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Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

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Unread January 26th, 2008, 01:29 AM   #1
boarderboy
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Default My ex is messing with my head! Need advice!!!

First of all, thanks for reading.

My girlfriend, well ex, is messing with me i think. We were together for 3 months and things were going great - i was starting to fall for her until i read an email she sent to a close guy friend of hers (i think they may have dated in the past?) telling him her heart aches for him, she knows they will be together again someday, she loves him more than she ever will anyone.. I was pissed off about it mega time, so confronted her and she said he was like her brother.. it was complicated, she cried and told me she was sorry but that the feelings she said she had for me were true and real. We mutually agreed to break up. This is where the problems start. I panicked and told her i wanted her back.
We ended it about 3 weeks ago, cos she said she needed time alone to sort her life out, personal issues, mental issues etc - she couldn't make up her mind about whether she wanted to be with me or not so i gave her an ultimatum and she opted out.
I freaked out and sent her mega loads of txts and calls which freaked her out cos i was too 'intense' she said. Anywayz.. she was ignoring me whenever i txtd her etc. then one day after ignoring her txts and calls, trying to forget - i see her and tell her im over her and the whole situation (which i guess im not - trying to be strong hehe) then she starts telling me to stop ignoring her, txting me lots and telling me she misses me.
Finally she finds out that a few days ago i was with this other girl, out of misery and drunkeness mind. And she freaks out!
My phn was ringing off the hook, and she starts txtn me saying she cant cope, its hurting her so much, she wants to fix things, she needs to see me, shes in love with me u know.. like really intense stuff.
So i went round to see her because secretly i would love to patch things up with her, she tells me she's made up her mind, and thinks she's made a big mistake in letting me go and that she loves me. Then after i tell her i still have feelings for her and still want her back she switches to .. oh umm you've been with another girl, i couldn't even kiss you the same anymore, i just need to get over you. What the!?
So we left it at that, i felt so low again after seeing her it brought back all these feelings.. u know how it is.
So i txt her telling her i miss her and wanna get back together she sends me back stuff saying 'you've been with someone else, i cant handle it' then asks if i've got any dvds, i say yeah and she says oh well i would probably be too tired to watch them. Ugh. She ignores the txts i send saying 'we were so good together, it was awesome, i want you back dont you feel the same?' And just says night x. She's told me we had the perfect relationship, so i dont get whats going on with her. Is she deliberately doing this? Like, when i dont give her any attention she wants it, when she thinks she cant have me, she wants me and freaks out mega time telling me all that stuff. Then when i tell her i still want her too she rejects me.. just when i was starting to get over it. I dont understand. Its like she builds me up to bring me down. Is she playing games with me, or are all girls like this. I have never been this messed up by a girl before. I would just let go and get over it, but i like her so much and as long as she keeps sending me mixed messages like she does, always backwards and forwards i'll keep clinging to the hope that it might happen. Agh.
I started ignoring her again, and without a doubt she started txting me and calling me lots telling me she needed me back. I let a full day pass without contacting her then called her and asked her what the hell was going on.. i was mid-way through explaining how this was damaging me, not being able to move on or be with her.. and she cut me off with 'come over now.'
So i went over there, straight away she was hugging me and clinging to me, telling me how good it felt. We talked about things, didn't sleep together, because she said she couldnt because i had been with another girl and it wouldnt feel right but that she would be able to and wanted to get past that soon. She was being extremely affectionate. I thought from that moment we were back together!? She even whispered at one point 'i love you' and when i said what? She said dont worry. She clung to me the whole night, when i got up to leave for work in the morning she gave me a huge hug - told me she would txt me (cos she was going away for the weekend) but then never did.. that was two days ago and i haven't heard from her.. she's back tomorrow but ignoring the couple of txts i sent her. When we were going out, she was always txting me, fun, happy, silly txts.. I dont understand.

Is she just using me to feel better about herself?? What is happening here??
I really need some advice. I just want to understand. Is she doing this deliberately or not?

Sorry for the length of this post. And i appreciate your time
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Unread January 26th, 2008, 10:00 AM   #2
DevilDog
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Default Re: My ex is messing with my head! Need advice!!!

She's not using you. Or at least not intentionally. She just has no clue what she wants. But you know what? You don't have to date someone who doensn't have any frigging clue what she wants. Date someone else. Why be with someone who is going to make you miserable?

She isn't going to give up this other guy. She was activley seeking him out while with you, and doing so behind your back. That, my friend, is all you need to know...
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Unread January 26th, 2008, 11:14 AM   #3
jasontflaco
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Default Re: My ex is messing with my head! Need advice!!!

yea ive been there, u just need to do what i did,... just dont communicate or be around her or talk to her like u used to a simple wussup...go on about ur own business and if not feeling lie ure over it , make it appear as if u are and that its w/e to u and that ur alright...and theyll come back eventually but dont take her back until u are 110% sure shes over the other guy which sounds like it would be awhile, but u know what if it does ull find someone in the meantime most likely
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Unread January 26th, 2008, 12:05 PM   #4
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Default Re: My ex is messing with my head! Need advice!!!

If you're going to look at this story and try to analyze it, I'd say ignore the silly "oh noes, she didn't respond to my txts while on vacation"...

Isn't it neat how it's only when you're not being clingy and needy that she's attracted to you? I hope you learned your lesson. ALWAYS be willing to walk away from a non-working relationship. Even if she misses a beat and doesn't text you for *gasp* TWO WHOLE DAYS... don't go crazy and start worrying that you've lost her again and all that. That's a bad frame of mind, because you're viewing her as the prize, when you should see it the other way around.

As a general rule, don't let her bs bother you. Roll with it, have a good time, and if the relationship is anything less than what you want and deserve, then walk away, knowing that you're the winner for cutting loose a bad burden.
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Unread January 26th, 2008, 06:06 PM   #5
boarderboy
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Default Re: My ex is messing with my head! Need advice!!!

Thanks for your replies guys.
I didn't mention that she was actually going home for the weekend, a three hour drive which is where this other guy she emailed lives.
While we were together he was in another country and she never went home.
She was there two weeks ago and now she's back up there again.
I sent her a msg last night asking her what was going on but she didn't reply.
I tried calling twice but the phone just rang out, third time she had switched it off and went straight to voicemail. Argh!!!
I was drunk and sent her a msg saying thanks for messing with me, i dont wanna know you, we are not even friends.
Thats it as far as im concerned. I kinda regret sending her that but figure it may be for the best..
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