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Unread October 30th, 2008, 01:42 PM   #1
Confused22
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Eureka! Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

Ok, Im stil not sure about this guy

I met this guy through a friend, and we've been dating for about 3 weeks now. We have had xxx a few times as well. He seems very unemotional & shy but hes starting to open up with me a bit more, and he has a great sense of humour we live about half an hour away from eachother and he drives down all the time to come see me. But we only went out to a pub one time and went out to a club another time, he comes over we hang out talk and stuff but thats about it..and he usually only calls when hes coming over or will call me when hes at work, hes the jealous type and stuff which is fine. I asked him last night what he was thinking about (us) and he said we will get to know eachother first before we get into any too serious. Ok but seriously how the heck are you going to get to know me vice versa if you don't ask me to hang out with your friends or go out and do something?? We always have a very good connection between us and we both really like each other. Is he taking his time because he dosen't want things to be screwed up? We have also got into little arguments kinda (no yelling) or anything. Hes a very upfront blunt person like me, so Im still not sure.

Im really confused.. Some have any advice?

Last edited by Confused22; October 30th, 2008 at 01:47 PM..
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 02:01 PM   #2
lupygirl75
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

Have you tried asking him to go out? Maybe throw a party and tell him to invite his friends so you can meet them. If he doesnt want to get serious too quick, why is he so quick to have sex with you?
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 02:19 PM   #3
Confused22
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

he has talked to me about what I thought about being in a relationship with him before..... but that was 1 week ago or so... Like today he hasn't called .. he only calls the day he comes to visit me.... he usually calls around 1pm or so, maybe he dosen't have anything to say? lol should I just break it off and tell him I don't want this anymore?
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 02:20 PM   #4
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lupygirl75 View Post
Have you tried asking him to go out? Maybe throw a party and tell him to invite his friends so you can meet them. If he doesnt want to get serious too quick, why is he so quick to have sex with you?

I also have asked him to go out and see a movie, he said ok, than a few hours passed when he called he asked me if we could just stay in and watch a movie at my place....
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 02:28 PM   #5
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

and its halloween tomorrow and he didn't even ask me to go out with him and his friends.... but whatever lol
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 05:07 PM   #6
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

i think you messed up when you had sex with him so early. if i started dating a girl and a few days later we're already doing the nasty, well, i wouldnt really have respect for her. how many other guys has she dated, nailed, then broke up with? yeah i think the next guy you date you should make him wait at least a month or two
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 06:58 PM   #7
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

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lol should I just break it off and tell him I don't want this anymore?
Yes if that's true, no if it's not.

It does sound a little like he's using you, to be honest. Calling you the day he's coming over (and only then), having sex frequently at such an early stage (but holding off on actually getting to know you) - not great vibes if you ask me. Of course, from my end, I can only guess at these things. If you're looking for more than a "friend with benefits" (*shudder* I hate that term), well, I don't think you're likely to find it with this guy. Seems like he's holding back where it counts, and cashing in where it suits.

I could be wrong. These are merely my initial impressions.
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 06:58 PM   #8
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

i'm new to this and want to post a question, how to i do that?
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 07:01 PM   #9
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

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i'm new to this and want to post a question, how to i do that?
Go to the relevant forum section ('Down in the Dumps', 'The Long Haul', etc), and select 'New Thread' (the button at the top left). It should be pretty self-explanatory at that point. If not, feel free to ask for more info.
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 08:46 PM   #10
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

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Originally Posted by Harper View Post
Yes if that's true, no if it's not.

It does sound a little like he's using you, to be honest. Calling you the day he's coming over (and only then), having sex frequently at such an early stage (but holding off on actually getting to know you) - not great vibes if you ask me. Of course, from my end, I can only guess at these things. If you're looking for more than a "friend with benefits" (*shudder* I hate that term), well, I don't think you're likely to find it with this guy. Seems like he's holding back where it counts, and cashing in where it suits.

I could be wrong. These are merely my initial impressions.

