, and that she has started lying to me, nothing big just little daft things but thats she knows it will only get worse and she scared she might cheat on me one day. I tell her that i love her more than anything, know i was wrong and things will change, she says she doesnt know what she wants to do, because she doesnt want to know that theres never a chance we can get back together someday if we break up. She says we should take a break for a while to find ourselves. After a few days though i text her and say that a break is no good, if she wants to give this a trye then so be it but im not going to put my life on hold.

She phoned me last night and said that its not going to work, she loves me but doesnt feel in love with me anymore. Doesnt feel like she used to and couldnt say to herself 'i love that boy so much!'. So thats it we are broken up, and it hurts like hell! i feel like my world has come crashing down! i tell her that we shouldnt talk anymore and that i have deleted her facebook, she gets kinda mad and is like but cant we be friends, i want to know what your doing from time to time, dont you want to know what im doing? i tell her no because jealousy will only fester and its best we make a clean break. She reluctantly agrees. I know that this holiday has changed her, she's really buzzing right now about all her holiday friends and i get the feeling that the rush of being just back and always hanging out with them is clouding her judgement. Her friends are all real party girls who hang about with loads of gusy and stuff so i know she will probably meet someone soon, even though said she's not.

Thing is she has to come over during the week to pick up her DVD's, how should i play this? is there any chance we could get back together? iv not contacted her again, but iv left my facebook open and started messaging other girls, bit cheap i know but jealousy is a powerful tool. Any help would be greatly appreciated, i feel like shit and i just want to get her back.
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Unread June 28th, 2010, 08:41 AM   #2
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

I doubt you can get her back. This relationship is too far gone to fix. Just keep everything to the minimum when she arrives. Give her her stuff and be polite but quick. Even if she wants to hang out then I suggest you make plans with a friend ten minutes after she is supposed to arrive so you have an excuse to ditch her.

If she really wants you back she can contact you.
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Unread June 28th, 2010, 09:09 AM   #3
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

Thanks for the reply mate. Yeah its looking like its far gone i just dont want to accept it. i do agree with you though that i should keep it short and polite, if i show her i can be strong and not get messed up about her then maybe she will see me in the same light she used to, im not going to hold my breath though cos i do have a bad feeling.

Thats one other thing, she says im not the nice funny guy that she used to know and that she wanted to try it again but had a really bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. Said her reasons might not make any sense but thats how she feels??? she's really confusing. I just dont think she's even thought about this properly which is the annoying part, she's been out partying every night of the week since we met on thursday, she's still in holiday mode and i feel thats the problem.
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Unread June 28th, 2010, 09:25 AM   #4
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

Spead out the dvds on your front lawn.. When she comes and picks them up, turn on the sprinklers.
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Unread June 28th, 2010, 09:50 AM   #5
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

Haha! if only man! would be a priceless Youtube video! lol.

Whats the best way to handle this situation though? i said you can come by and get them from my mum when im at football and she's like no that'l be more akward just you be in and il get them from you. Confusing??? is she wanting to see me or just generally wanting to avoid the akwardness of getting them from my mum???

Im acting like such a p**y here! i really need a slap or something.
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Unread June 28th, 2010, 11:21 AM   #6
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

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Whats the best way to handle this situation though?
Just pack them up in a box and leave them on your door step. Don't be there when she arrives. Or; take them to her mother's house and leave them there when she's not going to be there.

She broke up with you.. If she could do that then she doesn't deserve your time nor does she deserve to know what "you're doing from time to time." You'll never get over her if you keep in contact with her. If she regrets breaking up with you, she'll get in contact with you and tell you she regrets it. Anything less than that and she is just getting comfort and ego stroked from knowing you still care about her.

Don't give her that satisfaction.
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Unread June 28th, 2010, 11:41 AM   #7
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

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Originally Posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
Just pack them up in a box and leave them on your door step. Don't be there when she arrives. Or; take them to her mother's house and leave them there when she's not going to be there.

