And lastly I don't know much about co-dependancy, nor am I ready to level with you on your diagnosis thereof from a couple of posts
Then I suggest you read the book "Co-Dependent No More? by Mellodie Beatie. If you don't want to do that then one simple code to live by is "Stop trying to control others and start taking care of yourself."
Google Co-dependency or even "co-dependend no more" I'm sure you will get lots of information on it.
I am struggling with leaving this situation for two very seperate yet powerful reasons A) I love him deeply B)I believe strongly in the institution of marriage. My biggest fear at the moment is that I'll never be able to trust him again....and without trust...what is there left??
yes and you've been 'struggling' for quite sometime now without it getting any better, only worse.
A) You love him deeply.. or are you sub-conciously afraid to be alone and are you able to concede that you can't fix him with just your love/threats/nagging/ultimatums etc.?
B) You can believe whole heartidly in the institution of a GOOD and healthy marriage, however what you've described is far from that.. You can't see that though and need strangers to validate you.
Your biggest fear is you won't be able to trust him again.. It should be a fear because frankly for a very long time now he's given you tons not to trust him about.. including your finances, his fidelity, his buying things without discussing it with you, you bailing him out, and so forth.
It's quite ordinary to take your time to decide to leave someone you (think) you still love.. quite another to remain in an abusive relationship and think the love is mutual and respected.
take your time, you'll know when the time is right. (hopefully)
I speak brutally because molly-coddle will not help you to see.. My apologies if I offend, my intentions are pure.