Multipl Issues not sure where to begin...

[Nyx]

Me (22) and my partner(25), (no title), have been together for almost 3 years we were friends for about 3 months and then we were more it's kinda weird but we both feel we are each others soulmates. Antway he's my first serious relationship I'm his 3rd, not sure if that matters. Pretty much the issues are :

One the no title thing- he says and has been saying he doesn't think we're ready for titles. I'm not sure what i'm suppose to take from that after 3 years It almost feels like a friend's with benefits relationship which I brought up to him once jokingly and he told me not to think that cause it isn't like that. The thing is he was my first everything, if you get my drift,and now I just wonder if we'll ever be more than this I feel like I'm floating in limbo.

Second- I have major trust issues, and thats with anyone, but only if you give me reason to not trust you. I don't know if he's cheating on me or not emotionally or physically. Aside from just the feeling that something weird is going on he's always making comments about other ppl and their relationships specifically those with "open" relationships. I asked him if thats what he wanted and he said he likes ours as is. I wonder if he just doesnt like the idea of someone else being with me which is what I think it is, the thing is I dont want that at all. Then theres the phone calls and texts all thru the night wich he says, when he actually tells me, are his friends who know he'll be up at that time. The thing is he rarely tells me that and I wonder who it is when he doesnt tell me. He's a flirt, a major flirt, and I don't like it. I don't dislike flirting all together but when its blatant and you're seriously trying to get someone to want you that's ridiculous. I only ever looked through his phone once, which i felt insanely guilty over, I don't condone doing that. I found some pics from females in their underwear, deleted 'em lol, but seriously there was a text from a girl begging him to sleep with her and then apologizing wtf? Now if I ask to borrow his phone he deletes all his txt msgs first and he doesnt know about me going thru it even with the deleted pix, yes I know that for a fact.

3rd- our sexlife is different. I always have to initiate it unless he really wants it and either way its only like 10 min. quikies where before, lets just say he use to spoil me. I know there's so much going on in our lives right now that is stressful but I wonder if there is another reason for it. When we talked about it I asked if he wanted to take a break and he said yea which I don't mind cause it'll stop me getting sexually frustrated from expecting more, but I still wonder what is going on.

4th- We live together I just moved down to florida to be with him a few months ago and know noone other than his guy friends, we had a 10 month long distance thing going a few months after we became more than friends. He always goes out either to "hang with the guys at the spot" after work or to go to friends parties or clubs or whatever. I never get invited to come. I don't mind him having fun with his friends and doing his own thing but he never wants to do those things with me.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to approach him with my problems cause I feel like he won't here me and we'll just end up arguing. He always thinks I'm attacking him. Don't get me wrong we have some really good moments but all this is always at the back of my mind. What should I do?

[vashti]

You are LIVING with your fuck buddy? Ugh. Bad, bad plan. I'd move out. Especially if the sex isn't all that spectacular anyway.

And no - I don't really see a future with him, given the information you provided.

[Red_but_not_ready]

Of course he likes your relationship as is-there's no title, therefore there's no guilt when he does things like flirt with other girls, accepts suggestive texts and half naked pictures of other girls, goes out with his dudes and doesn't bother to invite you when he knows you don't know anyone else etc etc. If he won't call you his girlfriend after three years, especially when you moved closer to him to live together, then there's a problem. He doesn't want to commit to you and you allow him to get away with that 'not ready for titles' bullshit by staying with him and not confronting him on his behavior. Personally I think you should just leave because he's not showing you any respect and wouldn't show you any respect even if you did confront him about your feelings. End the relationship so he can go out and have his 'open relationships' and so you can meet someone who wants you to be a girlfriend, not a roommate.

[theoffice]

Originally Posted by Nyx

Me (22) and my partner(25), (no title), have been together for almost 3 years we were friends for about 3 months and then we were more it's kinda weird but we both feel we are each others soulmates. Antway he's my first serious relationship I'm his 3rd, not sure if that matters. Pretty much the issues are :

One the no title thing- he says and has been saying he doesn't think we're ready for titles. I'm not sure what i'm suppose to take from that after 3 years It almost feels like a friend's with benefits relationship which I brought up to him once jokingly and he told me not to think that cause it isn't like that. The thing is he was my first everything, if you get my drift,and now I just wonder if we'll ever be more than this I feel like I'm floating in limbo.

Second- I have major trust issues, and thats with anyone, but only if you give me reason to not trust you. I don't know if he's cheating on me or not emotionally or physically. Aside from just the feeling that something weird is going on he's always making comments about other ppl and their relationships specifically those with "open" relationships. I asked him if thats what he wanted and he said he likes ours as is. I wonder if he just doesnt like the idea of someone else being with me which is what I think it is, the thing is I dont want that at all. Then theres the phone calls and texts all thru the night wich he says, when he actually tells me, are his friends who know he'll be up at that time. The thing is he rarely tells me that and I wonder who it is when he doesnt tell me. He's a flirt, a major flirt, and I don't like it. I don't dislike flirting all together but when its blatant and you're seriously trying to get someone to want you that's ridiculous. I only ever looked through his phone once, which i felt insanely guilty over, I don't condone doing that. I found some pics from females in their underwear, deleted 'em lol, but seriously there was a text from a girl begging him to sleep with her and then apologizing wtf? Now if I ask to borrow his phone he deletes all his txt msgs first and he doesnt know about me going thru it even with the deleted pix, yes I know that for a fact.

3rd- our sexlife is different. I always have to initiate it unless he really wants it and either way its only like 10 min. quikies where before, lets just say he use to spoil me. I know there's so much going on in our lives right now that is stressful but I wonder if there is another reason for it. When we talked about it I asked if he wanted to take a break and he said yea which I don't mind cause it'll stop me getting sexually frustrated from expecting more, but I still wonder what is going on.

4th- We live together I just moved down to florida to be with him a few months ago and know noone other than his guy friends, we had a 10 month long distance thing going a few months after we became more than friends. He always goes out either to "hang with the guys at the spot" after work or to go to friends parties or clubs or whatever. I never get invited to come. I don't mind him having fun with his friends and doing his own thing but he never wants to do those things with me.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to approach him with my problems cause I feel like he won't here me and we'll just end up arguing. He always thinks I'm attacking him. Don't get me wrong we have some really good moments but all this is always at the back of my mind. What should I do?

NYX,

I think after 3 years of being with someone, and living with them, and there is still no label of boyfriend and girlfriend, you should really question to yourself whether you want to stay with this guy. To be honest, it sounds like there is almost no future for this relationship/situation that you're in. I'm not saying that there is ABSOLUTELY no future, but definitely not anytime soon. This guy that you're seeing seems to still be in the phase where he doesn't want to settle or get exclusive with anyone. There seems to be a LOT of red flags, like finding pictures of girls and seeing all these text messages, not inviting you to chill with him and his friends. It seems like you really love this guy or you're really into him, but I really think you should think about where this is going to lead you. You don't wanna be stuck in this situation and realize a few years later that you should've left or done something about it a long time ago. So many people feel like they've wasted so many years when they're in situations. The fact that you're also not able to talk to him about this that well is another key indicator that something isn't right. Communication is the key to a long-lasting and great relationship, and it seems like the levels are off, no matter how many times things are good, it doesn't make up for the times when things just aren't right. I hope you figure out what you want and what you want to do. =) Goodluck.