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Unread January 12th, 2010, 05:04 PM   #1
xRachyx
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Default I caught my boyfriend watching porn

Hey,
Im not an overly jealous posessive girlfriend by any means, and in all fairness generalised porn doesn't actually bother me that much. I've kind of learnt to live with it, men are going to watch it and in alot of cases women will too.

However, does there became a point where what u find out he's watching becomes a little too much?... The other day, i left for work early as usual, only to find that work was closed due to the snow, so i trailed home.. walked up the stairs barged into our bedroom to see exactly what was on my boyfriends laptop screen. I rushed in so quick he didnt have a chance to get rid of it, and i saw exactly what site he was on.. and rather than it being the average kind of porn most men will find, it was this kind of site where it was with local girls in our area, and I caught him checking out some girls profile.. I didnt overreact, and i must admit i think he felt so so guilty that i walked in on him, as he instantly said sorry.. but is that when it gets too much? that he's looking at real girls in our area at literally a poking distance?

Secondly.. I guess in some ways i do feel slightly degraded when he'll be looking at porn as soon as we wakes up.. its like he cant wait for me to leave for work, so he can get his laptop out straight away and begin.. I think when a girl finds out her boyfriend does watch porn.. as much as it is important to be open minded about it, and its important to know that he does love you, i do think it can make alot of girls feel quite concious of theirselves.. He does always tell me how good our sex is and how amazing I am, so i doubt he's only watching porn to make up for what we dont do.. and to put it bluntly we have sex almost everynight, so theres no lack of it yet he looks at porn every morning!!

I guess I was just wondering if anyone has any ideas or advice on the matter and how to try not get jealous or insecure about it if there is any advice at all!

Thanks x
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Unread January 17th, 2010, 03:11 PM   #2
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

Well, I like watch porn also but it sounds like he's looking at classifieds ads in your area, which Ill say is a lot different that watching some people fuck on a screen.

Most likely if he hasn't tried to hook up with someone in your area yet and he keeps looking at those ads, he'll try too sometime.

I find it disturbing that he goes for the porn right when you're right there. I would go for you if you woke up in my bed. I like setting the alarm early sometimes just for that. Maybe he has an addiction to porn, its not unheard of.

Did you talk to him about it yet, it doesn't sound like it...
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Unread January 18th, 2010, 05:30 PM   #3
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

he obviously wants the porn/other women, more than he wants you.
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Unread January 20th, 2010, 10:02 AM   #4
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

porn is just an excuse for guys to check out other chicks and crave over them! reality check time !!
I dnt think he deserves u .your worth so much better and to be treated better. there are many men out there who dont watch porn and are satisfied with their partners and if you say your partner and you have sex everynight and he still watched porn than take my words for it that he wants more and that is not from you .Its from others .I say you should be careful and maybe think about what hes doing . We women dont need to be made felt like we are not good enough or start feeling insecure. iam sure you have given in so mucn into that relationship and this is what u get back ?I know how it feels when u face this issue.

I think a man who watches porn for his satisfaction even after having a partner is never worthy for ur love because he truly doesnt deserve it .
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Unread January 20th, 2010, 07:23 PM   #5
Mr Phychology
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

Please do not listen to any of the past posts... your boyfriend is completely normal. Most people especially men look at porn on a regular basis. It does not mean that he does not love you or find you attractive. So long as he is not meeting up with these girls.

I also doubt that he looks at it every single morning; you could have just caught him that one time.

Besides... he may just want to fulfil some of he fantasy's but afraid to tell you what they are yet. How long have you guys been together?
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Unread January 21st, 2010, 07:55 PM   #6
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

I agree with Mr Phychology only to a certain point. It does sound like your BF is addicted to porn. Maybe call Loveline. Maybe Dr. Drew has some thoughts on the matter.