But I know him enough that he would tell me straight up and not waste his time. Like we aren't in a relationship, we're dating and when your just dating you dont have an obligation to call them everyday?.... Like ya I really like this guy but in all honesty, I just don't want to be played like a game.
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 08:48 PM   #11
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

So my question really is for the guys on here. Would you waste your time with someone you didn't think you would eventually be in a relationship with, would you drive half and hour? Tell them you wanted to get to know them etc.... And Im I wasting my time?
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 10:28 PM   #12
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

I really feel for you, Im going through a similar thing but 3 months into it. I still havent met his friends, and yet hes said he loves me. We dont go out much together, but I get invited to his family gatherings. Its all push and pull, and I know how crazy it can drive you. My first reaction to your post was a nice loud voice in my head calling out "COMMITMENT PHOBIC". If this is the case you have to decided whether you want to deal with excuses, sometimes being ignored (often straight after you've had a great week/day when everything felt like it was going right), and trying to get him to open up and share(or even *talk* about the 'deep' stuff). Its hell, I only recommend it if you really care about this person and think in the long run it'll work.

Only you can really make the call on whether you feel like he's using you. And if you feel that way you have to tell him to straighten his act up or you'll find someone else who wont make you feel this way and will love being with you.
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Unread October 30th, 2008, 10:53 PM   #13
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

I wouldn't automatically assume that because you two don't go out a lot that he is using you. I have certainly been in relationships where we really only went on a couple of dates before we started doing just more normal things- hanging out, going for walks, studying together, cooking dinner together, etc. Makes dating a lot cheaper for those of us who don't have a ton of money to blow.

Also, as someone who doesn't introduce people to my SO's or family right away, I wouldn't say that that alone demonstrates he is using you either. Arms has still only really met maybe 3 of my friends, and 2 of them I live with, so ya. . . hard to hide him from them lol. But it certainly doesn't mean I am not committed. I just happen to be very private about these sorts of things before they look very long-term. I don't like to get my friends and family into all of the male drama that seems to follow me around (they would be shocked at some of the things guys have done to me). So its only now, as I consider him someone that will likely be around for quite some time, that I am introducing him to my friends (and eventually will talk about him to my family). It has been months before I have wanted to take this step.

As for the contact thing, if he contacts you regularly, no cause to be concerned. Have you ever told him you want him to call more? Have you tried calling him more? I would seriously just sit down and talk to him about some of your concerns at this point, and evaluate your feelings towards him based on his responses.
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Unread October 31st, 2008, 12:11 AM   #14
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

yep, talk to him. tell him you would like to hear from him more, that you've got loads of stuff to discuss and that you look forward to him calling you. call him too. if THAT doesn't get the ball rolling, i'd say bye to this one. what kind of guy doesn't call? i never met one
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Unread November 2nd, 2008, 09:57 PM   #15
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

Well last time I talked to him was last wensday night, he just recently pm me on msn tonight asking what I was doing tonight... Lol and since the last time we've talked which was on wensday I've seen him on msn and Im sure hes seen me on but no convo or no "Hi how are you" untill tonight. I feel like his weekday "person" up untill it hits thursdays-sundays. I think Im just going to toss this one aside, but as miskah said it is very hard, especially if you feel you have a connection with the person.
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Unread November 3rd, 2008, 08:37 AM   #16
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

He asked to come "hang out" tonight.. But all of a sudden I got this disgusted feeling like I don't want anything to do with him anymore. Im still in love with my ex bf of 3 years and we're trying to work on things, but working on ourselves first. How should I break it off with this guy??? I feel bad!
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Unread November 4th, 2008, 12:38 AM   #17
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

I disagree with the notion that sex too fast has much to do with it at all. I always have sex quickly with a new girlfriend and it never effects my respect for her. The simple answer here is that if he is really in to you he will be thinking about you none stop and therefore texting, calling, emailing etc... at least a few times a day. If 2 people both like each other they want to be where the other person is as much as life permits. Now if you see each other often and have sex often I do not think that is a big factor. What matters is how often does he think about you and actions speak louder then words....Does he want to be with you and thinks about you non stop? If not then he is not that in to you.
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Unread November 4th, 2008, 12:42 AM   #18
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

I see you want to break up now with him. You have to just do it if that is what you want. It is not cool to date 2 people at once. My girlfriend is doing that too me and it is killing me. But she has been dating him longer so I am the jonny come lately so I have weird conflict going on right now. If it was not for the great sex I get with her I would not be able to handle this shit. She is falling in love with me but slow to dump the other guy.
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Unread November 4th, 2008, 04:43 PM   #19
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Default Re: Is The Guy Im Dating Just Using me?

You should just be blunt with him, like he is being blunt with you. If you want to break it off, you are not doing him any favors by not telling him so. Just get it over with.
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