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Unread July 27th, 2008, 04:11 PM   #1
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Default What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

Internet pornography is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a "normal guy thing"? Here's what Dr. Phil believes:


It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.


Consider how it makes your partner feel. If it makes your partner feel ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate, then it needs to stop. If it is eroding your relationship, it's gone too far.


Pornography isn't real, it's a fantasy. It's makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal.


Viewing Internet pornography or engaging in cybersex is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.


You need to tell your partner that viewing pornography is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable in your relationship. Draw a line: Your partner needs to choose between the pornography or the relationship.

Ask yourself or your partner:


Would you do it with your partner standing right there?


Are you turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship? You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so find out if you or your partner have a problem.


Do you justify the behavior by saying, "It's harmless," "Everyone does it," or "It's just the Internet"?


Does it intrude on your relationship?


Which is more important: pornography or your relationship?
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 04:15 PM   #2
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

Honestly, I don't care what Dr. Phil has to say about anything really. If he thinks I should listen to him, then fuck him.

Women who shoot porn make the choice to do it. Also, I'm not in a relationship.

But I don't think it's cheating...it's masturbation. Big difference in my opinion.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 04:17 PM   #3
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

Honestly... I'm just trying to form an opinion. Next.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 04:24 PM   #4
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

i could see where "cybersex" could be considering cheating. but internet porn is no different than getting a VHS back in the day before the web. on the other hand if it does make your partner feel bad than it can be an issue you would have to take into account. ill put a porn on right in front of my girlfriend but she likes it. either way i wouldnt really care.

dr phil is drawing a fine line, if your looking at internet porn to jerk off and thats wrong, is it wrong to jerk off and think about someone else than ur SO? i mean you can come to that conclusion but it isnt very realistic.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 04:48 PM   #5
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

I think it's cheating. I think it's sex.

It's two consenting adults engaging in sexual activity. She's making it to get him off (or because she's broke).. He's watching her to get off.

I don't care that it's pixels or "just the internet". To me.. that's a real girl that he's taken sexual interest in and is finding pleasure in.

Only a few hundred years ago society allowed men to have mistresses and hired whores and it was just something that "all men did". This is the modern revolution of accepted cheating. This is freemason and disgusting. Seriously.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 04:55 PM   #6
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

by that line of reasoning i would suspect you would consider a guy having a playboy cheating. i mean i really disagree but there's no way i can change your opinion on the matter.

i really hate ketchup. i would break up with a girl if she put insisted on putting ketchup on my food so in that fashion i can understand where your coming from but i guess the distinction for is that you consider the jerking off act, an act of sex. in that case i was getting sex like 3 times a day when i was younger lol.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 05:03 PM   #7
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

I would beat him with the magazine. Not a word of a lie.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 05:39 PM   #8
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

well aslong as your putting it down sexually and excitingly i can see the merit in your position. but sometimes a guy just needs to jerk off, even if your watching a pg13 movie.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 08:21 PM   #9
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

If dr. Phil said it, then it MUST be true/insightful

He may be looked upon as some sort of authority on relationships, but that's basically his opinion, plain and simple. I think a girl who is into porn is quite kinky, and maybe, just maybe, she has learned a few moves that'll keep things interesting.

The big thing with porn is the question of emotions involved. When a guy watches porn, there's no emotional connection going on. It's strictly animal pleasure. Nothing else. He's not "falling for" the porn star. He's also not going out and banging her. It's strictly a release.

If you think porn is cheating, I think it follows that masturbation without porn is also cheating. And frankly, people have different sex drives at different times in their lives, and sometimes, you need to even things out for the sake of sanity. To me, it really comes down to not being dishonest about it. I view the occasional porn, and I'm not going to apologize for it.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 08:34 PM   #10
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

I think there are two kinds of people who typically oppose pornography:

1. Those who have genuine moral concerns/grievances with porn and the adult industry at large. These people tend to talk about social expectation and gender roles, self-esteem, fantasy, and the psychology of fidelity.