She broke up with you.. If she could do that then she doesn't deserve your time nor does she deserve to know what "you're doing from time to time." You'll never get over her if you keep in contact with her. If she regrets breaking up with you, she'll get in contact with you and tell you she regrets it. Anything less than that and she is just getting comfort and ego stroked from knowing you still care about her.

Don't give her that satisfaction.
Thank you very much for the reply. I totally agree with you on that comfort and ego stroke part, she even said the words if we break up can we still text each other from time to time to make things easier! this is actually so insulting when i think of it, she would prolong my pain to make herself feel better! either that or she just doesnt want to completely close the door because she also said she hates the thought that if we broke up theres no chnace we could ever get back together some day down the line!

Ahh im just so confused, i just want to get to the angry stage as soon as possible so stop missing and thinking about her all the time.
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Unread June 28th, 2010, 08:42 PM   #8
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

In all seriousness the box on the doorstep is the way to go. It shows maturity in that you weren't petty with anything post break up and it also allows you the freedom to control how you want to handle things going forward.

She broke up with you. Who cares if it is awkward for her. If you don't want to see her, don't.

I'd still look into the sprinkler option also.
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Last edited by Surfa; June 28th, 2010 at 11:11 PM..
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Unread June 29th, 2010, 09:14 AM   #9
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

Yeah maybe your right mate, im already feeling 'slightly' better today, got two girls phone numbers and been chatting/flirting away, got my confidence back a little. Thing is i know if the opportunity comes to have sex with either one of these girls (or any other girl i hit it off with) i'l feel guilty, somehow like im cheating on my ex...but at the same time i know that i need to man up and do it sooner or later.

Its not a self confidence issue, i dont want to get back my ex because i feel worthless and nobody will love me or anything like that, i do still genuinly love her so much. At the same time i know i need to let go, i still havent contacted her which is a good thing though.

I have a question though, is a post holiday breakup a common thing? do like people ever have periods of confusion when they return from holiday and break up only to realise later down the line it was a bad idea? not trying to get my hopes up or anything but its just an extremely weird set of circumstances.

Thanks again people, your help has been greatly appreciated.
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Unread June 30th, 2010, 12:30 AM   #10
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

Dude, that depends on you. Do you feel self confident? Do you even want her back? If you do, have her come over, give her the DVDs but be very distant. Don't act needy like you want to have her back. Put on a nice outfit and tell her you're in a rush because you're going to the park (or whatever you guys used to do together). That brings up memories of the good old times and she sees you dressed cute.
As I said make it quick, be nice, but make it awkward for her. Mind fuck her and watch her reaction. It's a long shot but I don't see anything else working in your situation. Cheers!
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Unread June 30th, 2010, 08:50 AM   #11
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

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Originally Posted by Dexx77 View Post
Dude, that depends on you. Do you feel self confident? Do you even want her back? If you do, have her come over, give her the DVDs but be very distant. Don't act needy like you want to have her back. Put on a nice outfit and tell her you're in a rush because you're going to the park (or whatever you guys used to do together). That brings up memories of the good old times and she sees you dressed cute.
As I said make it quick, be nice, but make it awkward for her. Mind fuck her and watch her reaction. It's a long shot but I don't see anything else working in your situation. Cheers!
Yeah mate i am a very self confident person, im going to sound big headed here but i know i am quite good looking and girls do generally show an interest so thats not the issue at all. The problem is that despite our ups and down i feel the relationship was worth saving and want her back.

Not had contact with her for three days now tho which is an accomplishment. Any time i got the urge to i just text another girl so thats helped lol. Well theres two outfits i know she loves, one is me in football gear and the other is when im topless (go to the gym alot) was thinking along the lines of 'oh just out the shower' but thats a bit cheap and i think she'd see through that! haha!

