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Unread June 4th, 2012, 09:36 PM   #1
chevybaby24
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Default Why doesn't he want to have sex or touch me anymore?

My boyfriend is 27 and I am 26 . We met 7 years ago and have been together off and on since then but on solid the past 2 years. Sex was always terrific and fun and we had sex almost everyday sometimes a few times a day.

The last year or so has just sucked, he never wants it anymore! I'm lucky to get it once a month and that is not an exaggeration. yes, I have tried to talk to him and tell him how I feel millions of times. Finally he went to the doctor last month and they put him on testosterone medicine. Still, he never wants sex.

I'm beginning to feel its just me he is bored with or underacted to. I don't know what to do. I told him how bad it hurts and makes me feel so unwanted and he just' don't get it. He gets angry with me that I keep bringing it up and saying I'm nagging him.

It's not just sexy, he doesn't ever want to cuddle in bed any more. He never wants to kiss. Everytime I try and kiss him its just a peck he pulls away when I try to french kiss him. yet, when i bring this up he just says I do not . He denies it. I've asked many times if he thinks we need a break or should break up if he wants someone else. what the deal is. He just says everything is fine and he loves me.

Why does he think everything is fine and I don't ? Why doesn't he ever want it and I always do. Is he gay? I don't get it???!!!
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Unread June 4th, 2012, 11:30 PM   #2
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Default Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex or touch me anymore?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chevybaby24 View Post
My boyfriend is 27 and I am 26 . We met 7 years ago and have been together off and on since then but on solid the past 2 years. Sex was always terrific and fun and we had sex almost everyday sometimes a few times a day.

The last year or so has just sucked, he never wants it anymore! I'm lucky to get it once a month and that is not an exaggeration. yes, I have tried to talk to him and tell him how I feel millions of times. Finally he went to the doctor last month and they put him on testosterone medicine. Still, he never wants sex.

I'm beginning to feel its just me he is bored with or underacted to. I don't know what to do. I told him how bad it hurts and makes me feel so unwanted and he just' don't get it. He gets angry with me that I keep bringing it up and saying I'm nagging him.

It's not just sexy, he doesn't ever want to cuddle in bed any more. He never wants to kiss. Everytime I try and kiss him its just a peck he pulls away when I try to french kiss him. yet, when i bring this up he just says I do not . He denies it. I've asked many times if he thinks we need a break or should break up if he wants someone else. what the deal is. He just says everything is fine and he loves me.

Why does he think everything is fine and I don't ? Why doesn't he ever want it and I always do. Is he gay? I don't get it???!!!
Don't ask him what's wrong. Tell him whats wrong. If you're not happy with the number of times a week you have sex, then for goodness sakes let him know. If you feel he's not been loving and/or nurturing enough and you're feeling neglected then tell him that too. If he stills says there is nothing wrong after you've told him what is wrong, well then you have someone who still isn't understanding that life is not grand as far as you're concerned and then tell him what would make it grand.

Spell.It.Out. so he understands how you are feeling and use lots of "I" words like:
"I" feel unattractive and neglected when I'm not getting any physical shows of affection from you."

"I" feel sad when "I" have to always initiate sex."

"I" feel unattractive when I'm turned down when I initiate."

Do you see? Do you realize that its up to You to communicate so that he gets whats going on in your head. Then it's up to the two of you to come up with a mutually agreeable solution to zee problemo.
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Last edited by phasesofthemoon; June 4th, 2012 at 11:37 PM..
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Unread June 4th, 2012, 11:41 PM   #3
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Default Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex or touch me anymore?

BTW: These two statements totally contradict one another
Quote:
but on solid the past 2 years.
Quote:
The last year or so has just sucked,
out of the two "solid" years you've had one of them sucked. Maybe you should just give up on this "on and off" crappy (farce of a?) relationship and find someone who you're not on a constant roller coaster ride of ups and downs with?
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Unread June 5th, 2012, 05:48 AM   #4
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Default Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex or touch me anymore?

I definitely think you need to be straightforward. Try not to take offense from this question, but is it possible you've let yourself go a bit in the last few years in terms of appearance? I'm sure this testosterone problem has something to do with it, but it's also true that some women sometimes start to care less about their appearance, such as wearing t-shirts more often, gaining weight, etc., which is pretty unattractive.

Not saying this is you, but since we only have your side of the story, we have to guess what might be his side.
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Unread June 5th, 2012, 09:01 AM   #5
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Default Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex or touch me anymore?

I could be in the minority here but I think that sometimes you have to look at all possible causes for this, including yourself (or the two of you together) as a potential cause. You should ask yourself what has changed between a year or two ago and now. Has your appearance changed? Has your attitude changed? Have your circumstances or his circumstances changed any (job, family, etc.). Sometimes there's a very distinct cause of the apparent disinterest in sexual contact and other times there isn't, at least not one that's easy to see.