That much porn is not normal.
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Unread January 21st, 2010, 11:39 PM   #7
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

Yeah, don't pay attention to anyone righ tnow except for Mr psych. He's got the most down to earth analysis at the moment. Don't assume it's because of any INTERNAL rpoblem on your part - he's probably addicted to porn - its very common. Really a way to break the addiction is to talk about your fantasies - make him want to experience fantasy with you as opposed to experiencing strange and unsaid fantaises on the computer.
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Unread January 22nd, 2010, 12:45 AM   #8
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

And strangely enough nobody pointed out the obvious - you barged into the room to catch him red handed. Something had to have triggered those suspicions.
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Unread January 26th, 2010, 11:48 PM   #9
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

You detail one specific incident, but then you say he looks at porn 'every morning'. Does he really look at it every morning? Or are you extrapolating from catching him one single time?

If it's just a few times, perhaps he's sometimes horny in the morning, but knew you wouldn't have time before work to get jiggy, or whatever. I wouldn't really suspect he's impatiently waiting for you to leave all the time so he can leap out of bed and get down to business. Not unless I got the wrong idea and you have evidence he does this very often.

Regarding not getting jealous and insecure, I do not think that most men who look at porn (which is most of us) are in any way looking at the women and comparing them to their girlfriends, and usually aren't desiring to be with them or anything like that. There are loads of reasons men might look at porn - inspiration, wanting to learn something (although that's probably not a great idea hehe), habit, simply wanting to be aroused without having to worry about anyone else, etc, etc.

Having said that, my comments are really about what I'd call a porn site i.e. photos or videos of people doing sexual things, with little (or at least very limited) interaction, which I'm not sure is what you found him looking at. If it was some kinda sex hook-up site, then that's a different thing, and I'd personally be more worried about it. If it's the sort of site with some interaction at a distance (e.g. cam girls) then that's something else again. I think you need to determine exactly what sort of site it was... and perhaps that you weren't seeing some kind of pop-up advert or something like that (many porn sites, and indeed some non-porn sites have annoying pop-ups that direct you to cam girls and XXX buddy finder, etc.). If it is some kind of hook-up site, can you find out if he has an account? Even if it was one of those sites, it may well have been the result of some fairly innocent browsing. It's easy to click a link or two without it meaning something really significant.

Would it seem reasonable now for you to ask him about it?
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Unread January 27th, 2010, 06:04 AM   #10
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

I think she meant it was a sex hook up site, but he was just looking at the pictures?
You said he apologised - what did he apologise for? Being on that site specifically? Or was he just embarrassed by being caught with his pants down, so to speak?

I don't think you're being unreasonable by being unhappy about classifieds pics, if that's was it was. I'm pretty relaxed about porn, but I'd be uncomfortable with my boyfriend looking at pictures on a classifieds site. It makes it more real somehow... like he's getting turned on by another person, rather than a porn star image.

If you haven't talked to him about this already, I think you should. Most people I know seem to understand why local girls are worse to look at than porn stars... and if he doesn't get it, you can explain.

I don't know if he watches too much porn. I don't think having a wank every morning is extreme for a guy.... maybe on the excessive side.

Quote:
Originally Posted by xRachyx
Secondly.. I guess in some ways i do feel slightly degraded when he'll be looking at porn as soon as we wakes up.. its like he cant wait for me to leave for work, so he can get his laptop out straight away and begin..
Think it's this kind of this that annoys men so much.
I know if I were in your shoes I'd probably feel the same. But there's no logical reason at all to feel like that. He'd probably be willing to make a compromise on that too, but not without a reason.
Imagine if he wanted you to never masturbate at a particular time of day - his reason being that he felt degraded. You already wait for him to be out the house before you do anything... what more does he want?
Think you might have to learn to live with that one. He seems to be being pretty considerate -- not just trying to jump you.
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Unread January 28th, 2010, 11:46 AM   #11
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

watching porn is not a crime you must make sex with each and I heard that most of the women like the experience men for sex.so let him watch its benefit of your's.TX
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Unread January 28th, 2010, 05:00 PM   #12
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

I agree with Mr Psych up to a point. My concern would be that he's looking at local girls. I admit I look at local craigslist postings from time to time, but that's part of my fantasy. You guys should have a sit down and discuss the porn, and if he's exploring something that he can't share with you because of his own issue or that it's a madonna/whore complex. For instance, your boyfriend is perfect, but you can't bring yourself to share your darker fantasies with him because he is 'Perfect', that you're scared that he won't accept your darker side.