2. Those who use hastily-constructed morality to justify their pre-existing fears. These people talk about how sinful/pathetic/disgusting/stupid porn is.

In my opinion you can usually tell the two apart by one factor alone: emotive language. When someone is becoming unnecessarily hostile and emotional, it's rare that their position is based on logic or morality. When this occurs, I perceive a fear-reaction.

My two cents.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 08:40 PM   #11
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

Pornography is what you make of it, as far as I am concerned.

If it's used in secret, then it might be a problem. Problem as in, there's obviously something missing in the relationship. Either the sexual chemistry necessary for a gratifying sexual relationship or the trust and openness to discuss using pornography in a mutually agreeable manner. Secrets are never good in a relationship, and pornography is no exception.

As far as cheating....eh. I admit, in my younger days when I was far more insecure in myself and my relationship, I had fits of thinking that porn was cheating, and that my bf should never ever use it etc etc..... Now, 9 years into the relationship and a hell of a lot better at communicating our needs, desires, fantasies, and far more comfortable with our sexuality, we use pornography and sex toys to enhance the chemistry that is already there. More than 50% of the time, it's *my* idea to add some porn into the mix. As adults, I feel that if both of us can use it together, and use it with maturity and without insecurity, then it's ok. It helps us sometimes to keep the sex fresh, to give us ideas, or even just to help one of us get off when we're just having sex for the animalistic pleasure of it (after all...it's not always aout the flowers and foreplay, right? Lol)

So while I may agree with "Dr." Phil on many issues, this is one where we differ. I don't think porn equates to cheating. Especially when it is used between consenting adults, and when it's used as an accent or enhancement rather than a replacement.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 08:43 PM   #12
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

I think it all depends on you're SO. If they have a problem with it then maybe try other options.

Honestly though, porn is a fantasy that enables you to release. It's just a visual aid and if that's cheating then so is wakin off fantasizing about someone other then you’re SO.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 08:49 PM   #13
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

Also, just my opinion of course, Dr. Phil is Douche!!!

Please correct me if I'm wrong since I have no proof of this, just word of mouth, but I heard that Dr. Phil cheated and left his wife when she was pregnant. This was before he was on Oprah. Since then they have gotten back together? I don't know just heard it somewhere.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 09:06 PM   #14
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

See..

Everyone keeps going on and on about a release.... Are we that basic? Also... can you not get this release with out porn? Obviously you can.

Why is it alright to indulge one of our senses and not the others? Why is the line drawn at visual? Visual is not cheating however touching would be.. tasting would be..

I think it's cheating.

I don't think it's sinful.. I'm not religious.. My thing against porn is how miniscule it is. It's a distraction from the important things (much like consumerism) .. and if that's how my boyfriend chooses to spend hours of his time then I can't respect his intelligence.

Nuff said.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 09:30 PM   #15
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

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Originally Posted by elledlux View Post
It's a distraction from the important things (much like consumerism) .. and if that's how my boyfriend chooses to spend hours of his time then I can't respect his intelligence.

Nuff said.
Honestly if you're bf spends hours doing this then he obviously has a problem.

I don't see what watching porn has to do with intelligence. If you cannot respect him then why are you even with him?
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 11:04 PM   #16
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

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I would beat him with the magazine. Not a word of a lie.
Haha. I did that to the ex husband. We had a really fucked up relationship.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 11:12 PM   #17
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

I seriously doubt Dr. Phil said that all porn-watching is cheating. What I suggest you draw some limited statements from is an episode where he was probably dealing with people who were addicted. As in, it was affecting lots of personal relationships, lots of time, lots of money.

The definition of both addiction and perversion is based on statistics. And casual porn-watching, and even a moderate amount of porn, is overwhelmingly common.

Did he deceive you? Is he doing it because he has a higher sex drive than you? Can you work through it, where he doesn't get to look at it but he gets some form of substitution (pictures, you two taping yourselves, etc.) so that you won't feel so insecure about this behavior? Is this a dealbreaker?

