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Unread July 8th, 2009, 12:45 AM   #1
come_on_seriously
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Default 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

My fiance and I fantasize about asking another girl to join our bed sessions.

My question goes out to anyone who's actually experienced a threesome with a spouse or serious bf/gf, and a willing female 3rd party. What effect did it have on your relationship AFTER the fact? Did it make you closer and even more intimate as a couple or did the experience draw you apart?

I'm thinking of going through it with my fiance, and I would just like to know what possible repercussions I may have to deal with. And if turning this fantasy into a reality is worth laying our relationship on the line...

I thank you in advance for your input!
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Unread July 8th, 2009, 01:02 AM   #2
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

Well, I haven't done it, but my best friend had in her first relationship. The couple, Amanda and Liam, invited a mutual friend into bed with them. Liam had pushed for it, and Amanda just wanted to make him happy, so they did it. She told me that it didn't end well because everyone except the mutual friend ended up with hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and rules slightly broken. (It happens when you're in the moment.) The relationship started to die after that. But, they were also 22, and 17 at the time.
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Unread July 8th, 2009, 01:05 AM   #3
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

I'd never do it in a relationship, but most of the posts here from people who have tried it seem to indicate it leads to disaster.

I do believe that some people would be less bothered or affected than others, and perhaps you and your fiance are on the extreme end.

But I also have to ask is, can your bedroom life be excellent without this fantasy turning into reality? Perhaps you're looking for excitement in the wrong place. Why take the risk if you're unsure? Perhaps this fantasy is indicative of a lack of something else.
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Unread July 8th, 2009, 01:36 AM   #4
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

how would you really feel if your fiance was having sex without someone else, and you were watching? that he was doing it with HER, not you?
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Unread July 8th, 2009, 09:03 AM   #5
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

Leads to disaster, jealousy, bitterness, resentment, and eventually a broken relationship. I have yet to hear tale of when a relationship actually came out with positive results.
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Unread July 8th, 2009, 09:25 AM   #6
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

In my personal experience? Not worth it. It was fun while it lasted, sure, but my partner became very jealous about it later (despite it being her idea).

I would not recommend it in your case (being engaged, etc). As good as it is, it's not worth the incessant rehashing that comes after (or that can come after). But, if you're particularly disinclined towards jealousy, then maybe it would be different for you/your partner. All I know is that my gal found it much more trying that she expected. It's largely a non-issue these days, but it did make her insecurities worse in the long run. For that reason above all others, I do regret doing it.
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Unread July 8th, 2009, 04:38 PM   #7
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

I guess it all depends on different people opinions I'm sure there are tons of people out there that would tell you how great it is. Me for one I don't like to share, so the guy may be all up for it but ask him if he would want two guys and just you, I'm betting he wont because there are just so many things. He would become insecure, wonder if there are feelings, etc. I just don't like to share so I would NEVER do it, it doesn't mean you can't have the fantasy, play with it agree on another name and let hiim call it out while you guys are having sex, there are other things you can do with the fantasy besides actually going through with it.
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Unread July 8th, 2009, 10:28 PM   #8
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

Thank you so much, everyone. Your input has been invaluable. I will let the fantasy remain a fantasy. We're both actually happy with our current sex life, and after your comments and insights, I realize that we both just have to know where to draw the line, for the sake of trust and security in the relationship.

Keep up the good work, people!
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Unread July 8th, 2009, 10:35 PM   #9
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

And thank you for giving us a follow-up! It's always nice to hear the After.
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Unread July 9th, 2009, 01:21 AM   #10
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

Can we move this to archives? Probably would be valuable to people in the future, though I would have liked to have heard from our token polyamorist.
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Unread July 9th, 2009, 08:02 PM   #11
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

which one? though I suppose you mean Nonny, not Muftak. he hasn't been around in AGES.
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Unread July 12th, 2009, 05:31 PM   #12
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kuju View Post
how would you really feel if your fiance was having sex without someone else, and you were watching? that he was doing it with HER, not you?
I've thought the same thing. I harbored other fantasies as a younger man, but if you're in a relationship you care about its really not worth it.
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Unread July 27th, 2009, 08:18 AM   #13
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

"come_on_seriously"- Good News! There's a way you can make this work!

