Can I Get Her Back?

[axiomvoid]

Here's my story...sorry if its too long but a lot has happened. My ex and I dated for a little over a year. I'm 28 and she's 26. We both loved each other so much and always talked about getting married and having kids. We had our ups and downs like any other relationship and even "broke up" a few times before, but always got back together within days. Well, we had a huge argument in July this year and I got fed up and broke up with her...it was a pretty ugly break up. Here's where the problem is: we both work in the same department at our job, so it's hard to avoid eachother. But we didn't speak to each other for 2 months. That whole time I was waiting on her to come to me...when she didn't come I considered that she didn't care anymore and finally confronted her about it. I called her up in tears and accused her of not caring about me, begged her to forgive me, asked for her to take me back, and everything else. It didn't go so well (that was before I learned about the supposed "no contact method"). Later that night I drove to her house and tried to get her to come out but she wouldn't. So I got back in my car and waited for about 2 hours, texting her to come out and she never would. I left a nasty voicemail which ended with me crying and accused her of lying about loving me for a year.

The next day she texted me saying that I was acting like a crazy person and that I wasn't the same guy she fell in love with and that after all the negative things that I said about her, that she does NOT want to be in a relationship with me anymore. I got more upset and said more bad things about her. The day after that, I came to my senses and tried to fix everything. I bought flowers and had them delivered. She sent a text with simply "thank you." After a week, I called her up crying again and asking for her back. She said something along the lines of the flowers were a nice thought but it won't fix anything. I got offended because I had tried everything and nothing worked and asked what does she want me to do. She said she needs space and that I need to respect that. So I left her alone...several hours later she texts "maybe we can hangout sometime as friends." I said ok to that...first good sign in 2 months.

A week later, I sent her more flowers (bigger) and included a letter explaining all my feelings and basically poured my heart out in it...even included some pictures from some of our good times out. Later that night after work she sent a text saying she read the letter and understood everything I was saying but that I took her for granted and that she needs time to think about what's best for her. That made me even more sad...it was really depressing. Then, I looked online for help and bought "The Magic of Making Up" ebook by TW Jackson. It recommended that I arrange a short outing with her as friends and talk about things that aren't related to our relationship. But before that it recommends at least a month of no contact. Since we had already gone two months without talking, I started with the short outing. We met up 2 weeks ago for Sunday coffee and had a nice chat about what we have both been up to. I also commented on the way she looks now, she has been working out almost every night since we broke up and is taking a Brazilian Jui-Jitsu class. After an hour she said she had to go and I needed to also, so we thanked each other and said goodbye. I took that as a good thing because it was the first time we talked in a long time without arguing. She talked to me at work the rest of the week and I saw it as a good sign and I started dressing differently with a new wardrobe (more of the style she liked to see me in when we were together).

So, with things going well in my mind, this past Sunday I asked her if she wanted to come over and talk, or somewhere else. She replied that she was too busy organizing her closet for Fall and cleaning up. I said ok no big deal. Later that night she texted me saying she wants the Xbox back that she bought me for Christmas last year because she wants to sell it and buy a computer. I was completely surprised by that text and told her I thought it was a rude gesture. She didn't understand why I would get offended by it and I responded that I'm not trying to sell any of her things. Its like if I asked for all the purses I bought her so I could sell them and buy a new TV, LOL. She said she asked me because I told her I haven't used it since we broke up, which is true. But that didn't mean I will never use it again...I've been too busy for games. I also reminded her that I bought her a computer when we were still together and that if she would take me back she would have it (it was at my house the day we broke up so I still have it). I finally asked if she wanted it back and she said yes and that I should've offered it to her last week when we met for coffee because she said she needed a computer then too. I apologized and I am bringing the computer to work today.

So after a little more arguing that night I found out that in the 2 months that we didn't talk to each other, she was waiting on me...and I was waiting on her. Now another month has gone by since our break up, so now it's been 3 months total. I told her I was sorry about that, as I have many times already. We argued a little more about other things and she hung up on me and I sent her a few texts accusing her of not caring about me and only thinking about herself and that I don't even wanna be her friend anymore and that I changed my mind about giving her the computer. She called me back and asked why do I always do that and that is one of the reasons she doesn't wanna be with me. Because I always say bad things about her and then try to fix things and pretend it never happened (her words). I tried to explain to her the way I feel and the reason why I say the things I do...because i'm hurting and it doesn't appear that she feels the same way. She said she does feel the same especially now that Halloween is coming up and Christmas because we were together around this time last year and it was great. That made me feel a lot better and it shows that she still cares about me...at least a little bit.

I really don't know what to do about this situation. I want her back so bad...but I don't want to be friends with her if I can't be in a relationship with her...it would be too hard on me. I told her that and she said we have to start over because we messed it up. I understand that, but I just don't get why it's so hard to get through to her and why she's not as willing to try again like me. I also don't understand how someone can claim to love you so much and say they want to spend the rest of their life with you and then when you screw something up, they change their mind as if the time together didn't mean anything. I fear that she is scared to try because she thinks it will just happen all over again. I also fear that she will find someone else and that I'll lose her forever. I'm all out of ideas. I'm not giving up though...far from it. I just don't know if I'm just wasting my time with her since she's being unnecessarily stubborn. I thought she was the love of my life and I've NEVER felt this way with anyone else. Working together and seeing each other every day just makes it even more difficult. And I'm in a management position so I'm not quitting anytime soon, lol. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[BecKerr]

Well first things first. Stop saying stupid childish things to her when you get upset. You are never going to accomplish what you want by doing that. Next time that happens, just slowly put your phone down and do something else. Go work out, go watch a movie, hang out with some friends... Get your mind off of the current situation and let some time pass so you both get over it. Then when your words arent so hurtful you can explain to her what you were feeling at that time. Its always much better that way.
I think you need to ease off of her a bit. Give her space and give her time to think through what she wants. How do you expect her to want you back if she hasnt had a minute without you around. If some guy kept bugging me after we split up, i wouldnt want him back. That pestering and constant texting and calling would only annoy me further.
Im glad you arent giving up, but if you are less needy for her and give her space, if she wants to continue with you, she will come to you. Let her have the time to do that!