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Unread September 24th, 2013, 02:36 AM   #1
Echoes
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Default Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

Hello all. Is it normal for men to cry much when they've screwed up their friendship with a female.

Okay, I feel like a wuss, but for the past 3 days, tears have been brought to my eyes several times a day as I think of how I messed up, of how I miss the friendship -- saying something when I was angry instead of controlling my emotions. Us guys aren't too smart sometimes.

So for 3 days now, not any communication from her. Understandable. And I keep moping around, tears occasionally spilling over. I really miss the friendship.

Do other guys do this?

To put this into some context, I'm in the 40's and she's in the 30's.
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Unread September 24th, 2013, 02:59 AM   #2
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

Well I may have a few years on you but you're right were not too smart sometimes, but by 40 we don't cry over that kind of stuff.
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Unread September 24th, 2013, 08:21 AM   #3
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

Depends, is this truly a freind? Or was it a girl you were trying to sleep with? If it was a freind then yes you should not be crying. If it was a potential mate well then I could see shearing a tear or two. Lol
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Unread September 24th, 2013, 12:47 PM   #4
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

Hello. No, she is/was actually a good friend. Not trying to sleep with her. She's married and I'm good friends with her husband also. He's fully aware of what's going on, and he hopes things get patched up.
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Unread September 24th, 2013, 02:37 PM   #5
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Echoes View Post
Hello all. Is it normal for men to cry much when they've screwed up their friendship with a female.

Okay, I feel like a wuss, but for the past 3 days, tears have been brought to my eyes several times a day as I think of how I messed up, of how I miss the friendship -- saying something when I was angry instead of controlling my emotions. Us guys aren't too smart sometimes.

So for 3 days now, not any communication from her. Understandable. And I keep moping around, tears occasionally spilling over. I really miss the friendship.

Do other guys do this?

To put this into some context, I'm in the 40's and she's in the 30's.
To put it context if you were my husband: If my husband was shedding tears over a lost female friendship then I would think the same thing I thing about you... that you're just pretending this is a simple frienship but in reality, you're having an emotional affair with this so called female friend.

If my husband cried because another female hadn't called him in three days, or if my husband talked to his female friend everyday, then I'd let him have her.

What made her mad at you to the point that she has cut the cord that you have so attached to her?
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Unread September 24th, 2013, 02:53 PM   #6
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

I was angry and said something mean. Yeah, too late to take back words. I'm not sad that we haven't talked in 3 days. At least not directly. Upset that I said this in the first place and let emotions get better of me. I have a very guilty conscience and don't feel good about it naturally, since it probably ruined friendship.
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Unread September 24th, 2013, 03:00 PM   #7
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

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Originally Posted by Echoes View Post
I was angry and said something mean. Yeah, too late to take back words. I'm not sad that we haven't talked in 3 days. At least not directly. Upset that I said this in the first place and let emotions get better of me. I have a very guilty conscience and don't feel good about it naturally, since it probably ruined friendship.
Why are you getting so angry at a friend? What could you have possibly said that would make her not talk to you for three days but her husband is hoping you work it out? It couldn't have been that bad if he's not telling you to fk off and leave her (them) alone.
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Unread September 24th, 2013, 05:31 PM   #8
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

Maybe he said that yes her bum does look big in that, and the husband secretly agreed.

I don't really get it either - I can't say I've ever fallen out with a friend over something said in anger and then worried it was irretrievable. That sort of thing is reserved for things were there are romantic feelings involved, in my experience.
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Unread September 24th, 2013, 05:46 PM   #9
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

I've just lost my best friend over something petty and neither of us is budging and frankly, I'm sick of her shit.
Things like being the third wheel when there were only two of us there...

So I walked off on her once and she hasn't spoken to me since in anything more than a work capacity.

I did not, I will not, shed a tear for this. I'm 30.
Then again, I've been fucked over by people so many times in the past, telling people to fuck off and cutting them out of my life is second nature to me.

Edit - I can see how some people may be hurt by the loss of a friendship. Do you find yourself emotional about other things? Do you cry in movies where it's typically not "manly" to cry?
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Unread September 24th, 2013, 10:25 PM   #10
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

I can't believe some of the responses. What do you mean there are some things you can discuss with your opposite-sex friends that you can't with your partner. Sorry, opposite-sex friends cannot exist when in a relationship. Biggest no no out there. It's cheating. Simple.
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Unread September 25th, 2013, 12:18 AM   #11
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

Hello. What was said in anger doesn't matter, but it's that I hurt the other person's feelings which is the critical issue.

I don't get emotional about other things, and certainly don't cry at movies. Although the movie Marley & Me was touch and go :-) I guess I'm just sad that that friendship is in danger because blurted out the first thing that came to mind, instead of keeping my mouth shut.
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Unread September 25th, 2013, 12:23 AM   #12
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

Hah it's funny you say that, I originally had said how I shed a tear with Marley and Me and in M*A*S*H when Henry died
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Unread September 25th, 2013, 01:06 AM   #13
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

Haha, I thought to mention Old Yeller also, but I actually haven't seen the movie.

phasesofthemoon and others: Thanks. You raised some good points and helped me snap out of it. Sure, I'm still damned sad at the situation, but none of these BS crying benders anymore.