You really need to think these things through before you keep posting angry posts on here about the same topic. You don't seem to be looking for advice but to yell at people who had nothing to do with this issue.
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 11:17 PM   #18
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

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If you cannot respect him then why are you even with him?
This is the bottom line. If you decide to stay and see where the relationship goes and if he can abstain then you need see if you can rebuild the trust and respect for him. My father always taught me that if you can't respect someone then the relationship will never work. Sometimes love wanes, but if you respect that person then you will stick around until you fall in love with them again.....

Then again, it seems that if you love someone then you may stay around long enough to respect them again....

Right now you are hurt and angry. Try not to decide anything for a few days. Wait until you cool down and then think about the pros/cons of the relationship. Is the relationship worth letting him get this one time get out of jail free card?

I just dealt with the porn issue about two or three months ago with my husband and I was a few months pregnant at the time and it was damn tough. If I hadn't been pregnant then I more than likely would have left. I've always had very strict principles and swallowed mine to see where this relationship was going from that point. It has been damn hard sometimes, but things are getting better. There are a lot of pros going for my relationship though. If it wasn't as good as it was then I wouldn't have given it another chance either. I also regarded this fella as my soul mate. The love has died a bit, but it is getting easier to trust and love him again.

That perfect man you're looking for doesn't exist. But that nearly perfect guy that's sitting in the other room may be what you really need and want...
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Unread July 27th, 2008, 11:42 PM   #19
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

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Originally Posted by elledlux View Post
See..

Everyone keeps going on and on about a release.... Are we that basic? Also... can you not get this release with out porn? Obviously you can.

Why is it alright to indulge one of our senses and not the others? Why is the line drawn at visual? Visual is not cheating however touching would be.. tasting would be..

I think it's cheating.
<rant>
a) guys are visual creatures - we need visual material for release, why do you think there are thousands of different websites and magazines for guys and not for girls? why? Girls (from what I have researched) tend to get off with things like erotic fiction more than pictures. - yeah you can get release with porn, but whats to stop your guy from mentally undressing that hot chick from the beach or a scene from a movie with a tit-shot. NOTHING.
Porn just makes it easier
b) Visual stimulation is how we work. We're not gonna get aroused if you give us the smell of a 3 day old dead fish and TELL us it's a vagina.

Anything past looking would be. and looking at a girl on the internet or in a magazine is far less innappropriate then looking at a stripper because they would be in your presence

You came here looking for an opinion but your other posts have already been judgemental and you've already made up your mind. You made up your mind before you even posted, now you're just trolling and flaming.

Grow up or GTFO. </rant>

To add to this a line from the simpsons. It's the episode where Krusty is a tax fraud and they're auctioning all Krusty's stuff

Auctioneer: Next item up for bid. 32 cartons of pornography
Jasper: 10 cents!
Phone bidder: 12 cents!
Auctioneer: 12 cents from the bidder in Japan
Jasper: aww, all i brought was a dime. i didn't know there'd be pornography

Porn is everywhere, it's even in the unedited versions of the Simpsons, a kids cartoon.
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Unread July 28th, 2008, 12:56 AM   #20
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Default Re: What Dr. Phil had to say about Porn and cheating.

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Are we that basic?
This is really interesting. I think that while we're quite sophisticated (whatever that means - yay for opposable thumbs or something), that doesn't mean we're not still basic mammals. We're mammals who have learned how to communicate and therefore not have to store everything we know in our conscious minds. We've developed language. We're pretty brilliant, but below that brilliance is still a basic mammal.

I'm a proponent of embracing who we are. All of it. And we ARE animals. After mice and dolphins, we are the smartest animals on the planet.

Are we that basic? In some aspects... well, yes. Now, if "sophistication" in this case, is a euphemism for "lying to ourselves about who we are," then I'm not buying.
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