Lots of things can cause a person not to want to be really intimate anymore. Arguing, feeling disrespected, feeling trapped, stress at work, etc. Heck, sometimes a guy (or girl) just needs a break. I'm not saying that you have any of those problems but I'm just giving examples. The reason I say this is because it's something I've experienced before. Aside from just not wanting to be sexually intimate, is there anything else unusual that he does?
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Unread June 5th, 2012, 03:44 PM   #6
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Default Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex or touch me anymore?

I want to thank everyone for the wonderful feedback! To be clear i have told him many times how i feel and he just doesnt get it. He tells me "oh knock it off" that is what i hear anytime i bring up anything that i feel. I also wrote him a letter to tell him thinkin maybe that would seem less nagging he didnt even bother to read it. so I guess that shows how little he cares.

Since I had a kid i guess i have let myself go a bit i do not wear make up all the time as i used to and i do wear tshirts most of the time rather then dressing pretty. i guess i didnt think that should matter but maybe it does.
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Unread June 5th, 2012, 05:33 PM   #7
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Default Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex or touch me anymore?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chevybaby24 View Post
I want to thank everyone for the wonderful feedback! To be clear i have told him many times how i feel and he just doesnt get it. He tells me "oh knock it off" that is what i hear anytime i bring up anything that i feel. I also wrote him a letter to tell him thinkin maybe that would seem less nagging he didnt even bother to read it. so I guess that shows how little he cares.

Since I had a kid i guess i have let myself go a bit i do not wear make up all the time as i used to and i do wear tshirts most of the time rather then dressing pretty. i guess i didnt think that should matter but maybe it does.
A successfull relationship requires effort. Constant effort on both peoples parts to keep everything going. It sounds to me like both of yall have been putting forth very little effort in selling yourselves in this relationship.
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Unread June 5th, 2012, 10:13 PM   #8
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Default Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex or touch me anymore?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chevybaby24 View Post
To be clear i have told him many times how i feel and he just doesnt get it. He tells me "oh knock it off" that is what i hear anytime i bring up anything that i feel. I also wrote him a letter to tell him thinkin maybe that would seem less nagging he didnt even bother to read it. so I guess that shows how little he cares.
He takes you for granted and he has absolutely no fear that you'll leave him so, he continues to take your being with him as a given. It's up to you to make him understand that it's not satisfactory and that you're thinking of leaving him if things continue as they are. It's important that you only tell him that if you MEAN WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. If you have no intentions of leaving him then I have to ask what is the point of this thread if you're willing to put up with his indifference, apathy and taking you for granted? You might consider couples councelling to get the emotional connection back that the two of you are lacking. Or; you might finally realize the futility of staying with this chump you've been ON AND OFF with for years. Maybe it's time to wave byebye?

Quote:
Since I had a kid i guess i have let myself go a bit i do not wear make up all the time as i used to and i do wear tshirts most of the time rather then dressing pretty. i guess i didnt think that should matter but maybe it does.
Why would you have a kid with someone that you've been off and on with? Or is the kid not his? If it isn't, then I would imagine that that would be part of the emotional disconect of someone too ignorant to take into consideration the concerns of the woman he's suppose to love. pffft.
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Unread June 6th, 2012, 08:31 AM   #9
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Default Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex or touch me anymore?

How you treat yourself (neglecting how you look) definitely wouldn't help him to feel attracted to you.

However if a doctor has put him on Testosterone treatment he may really not feel like sex. He may genuinely have no sex drive. He may feel that if he shows you affection or reciprocates a kiss or cuddle that you'll get you the wrong idea (that he wants to have sex). Did he have to have blood tests?

All I can suggest is you start making an effort to look attractive for him (and for yourself). Maybe consider seeing a sex therapist together or going back to the doctor. Whatever you decide you definitely should take phases suggestion about talking to him but using 'I' statements so that he doesn't feel like he's being attacked. Just approach it totally different to the way you would normally and see if he opens up a bit more.

Good Luck!
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Unread June 14th, 2012, 11:46 AM   #10
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Default Re: Why doesn't he want to have sex or touch me anymore?

also adding to Phases notation of using "I" at the start of sentances also make sure that you use "I feel" at the start of sentances regarding what he is doing wrong. if you just come out and say "you do this" or "you dont do this" its like pointing the finger and naturally gets people heated but if you say "I feel that this is happening" etc. it comes accross more subtle.

On a side note not saying this is your case but when i was pretty much done with my ex and wasnt in love with her anymore i did the same stuff he is doing to you. I loved her but wasnt in love. I didnt end it because i thought maybe it would change and mainly i didnt want to hurt her. just sayin. nagging for sex does get to a person after a while so the way you approach things should be changed.
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