First you have to be really sure with your fiance that she's actually interested in exploring other women, and she's not just doing it for you, or doing it because she thinks she "should." If your fiance has expressed jealousy over other women in the past, that could indicate potential problems with inviting a third party into you sacred sexual space. Threesomes require enormous trust, confidence (in the pre-existing relationship), and self-confidence.
Creating and Honoring clear and specific BOUNDARIES is the #1 issue when engaging in threesomes.

For the first time "test out the waters":
1) Make the experience "All About Your Fiance"
2) Always allow your fiance to choose the woman
3) After the 1st time gauge the situation and the desire to escalate it.

The ménage à trois goes bad for a woman when the fantasy of exploring "what it would be like to be with another woman" becomes the reality of "watching my fiance totally aroused, turned on by and (yikes!) ORGASMING while inside of/looking at/staring deeply into the eyes of another woman (while I watch in abject horror from the sidelines)."

Okay, I'm being melodramatic! This is just worse-case-scenario. That is a possible perspective, from a woman's point of view. On the other hand, your fiance may end up being totally okay or even turned on watching you with another woman. However, you don't know yet. I know that's it's natural for a man to be more excited by a new female addition to his sex life (and it doesn't mean that he wants the other woman more or no longer attracted to his woman), it's just that witnessing that may be painful for your fiance.

So plan this out before hand. Talk to the third party woman. Discuss the boundaries and make sure she is willing and able to honor them. The first time would basically be you having sex with your fiance and the woman having sex with your fiance. Make it fun. Maybe call it "Goddess Worshipping <insert name of Fiance>." Then you and the 3rd party woman can indulge your fiance with a lot of touching, massaging, stroking, kissing etc. Make it a wonderful time for her, if you want the chance of "more times" in the future. Besides, I don't think it would suck to see some girl on girl action in the flesh, would it!

If you both enjoy the experience and want to take it to the next level, use the same tactic of "Make It All About Your Fiance." When you are inside the 3rd party woman:
1) look at your fiance/ touch your fiance/ kiss your fiance/ go down on your fiance/ tell her how sexy, beautiful, etc. she is, and allow the 3rd party woman to do the same (to your fiance)
2) always make sure your fiance is taken care of
3) look at your fiance in the eyes during your orgasm

Playing it safe in the beginning creates a strong foundation for hot & juicy triadic adventures in the future!
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Unread July 29th, 2009, 10:03 PM   #14
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

Oh, that might work if you are not a jealous girl, but what if he starts liking who comes into your bedroom better than you? Would you be ok with that? Don't you want to be the girl of his dreams and the only woman for him, or do you want to be someone to have sex with? There is making love then there is just having sex. If in your heart you are unsure that it will be "only sex" with the other woman, I wouldn't go there, you might find yourself hurt. Just my advice, you don't have to take it. Showing him you have respect for yourself, and want to be respected NOW, will let him know not to disrespect you after you are married. GOOD LUCK !!
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Unread July 29th, 2009, 11:56 PM   #15
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Default Re: 2 girls, 1 guy. Heavenly or hellish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mel View Post
Oh, that might work if you are not a jealous girl, but what if he starts liking who comes into your bedroom better than you? Would you be ok with that? Don't you want to be the girl of his dreams and the only woman for him, or do you want to be someone to have sex with? There is making love then there is just having sex. If in your heart you are unsure that it will be "only sex" with the other woman, I wouldn't go there, you might find yourself hurt. Just my advice, you don't have to take it. Showing him you have respect for yourself, and want to be respected NOW, will let him know not to disrespect you after you are married. GOOD LUCK !!
First I want to apologize to come_on_seriously because I was addressing you as though you were the man!!! <terrible chagrin> I'm so used to advising men on this!!!

Are you curious about being with a woman? Or is this more his fantasy and you'd like to please him because you want to make him happy? If that is the case, then what Mel says is very true. Honoring your truth is respecting yourself.

If you are curious about being with a woman, because it's something that you think about without the suggestion of your boyfriend, there is a way to explore that. Choose a woman who will honor your boundaries. Make the experience about your exploration.

I have tried this. It was for my own exploration. In the end, my former boyfriend & I felt safer with each other because we were able to experience this and still love and trust each other. The relationship ended four years ago (for other reasons), and he is still one of my best friends, someone I have come to know that I can always count on. In fact, we hung out just today!

Congratulations on your engagement!
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