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Unread March 8th, 2010, 10:18 PM   #1
stasia
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Default Why are some people weaker/stronger emotionally than others?

^ I've been wondering about said question for awhile. Sometimes I see people cry or get emotional over the stupidest stuff. I think the more people go through the better they can deal with things but then again I see people who've gone through stuff and they still can't handle life. I'm not saying I'm some gi joe but I'm just wondering what you all thought.
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Unread March 8th, 2010, 10:57 PM   #2
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Default Re: Why are some people weaker/stronger emotionally than others?

Everyone's nurture and experience is different. Those differences are mostly learned.
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Unread March 9th, 2010, 12:25 AM   #3
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Default Re: Why are some people weaker/stronger emotionally than others?

I cry and get emotional over stupid stuff sometimes... MORE SO now than when I was younger. But it's stupid things like heart-wrenching commercials about family and such that made me sniffle. In real life, I'm pretty tough.
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Unread March 9th, 2010, 02:41 AM   #4
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Default Re: Why are some people weaker/stronger emotionally than others?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kuky View Post
Everyone's nurture and experience is different. Those differences are mostly learned.
And elaborating on that...

Sometimes it just pays to be "emotional".*

As an illustration that learned behaviour doesn't end with childhood: It didn't pay for me, growing up. My parents, mother in particular, are not at all doting. You hit your head? Stop crying, it was just a little bump and you don't have a concussion. It's something I learned in secondary school, in a relationship with a huge "drama king" from a family of emotional blackmailers. In the struggle to keep my head above water, I learned that crying and fits of anger was the fastest way (and only way I could find) to get ahead. It was an extremely, and unfortunately, forming relationship in many ways and it's something I've had to unlearn.

I have a sister who just can't deal with life. Whenever something gets tough, she collapses. She goes through long periods where she doesn't work, she drinks too much, starts project after project without doing any prior research whatsoever (very recklessly) and at first setback she collapses into a deep depression. It "works" for her. It gives her the love and attention she desires. Her husband is more her father (seriously, he chides her for not shaking hands with people when they meet and the whole "tell the nice lady thank you" kind of situation) and her complete helplessness brings that out in him more than ever. Since she blames her siblings (me in particular) for stealing her father's love from her, it works out very nicely.


* "emotional" being someone who makes an outward spontaneous expression of all their emotions in an unexamining manner. I'd call myself very emotional, without quotation marks. I acknowledge my emotions and then I choose whether to act upon them. In other words, I'm aware of a huge emotional range and where I am within it at any given point of a day. My emotions are not allowed to control me, but I'm not going to shut them out either.
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Unread March 9th, 2010, 05:24 AM   #5
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Default Re: Why are some people weaker/stronger emotionally than others?

There is a big difference between someone "emotional" and someone emotionally weak. The two don't necessarily go hand in hand.

Someone emotionally strong still reacts emotionally to life's changes. Strength isn't ignoring what you feel. Its handling the situation despite those emotions. A strong person doesn't run away from challenges or situations, nor do they make the "easy" choices in life or depend on others to solve their problems for them. They stay true to their beliefs, ideals and morals. Decide to live their lives the way they want to and not the way others deem right. It could even be something like making the choice to be happy and cheerful in a world full of pain and hurt instead of closing in on yourself and shutting yourself off from the world which in my opinion is the weaker choice.

Some strong people are stoic, some get emotional easily. Its about how they handle the situations that decides who they are, in my opinion. Not what they feel or how easily they show it.

As to your question - its a combination of factors but personally, I think for the most part you're born with it. Certainly life experience adds and strengthens, but usually only where it shows you what you never knew you had inside you. I don't think it actually builds that inner quality.
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Unread March 14th, 2010, 07:46 PM   #6
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Default Re: Why are some people weaker/stronger emotionally than others?

By emotionally weak you probably meant apathetic. Sometimes emotional people have to put it all out as it's the only way perhaps to make sense of what's going on with them and their situation and work through the information to keep resolving the matter until it's solved.
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Unread March 14th, 2010, 08:00 PM   #7
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Default Re: Why are some people weaker/stronger emotionally than others?

A strong person can react emotionally, but will make themselves carry on.

A weak person will flail in any given situation.

Emotions have nothing to do with being weak or strong, it's about the way they handle situations. I'm a strong person, and weak people kind of piss me off. But I choose not to be around them so I don't end up adding to their stresses. I can sense when people are weak, and sometimes they try to feed off the strength of others... but I don't let that happen anymore these days. I cry all the time, but when it comes down to it I get things done, and I don't retreat into self pity often.
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Unread March 16th, 2010, 12:51 AM   #8
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Default Re: Why are some people weaker/stronger emotionally than others?

No such thing. Everyone's got emotions, everyone deals with them differently.
A very good friend of mine is known as being quite stoic, masculine, "like a rock", etc etc. But get him drunk enough and just the two of us alone (because he trusts me), and he cries just as hard as anyone else.
People are like onions. Peel back enough layers and they'll all cry at some point.
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