Depression?

[Anenomone]

Hi all,

I'm not sure if this is an appropriate place to post but I am fairly certain that my partner is suffering from depression. He told me last night (just before he went to sleep) that he wishes he could go to sleep and never wake up. When I asked him about it today, he said that he often feels like that.

There are many problems in our relationship and we often talk about the issues and how to make things work but his negative attitude to everything in life is making it very difficult to improve things. I have tried to be understanding and have compromised on many issues.
I should also point out that he has OCD with regards to cleanliness, germs and any related thing and that he expects me to be at least a size 10 and preferably an 8 with a flat stomach, and dress in a certain way. I am a size 12 and willing to lose some weight for my own health benefits but not excessively. I also do not agree with his idea of how I should dress so have settled for a 50/50 compromise. He is borderline agrophobic and will not go out of the house if he can stay in although this tends to change according to the activity and who it is with.

He was on the Internet this morning and when I came down the stairs I saw him on a "how to write your last will and testament" page.
I have strongly suggested that he speak to someone for professional help but he does not appear to be particularly motivated to get help. He wants to "have things out" with his sister but that is not the only problem and knowing them both and their inability to communicate and listen to each other, I can't see that this will help matters.

I would really like him to get professional help but I cannot force him to go. He acknowledges that he has a problem but all he wants to know is why he is on this earth!

Does anyone have any insights or pearls of wisdom?
Many thanks

[Bath of Glitter]

How long have you been together? What do you get from having him as a boyfriend?

[Hardline]

Are yall religious? Do yall attend a good church?

[Goodfella68]

Yeah he sounds depressed but, like you say, with a few issues on top. If he was straight down depressed he wouldn't care about extreme cleanliness or your look; he just wouldn't care.

Definitely way too controlling. Size 12 isn't exaclty big is it. Next time he mentions it insist that he goes to the gym, which isn't a bad idea cos exercise is a good way to combat depression.

If he's looking at those type of sites you may have to insist on him getting help, and you taking him. Depression is such a debilitating disease, he could be that low he doesn't even have the will to ask.
And this is affecting your happiness. So you taking charge will make your life better too.

[Anenomone]

Thanks all for the responses. I have tried getting him to go and see someone but he is like a brick wall and refuses. On the other hand he is fine when things are as he wants them. In any case the evolution is such that I have decided that I need to move on.
Since my first post, I discovered him crying on the couch at 1am over a close family friend who has "shut him out" and "no longer pays him any attention". Because of this he decided that he wanted to die and had looked for the pills but couldn't find any suitable. I would point out that there are enough pills in the house to open a pharmacy!! The close friend is male and has recently moved 3 hours away from us. He is much younger and obviously living the life of a young single guy, having fun etc.

In truth the only two people who appear to have any importance for him are this "friend" who moved away and an overseas friend who died from cancer just over 2 years ago. Everything revolves around what these people would say or do.

All of this kicked off just before I started working again after being at home for months and therefore always present and available. Now he always wants to know when I am working (something I never know until the last minute as I do fill in work) and if I plan to go anywhere, when, where and with who. I am starting to feel like I live in a prison so its time to break out and be free!

[Dagwood]

Depression is usually anger directed inwards. He is likely beating himself up over something, and needs to let go, forgive, or accepted these negative things.

He should start seeing a psychologist. He needs unbiased help.

[Anenomone]

I agree and this is what I have been saying to him but he doesn't appear to want the help. He is convinced that everyone around him is in the wrong and that he is misunderstood. He has stopped eating proper meals in order to lose weight so that "everyone realises that something is wrong". Now he is having trouble eating properly again. I don't know how many different ways there are to convince someone that they need professionel help but I'm pretty sure I have tried most of them.
I am going to talk to his parents to see if they can breakthrough where I have been unable to.

[Dagwood]

If it gets really bad then you just call professional help with or without his consent.