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Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

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Unread January 5th, 2009, 04:29 PM   #1
never_sure
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Default No Physical Attraction, Time to Move On?

After two years of being with my girl friend, I have lost all desire to sleep with her. I do love her, but if it was possible (I know it's not), I'd change our relationship to "just friends" so that I could pursue other women while still enjoying an awesome friendship with her.

Isn't this grounds for breaking up? I feel horrible and guilty for even thinking about it, but I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life sleeping with only her.
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Unread January 5th, 2009, 06:31 PM   #2
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Default Re: No Physical Attraction, Time to Move On?

i suppose it could be... do you still love her in the other ways?

from my experience it can only mean bad things when you feel this way, at 1 point i was with a girl i loved then i realised "oh dear, i dont fancy her anymore, i dont like her looks"

and as i was young and stupid i cheated on her which she still doesnt know til this day i have done, shortly after we broke up, she knew i was acting like i didnt want to be with her anymore

for me a relationship is a balance, 70% on personality etc, 30% looks, but looks are quite important
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Unread January 5th, 2009, 06:35 PM   #3
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Default Re: No Physical Attraction, Time to Move On?

Try spicing things up in the bedroom. And I don't mean with actual spices *cringe*
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Unread January 5th, 2009, 07:47 PM   #4
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Default Re: No Physical Attraction, Time to Move On?

Quote:
Originally Posted by never_sure View Post
After two years of being with my girl friend, I have lost all desire to sleep with her. I do love her, but if it was possible (I know it's not), I'd change our relationship to "just friends" so that I could pursue other women while still enjoying an awesome friendship with her.

Isn't this grounds for breaking up? I feel horrible and guilty for even thinking about it, but I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life sleeping with only her.
Yes it's grounds for breaking up. Sex is extremely important in any relationship. If you aren't sexually attracted to her now, you probably won't be later, either. Unless you are no longer sexually attracted to her because of something physical (i.e. lots of weight gain or something, in which case expect to be called a superficial jerk by many women on here), then simply giving her the runaround is not going to solve anything or fix the problem. It's clear you just want to be friends, so it's time you break up with her. You can't be friends for a while afterwords but who the hell wants to be in a relationship with no physical attraction?

I may sound like an uncaring ass but seriously, I have been there, done that. You sit there and evaluate why they're a good person to date but you can't get past the fact that you aren't sexually attracted to them. I'm sorry, but I can't manage that. Physical attraction is extremely important. Just like I couldn't date an idiot no matter how "hot" she was. Physical attraction and brains for me, baby. If you don't have both, then I'm not the guy you're looking for.
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Unread January 5th, 2009, 08:12 PM   #5
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Default Re: No Physical Attraction, Time to Move On?

I don't think any of the women on here would call a guy a 'superficial jerk' because a woman gained lots of weight and her partner isn't attracted to her anymore. We're not stupid. If you get into a relationship with someone and you look good, then let yourself go because you're comfortable, that's not part of the deal. (Obviously this isn't the case when people are married and the woman has children, but there's still responsibility to try there).

I agree with the rest of what you've said though GodHand, physical attraction is very important in a relationship. If she's let herself go, talk to her about it, but be tactful. If you're just bored with her and don't want to work on it, then leave, find someone else.
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Unread January 5th, 2009, 08:24 PM   #6
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Default Re: No Physical Attraction, Time to Move On?

the thing as well.. yeh there are loads of girls out there who arent the hottest...for example i could find a girl who i dont find that physically attractive, then after weeks/months of "seeing" her i could realise although she isnt as "hot" looks wise as id like her too.. she could make up for it by being the kindest/nicest person ever...

however usually if you find someone attractive to start with, then you all of a sudden dont find them attractive and dont want sex with them (as mentioned above, that happened to me and when she came round to see me i would think to myself "oh damm, im dreading sex") then it might not work
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Unread January 6th, 2009, 12:04 AM   #7
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Default Re: No Physical Attraction, Time to Move On?

I think it's time to get out. If you truly love someone you're always attracted to them, even with their flaws. That's what I believe anyway. If you love their personality so much it should transpire into the physical as well.

I think you should break up with her, if possible try and keep a friendship (though this barely works out) and go out and date other women. This is a far better scenario than you cheating on her, which is probably what will happen if you decide to stay.

Unfortunately I do not think any amount of 'spicing up' in the bedroom will help this situation. Time to move on.
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Unread January 6th, 2009, 01:29 AM   #8
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Default Re: No Physical Attraction, Time to Move On?

You're not a superficial jerk. Sex means something to you, and you should never have to apologize for that. If you've tried spicing things up, but it's just gone, then yeah, it might very well be time to end things. You're basically not feeling it.
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Unread January 7th, 2009, 10:21 AM   #9
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Default Re: No Physical Attraction, Time to Move On?

Lmao. This is seriously cracking me up. LMFAO.
Dude.. I mean its fucked up but you have to do what you have to do. I mean if you dont end up moving on you will most likely end up cheating on her, so save yourself the karma and bad name and take the next exit..

Yikes.. I can see it now: "Baby I love you and I think you have a wonder personality but I just cant get it up to you any more... sorry baby.. "

That poor girl. Let her off easy eh?

Anyway I do understand though, best of luck to ya man
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