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Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

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Unread October 21st, 2006, 06:12 PM   #1
missmebaby
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Default does NC push the dumper away???

ok i was wondering if the dumpee does NC, does this actually push the dumper away and help them get over you and forget about you?

my ex boyfriend and I were together for a year. Our relationship definitely had its ups and downs with him cheating on me, and we broke up once for a couple weeks 7 months ago but then he came back because he said he missed me and thought about me all the time. (we stayed in complete contact during that time. i called him every day.) but most of our relationship was absolutely amazing and we were both very happy and loved each other and loved spending all our time together. well he broke up with me again over 2 months ago because we were fighting alot, he was getting kind of sick of me, and said he just wanted to be single for awhile and go out with his friends. i am devastated. i really thought this was the man i was going to marry someday, even though we are only 20 and 22 years old. at first i cried, begged, and did everything i could to get him back. we were still talking everyday and hanging out sometimes and things were going good again for about a week, then he started changing his mind about what he wanted every other day. one day he said he wanted to keep trying to get back together, the next day he didnt. he was also very very jealous whenever i went out with my friends and would pick a fight with me and say that i just wanted to meet other guys.

one night i got really sick of it and got pretty mad and we had a fight and i left his house without saying anything to him. he called me 10 mins later but i didnt answer. i waited till the next day to call him back and he said that he wanted us to take a break and stop seeing each other and hanging out because obviously things werent working. he said maybe it would make him realize that he misses me and wants to be with me. the next night he called me and i was out with my friends so i didnt answer. he left me a voicemail and was kind of sarcastic and mean saying he knew i was just probly out partying and to call him back. i didnt call him back so 15 mins later i recieve a text message that says "what are you up to?" i waited about 20 mins and text him back saying only "in akron." he text me back right away saying "call me if you're not too busy." well i didnt call him back so 15 mins later he text me again saying "i take it you're not gonna call me." well i waited about another 15 mins and i called him back. i was at a party and it was loud so i didnt talk to him very long and when i did i was kind of short and cold with him because i wanted to give him the idea i was having a good time without him. well he got mad and ended up hanging up on me because i didnt want to talk to him. 2 mins later i receive a text from him that says "yea you really care about us, i see what you really care about." (meaning other guys and partying.) well i just ignored until the next day when i text him back saying "you see what i really care about?? we're on a break remember? im just having a good time." he called me right away and asked me a million questions about what i did last night and if i met any guys. well i was cold with him again and was getting kind of mad because he was asking me all these questions so he said he had to go and hung up on me. right then and there i decided to go NC. i figured from the way he was acting he would definitely call me in a day or two. well its been exactly a week and i havent heard from him at all. did i ruin our chances of getting back together by doing NC? i guess what my real question is: does no contact with a dumper make them miss you and make them realize all the good things about you and sort out their feelings or does it just push them away and help them to get over you and forget about you?? im thinking about calling him in a couple days and having a friendly conversation with him and i was wondering what i should expect from him.
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Unread October 21st, 2006, 06:44 PM   #2
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Default Re: does NC push the dumper away???

Does NC = No Contact or something? Just because it's a new post, nobody's gonna change their opinions. In fact, I *hope* you ruined all chances of getting back together with him. Just cut him out of your life and start moving on for real, is what I think comes next.
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Unread October 21st, 2006, 11:20 PM   #3
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Default Re: does NC push the dumper away???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kuky
Does NC = No Contact or something?
yeah, what's with the fucking acronyms?
spell the whole fucking words!

seriously, I have no idea what NC means, but in the context of "if the dumpee does NC, does this actually push the dumper " I thought it meant Nasty Crap. Serisouly. For real.
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Unread October 22nd, 2006, 01:54 AM   #4
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Default Re: does NC push the dumper away???

Wow, you guys are probably smarter than me. My guess was NC was like a drug or something like XTC.
No commitment?
Not contradicting?
Namely Continental?
Neat Calls?
Never Contimplate?
Nasty Copulation?
Next Criminal?
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Unread October 22nd, 2006, 02:54 AM   #5
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Default Re: does NC push the dumper away???

"does no contact with a dumper make them miss you and make them realize all the good things about you and sort out their feelings or does it just push them away and help them to get over you and forget about you??"

i said it right there in my post people! dont get an attitude with me, every other relationship forum uses NC and knows exactly what it means....or can at least read and figure it out, ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS RIGHT THERE IN MY POST. sorry i didnt know this was some kind of mentally challenged relationship forum.
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Unread October 22nd, 2006, 10:28 AM   #6
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Default Re: does NC push the dumper away???

Sigh... People never change.

I for one had no idea what NC meant, and I thought you were reffering to NCsoft, the company that made GuildWars and other computer games. Then I thought it was a state somewhere in the US, and since I'm canadian I couldn't think of it straight away.