Thanks for the reply mate, things do feel a lot easier as the days go by though, i dont know if thats me starting to get over her though or if iv just not accepted it yet???
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Unread June 30th, 2010, 09:38 AM   #12
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

^^^ and yet another man that basis his self-worth on how he can pull women yet he still wants the one that doesn't want him? So, you have options when it comes to women, big effing deal. What else do you have going for you that gives you your self-worth. Are you able to be happy when you're not with a woman?
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she scared she might cheat on me one day.
I wonder why a man would want a woman that fears "she may cheat on you one day?" You sound like you don't trust her anyway, (whether she said that or not.)

If you plan on being there when she picks up her CD's then don't stage any bullshit. It will just make you look pathetic in her eyes and will give her yet another ego stroke knowing that you're desparate to reunite with her.
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Unread June 30th, 2010, 05:18 PM   #13
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

Its not that i cant be happy without a girls in my life i just find it makes this whole thing a lot easier. 4-5 years ago my first girlfriend ever broke up with me after about 10 months as well, i tried to stay to just be on my own and get past it...took me the best part of 6 month to stop thinking about her. Stayed single for 4 years just being casual, so its not that i need woman.

She did say those words, i dont know myself why i would want to be with her after saying that. To be honest i think she was just blabbing and trying to convince herself the breakup was the best option.

When we were breaking up she was all over me, we were both 'touchy feely' and kissing very passionately, she even put her hand down my trousers for a 'last feel' before she left! why would she do this, what is the point!?
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Unread June 30th, 2010, 06:30 PM   #14
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

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Originally Posted by ElToroGrande View Post
Its not that i cant be happy without a girls in my life i just find it makes this whole thing a lot easier. 4-5 years ago my first girlfriend ever broke up with me after about 10 months as well, i tried to stay to just be on my own and get past it...took me the best part of 6 month to stop thinking about her. Stayed single for 4 years just being casual, so its not that i need woman.

She did say those words, i dont know myself why i would want to be with her after saying that. To be honest i think she was just blabbing and trying to convince herself the breakup was the best option.

When we were breaking up she was all over me, we were both 'touchy feely' and kissing very passionately, she even put her hand down my trousers for a 'last feel' before she left! why would she do this, what is the point!?
Frankly, the vibe I'm getting from this is that she doesn't want to break up with you, but because you're trying to control her she's afraid that eventually your jealousy of her time and what she does with it will cramp her. She says she's starting to throw you little lies. Probably she's doing that because she know if she tells you the truth you'll get all insecure and jealous, so she just avoids being honest about what she's up to.. If she's doing that, then those actions will raise a red flag in you and you'll argue even more because you think she's hiding shit from you (which she is because of the way you react when you know the truth).

We're only hearing your side here, I'd love to hear hers.

It's your life darl'n. If you want her back, ask her what it will take you to do to make that happen.. Wait for her response while you sit calmly and LISTEN. If she says there's nothing you can do, it's over .. Then accept it, grieve and then learn to curb your jealousy.. I'm mentioning your jealousy because of your opening post and you arguing about her going and drunk dialing when she was away and shit.
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Unread June 30th, 2010, 06:41 PM   #15
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

Thank you yet again for the reply. She is coming up for her DVD's now, i think shes going out or something which is why its so late. When she gets here i am just going to flat out ask her what she wants from me, if she says i cant do anything then i can begin to move on. All these games and waiting it out is just stopping me from truly dealing with this. Its time for it to stop because this just isnt healthy for me at all, im only 23 i should be loving life.
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Unread July 5th, 2010, 05:12 PM   #16
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Default Re: Girlfriend broke up with me.

If I were you, I would figure out the reason why you want her back. I have been in your exact shoes a few years ago. I once wanted a girl back that left me, then I had her back- I dropped her. I just wanted to show her the pain that I felt... I was younger and far less mature than I am now.

If you actually care for her, love her, and want to be friends with her at the very least- then do so. IF you two are meant to be, it will happen. Try and be as mature as possible about it, if she doesn't give you what you feel you need, move on and quick! Doesn't mean you have to make her cry, just walk away and have her come after you.
Not discounting the way you may feel about her (or the way she may feel about you), there are a lot of fish in the sea... the only thing that would make this more difficult than normal if you are positive that she is the one for you.
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