Now maybe I can actually bowl a decent score with none of those distractions :-)
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Unread September 25th, 2013, 09:10 PM   #14
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

Why does the gender of your friend need to matter? My husband and I both have friends of both genders, and it's not because we're looking outside the relationship, it's because that's who we're drawn to.

I have to be completely honest here - I kind of hope that it's true that men are as broken up over truly fucking up a friendship as women are. Maybe that's just because in the past six months, I've been forced to walk away from two people who I had considered to be among my closest friends, and both times, I've felt like part of me died. It took me months to get to the point where I could even look at the first one again... the second one, it's much too soon to tell. (Sadly, both are also coworkers, so NC isn't always successful - we have a cafeteria, you know?) (Maybe sometime I'll get around to sharing those stories. No thread-hijacking, I promise.)

But let's all be honest - most men are not like that. There are some - my husband is actually one of them, and I've helped him through several friend-losses - but they're few and far between. (I've also spoken before about my husband's depression and anxiety issues, so, you know, take that as you will.) Most men shrug off their losses, or maybe vent in some other manner.

That you're this distraught over hurting your friend is what's making us question your motives, Echoes. It's certainly not standard-issue. If you're not harboring other feelings, then... what happened? Was it something that hits too close to home for you? Something you recognize as a fundamental violation? Did it change your view of yourself? (And have you considered the possibility that you're also grieving the loss of your sense of self, if that's the case?)
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Unread September 26th, 2013, 09:36 PM   #15
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

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Originally Posted by Lucid_Nuts View Post
I kind of hope that it's true that men are as broken up over truly fucking up a friendship as women are.
My comments previously were centered around the fact that this possible friendship loss was about a few angry words. How bad can it have been if the hubby is hoping they 'patch things up'?

I've never really experienced that with friends. Maybe I don't hang out with enough primadonnas. Can't say a friendship of mine has ever had me or them fuck it up to the point where I was left mourning a loss. Drift apart, yeah; gradually get sick of each other, yeah; down their pint and punch them in the face and laugh about it the next day, yeah.

When there is any degree of attraction (on either side), things are different in my experience. Things tend to blow up completely because of a few ill-chosen words or some trivial thing. This is probably why I don't tend to sustain friendships with women for very long... because, I think, women are probably more capable of having male friends who they are not attracted to, whereas men tend want to be friends with women who they would fuck in the right circumstances. I'm not saying I'd ignore a fatty who I totally got on with, but I'm really struggling to think of a girl I got on with that I wouldn't fuck (in the right circumstances). It's not deliberate or even conscious.

Hmm, thinking about it, I did ditch a female friend because the girl I was seeing, whom she was also friends with, was fucking someone behind my back, and the friend didn't tell me. I was quite upset about that, but it's difficult to separate it from the upset I felt about the other girl fucking around on me. I should have probably have cut her more slack, but then again, I would have fucked her too (in the right circumstances), so perhaps that's why I didn't.

I dunno, kinda lost track about what I'm on about.

Maybe that things are a lot more prone to blowing up when emotions are heightened a bit by there being some attraction involved.

Oh, memories coming back - I had a female friend who stayed at my place not long after I'd started seeing someone. Then she went and did her own thing for a few days, then told me she wanted to stay another night at mine. Girlfriend wasn't too happy about the idea, so I told her we could go out and shit, and I'd get her a hotel room. She didn't go out, took the money (tried to pay me back, but I refused) and never spoke to me again (except to offer to pay me back and to suggest I grow a spine).

I was upset about it but I didn't cry about it, even though she had been quite a close friend. But it also occurs to me that there wouldn't have been such a reaction from 'just' a friend. Friends inconvenienced by a friend's partner just roll their eyes, maybe have a laugh about them being under the thumb. Obviously she wanted more. And as I've said, being that she was a female friend of mine, I would of course have fucked her... in the right circumstances... perhaps my girlfriend was right to be worried (but nothing at all happened that first night). Kinda wish I had now, given how things with the girlfriend turned out in the end.

Quite often I cry at stupid shit, sentimental films, etc. I have wailed inconsolably after some breakups, in particular the dog girl that first brought me to these forums (ah, those were the days) - that was night after night.... and day. Christ, I'd find a quiet place at work to go cry, weeks after... maybe even months. I seem to have become worse the older I've got - don't remember shedding a single tear after my first major breakup. I did after the second, but I think that was mainly just one night, and maybe a bit the next. But yeah, what I was gonna say is that stuff in the middle (not some sentimental shite and not a full-on breakup) tends to just leave me a bit numb. Not saying this is normal.
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Unread September 29th, 2013, 12:13 AM   #16
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Default Re: Do men cry much over ruined friendships with opposite sex

I have never shed tears over a ruined friendship with a female, but I have never really 'lost' any friendships with females. The only thing that makes my glands leaky is a breakup.
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