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Unread December 2nd, 2009, 03:39 PM   #1
pbateman
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Question 5 month relationship falling apart

Here's the story: I've been dating this girl for 5 months, when we first met we just clicked and decided to start dating exclusively after only a week - this was admittedly out of character for both of us. I should also note that she told me she was "high maintenace" when we first met, which I assumed I knew what she meant. She also started staying over at my place all the time, so we basically lived together unofficially for the majority of these 5 months. Over time we did the normal things, went out to dinner, movies, and bars, and maybe a friend's wedding or two and a sporting event or two and it seemed like we were a perfect match - I know it was the honeymoon phase.

Well lately it seems as all we do is fight, and she is very unhappy with the way I've been treating her - in her words. She's been telling me that I don't treat her badly she just needs "more" from me. That she feels like she always calls/texts first, that I never intiate, that I don't show her that I "give a damn" about her, and that she doesn't know why she should continue chasing me when it is obvious I don't care? But the thing is I do care, however I don't know what else to do to show it? Unfortunately in my life most of my relationships have lasted a few months and then they fizzle, so I'm not experienced in how to handle things when they go past a certain point. I certainly had no intentions of making her feel taken for granted, but now that I have is there anything I can do to "show her" that I care beyond the stuff I've been doing? I'm also thinking maybe we just don't belong together in the first place, but like I said I'm inexperienced in longer relationships so I'm not sure how much of this is caused by my own issues, and how much of this is caused by hers - not that I'm interested in throwing blame, but moving forward I need to know what I could've done to prevent this.
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Unread December 2nd, 2009, 03:49 PM   #2
Maria O.
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Default Re: 5 month relationship falling apart

have you two talked about the issues between you? sometimes, couples fight because they lack communication and the fail to compromise. try talking to her first. explain to her that you did not intend to take her for granted. ask her what you can do to assure her that you love her and that you really care about her. do not be afraid to ask for her help in making your relationship work. ask her to give you time to change and make things better. a good, relaxed conversation can really help in making things work. good luck!
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Unread December 2nd, 2009, 05:00 PM   #3
pbateman
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Default Re: 5 month relationship falling apart

Yes a lot of her issues are my lack of communication. The problem is to me its cryptic, she wants me to "treat her how she deserves" and I don't know what that means and she can't seem to explain it to me. She feels as though at my age (35) I should just "know" how to treat a girl, and now I'm starting to wonder if I just never learned how to treat a long term relationship properly. Ugh its so utterly frustrating b/c I am wracking my brain and its causing me tremendous anxiety and overall I feel like crap all the time, and conversely she is angry at me b/c she can't see any results so she is miserable as well.
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Unread December 3rd, 2009, 12:51 AM   #4
Blossoms
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Default Re: 5 month relationship falling apart

I agree with Maria O., the important thing is to talk to her about things like expectations. Ex: What does she expect you to do, as her boyfriend? What do you expect her to do? She could say you should know already because you're 35, but some things need to be talked through - relationships never go smoothly all the time when you don't communicate. It always easier said than done, though. I guess since you've been going out for some time, things become a routine. Maybe shake things up a little by doing something different every now and then - like buy her flowers (probably a stereotypical example - you can be more creative)... ask her questions you've never asked her before. Talk to her about things you never really talk about to anyone. That way she'll feel more intimate with you. Small things add up. Good luck!!
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Unread December 5th, 2009, 02:04 PM   #5
Lucidtruth
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Default Re: 5 month relationship falling apart

Well, if she won't tell you and expects you to "just know" stuff, then she should "just know" at her age that her expectations are irrational. Nobody's that good at mind-reading. That's why we have language.
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