Oh well, looks like I'm mentally challenged... Why use euphemisms when you're trying to offend though? Now that's a better question than the original post!
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Unread October 22nd, 2006, 12:46 PM   #7
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Default Re: does NC push the dumper away???

Quote:
Originally Posted by missmebaby
every other relationship forum uses NC and knows exactly what it means....or can at least read and figure it out, ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS RIGHT THERE IN MY POST. sorry i didnt know this was some kind of mentally challenged relationship forum.
Yeah, it's right there in the last 3 lines!

I don't see how not knowing what some abbreviation means translates to "mentally challenged". First of all, have the mineral to say "retarded"; using a euphemism makes a flame softer than the balls of a nice guy who finished last. Secondly, if you go to a real-life therapist or something, do you think THEY will know what the hell "NC" means? Try using NC in a sentence out loud, and notice how "mentally challenged" it sounds.

While it's true that people are snapping at you for apparently little reason, I'm sure it's more about built-up annoyance that this is your fourth or so post asking if you should get back with your ex, and essentially tips for doing it, when the last three were pretty conclusively ended with "leave that jackass out of your life".

Now you don't have to TAKE that advice. I'm sure the high school geniuses on the other sites who know what NC means are telling you to play dumb high school games to make him jealous (it sounds like it, because I'm positive nobody here replied saying "u shud play cell phone games and do NC 2 make him J lolol!!111eleventyonex0r" J stands for jealous, and it's mentally challenged not to know that.

The rule is, take all advice with a grain of salt. Nobody on the net can be held accountable if they give you bad advice and it ruins your life (though I'm sure many americans would love to sue over it). That being said, it's easy to lean towards the advice of least resistance (i.e. get back together with this cheating loser who will NOT change no matter how he spins it). It's all up to you, and to be honest, nobody, online or otherwise, will lose sleep over what you end up doing.
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Unread October 22nd, 2006, 01:20 PM   #8
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Default Re: does NC push the dumper away???

hahah tamas.. still got the way with words.


as for the original post.. haven't you thought you've wasted enough of your energy (especially emotionally), your time and space? haven't you wasted enough of your tears? you could've done so much more if you hadn't wasted your time.

and yes, no contact does push the dumper away. generally and usually. there are always exceptions to every rule though, so i can't say that having no contact will always push the dumper away.
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Unread October 22nd, 2006, 10:53 PM   #9
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Default Re: does NC push the dumper away???

I dunno really what to tell you. I also took it as a no calling/contact thing, but what's the question?

Yes not calling them and what not probably lets everyone get over everyone easier but sometimes it's a space issue that mends itself too.
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Unread October 23rd, 2006, 10:16 PM   #10
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Default Re: does NC push the dumper away???

Wow guys, no need to be so harsh, you can ask what NC means without swearing.

No contact is only one form of dealing with relationship issues. If you only use this one thing to solve all your problems, it will not work. NC gives either person time apart from each other to figure things out, it is not something you do to make them jealous.

You are playing games and trying to make this guy jealous. I think you both need to mature a bit before anything more happens in your life.

All you needed to do is tell him how you felt, what you wanted, and what you expect from him. The way you both are acting I think you should keep away from each other.
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Unread October 23rd, 2006, 11:14 PM   #11
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Default Re: does NC push the dumper away???

Personally I think games are typical at this age. I play them, everyone I know plays them and when feelings are on the table theres nothing you won't do. It's like throwing 100k on a poker table and asking people not to play and if they absolutely have to that they don't do what it takes. Whether it be false hope or just a speckle of light in the sky, she's still playing. The problem is, the cards are gonna get dealt as long as your sitting down, and you don't have what it takes to by yourself back in.

The whole no contace thing isn't an offensive strategy that gets people back. There's nothing you can do to get them back. When you say what you say, it's really their choice. If you've had a fight or something that you can do to legitimately change the person's mind then thats one thing but that's only because they've been forced out. When they wanna leave, theres nothing you can do. And if you can, it doesn't last. So essentially not calling isn't an offensive win them back manuever, it's all you can do to give them time, maybe make them see that your not clangy or whatever. Not calling is just a much more classy response to a breakup then calling and begging.

I just want to interject a little young guy opinion here. I'm not saying i'm anything like the guy, (I assume I am because of how you describe him) but if you were my ex-girlfriend i'd really be on cloud nine because i'd have to so strung around my finger you wouldn't even see it coming. Trust me missme, look at this outside the box, this guy is just toying with you, and your letting him do it!
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Unread October 24th, 2006, 05:23 PM   #12
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Default Re: does NC push the dumper away???

I thought NC was some kind of drug
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