Last edited by rick_bachman; January 28th, 2010 at 05:09 PM.. Reason: found the correct name for the complex
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Unread January 28th, 2010, 05:14 PM   #13
EveryLivingThing
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by piperwinsor View Post
watching porn is not a crime you must make sex with each and I heard that most of the women like the experience men for sex.so let him watch its benefit of your's.TX

I never had a gf before and when I got one I didnt know how to kiss an how to do anything else.


So porn .. helped me learn a LOT of stuff, so I dont look like a complete retard. Also, my gf was very understanding and re-assuring and together we became amazing kissers!! (no kidding, our longest kiss was 6 hours!!!!)

Also, before your first sex, its kind of advisable to watch porn to know what you are doing and how a hymen defloration ACTUALLY looks like. And then again, you can get new ideas to try out in bed. no girl will like a guy terrible in bed for a long time. You should watch porn, to learn some new moves :P and I dont think porn is bad - its "educational material" after all!!!
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Unread January 28th, 2010, 06:10 PM   #14
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

There are many reasons for why men watch porn but why in the world is he looking into local girls? Yes I agree with many of the post talking about him being addicted to porn but I think as soon as he took it local he did something that was entirely to disrespectful to you to just over look. This is the same as if he was to have gone to the strip club that is local in your area and took a girl home from there and jerked off to her in your room.

Then the next question you should ask yourself is would he tolerate if you had a personals add on a site like Match.com and was looking at local men in your area? I would bet the question would be no. Why should you over look this? I think if it was just porn then maybe you could talk about it and fix it, but since its local girls and he is in a site just for that then he is shoping.....
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Unread January 28th, 2010, 06:13 PM   #15
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talnoy View Post
Yeah, don't pay attention to anyone righ tnow except for Mr psych. He's got the most down to earth analysis at the moment. Don't assume it's because of any INTERNAL rpoblem on your part - he's probably addicted to porn - its very common. Really a way to break the addiction is to talk about your fantasies - make him want to experience fantasy with you as opposed to experiencing strange and unsaid fantaises on the computer.
I agree with this truly but did everyone skip over the fact that he was in the local girls porn site??? He is not just addicted to porn but window shopping.
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Unread January 29th, 2010, 01:59 PM   #16
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

my deer i always watch porn. what wrong with that.
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Unread February 13th, 2010, 04:09 PM   #17
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

Porn and Sex are two things different in boys minds. I know it may sound creepy, but I sometimes watch porn even when I know I'm having sex the same day even if I'm in a relatioship. It's ok to do so and a lot of boys do this. The only problem would be if it became an addiction and he'd rather watch porn than have sex with you, but from what you said you're having sex almost everyday so it's ok.
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Unread February 13th, 2010, 10:45 PM   #18
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Default Re: I caught my boyfriend watching porn

I can see what you mean, that you would be jealous of him looking at some sort of porn of girls in your area. But since you only got a glimpse of the porn, it might not actually be girls in the area? I've seen those websites before and they are not always what they initially look like. Don't get too upset, he just likes looking at girls. I am a girl in a relationship and my boyfriend watches porn, heck, so do I! It doesn't mean he loves you or is interested in you less. I mean he is having sex with you plenty. Sometimes I just like to look at porn when I am bored! It might just be his form of entertainment. Talk to him about it, but don't get too freaked out. An addiction would only be apparent if he was not having sex with you or could not stop looking at porn!
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