Do you need your potential partner to challenge you?

Benjamin1 · April 12th, 2012, 04:22 PM

When looking for a new partner, I sometimes feel the need to be challenged.
Like, have her coming for a rich family, or working on her Bachelors + having a decent job, etc.
While all I actually look for is someone with a good character (loyal, honest, educated with a job), and a of course some kind of physical attraction.

There's this new girl who comes from a lower class family, and isn't that beautiful, but she's a very good person, she works hard for her money, and likes studying, seems like a faithful person.

I just don't know if I even wanna have a first date with her.

You feel what I'm saying?
Does it make sense?

Drewcious281 · April 12th, 2012, 04:42 PM

Everyone has thier standards. I have some strict ass standards myself but if you like her and can see having feeling for her than why not atleast casually date her. Doesnt mean you have to marry her or start a relationship. Dont hold back just because she isnt 100% in your standards but at the same time dont go for it if you know nothing can come of it. Dont waste her or your time.

Dagwood · April 12th, 2012, 04:42 PM

I am not sure what you mean by the need to be challenged? Are you saying you feel like you need to be with girls who are rich and have a decent education?

I think you contradicted yourself, I would need better clarification before providing an opinion.

Benjamin1 · April 12th, 2012, 05:13 PM

Hi,
Please let me explain.

The last girl I was in relationship with (we're now in the "getting it over" stage, I'm waiting for her to come back from a family vacation), is rich, good looking, she has a very decent job and she works on her BA.
That really impressed me, and despite the fact that I suspected she's not a loyal person, I stayed with her, partially because of these virtues of her.
That "challenged" me, dating such girl.

However, the new girl comes from a lower class family, doesn't have a job to be proud of, and isn't that beautiful, but she has a very good character.
I don’t feel that challenged to "go and get her".

You see what I mean?

stasia · April 12th, 2012, 06:59 PM

Having money and working on a degree aren't virtues but having good character is. Youre backward. Just wait till you find a girl you actually feel like going after.

janes · April 12th, 2012, 07:31 PM

i care about those things just to the point where he isn't a bum and he actually has some plans for the future. i don't care if he has a degree or not. being comfortable around each other and being able to have fun is more important than how successful your partner is. i'm married to a pretty ambitious man and i love that about him, but it's not a requirement i would set. in the end what gets you through is whether you're compatible emotionally and physically.

Dagwood · April 12th, 2012, 07:51 PM

You can't appreciate a person's character until you go through some shitty relationships. My first girlfriend was smokin' hot, but holy crap was she f'd up. My second girlfriend was more lower class family, decent job, but no self esteem and a negative personality. An improvement, but not quite there.

You're so called virtues are actually materials. Impressed by a rich family? How do you come to that conclusion??? She did nothing but become born. It may be fun to have flings with these type of people or non-serious relationships, but money and a good job are not going to buy energy, love and affection for you. Those are bred by character and personality.

Welshie · April 13th, 2012, 08:05 AM

Exactly. Most people when they are a kid say 'I'm going to marry a stunning and rich person" But both these things are material and mean nothing compared to their character and personality

Benjamin1 · April 13th, 2012, 03:18 PM

Guys, you were right, thanks!
I met her and it was a very nice date

The problem is that her dream is to immigrate to Canada in a few years, while I see myself spending my life here, so I'm afraid to get into relationship with her...

Dagwood · April 13th, 2012, 03:23 PM

Just another incompatibility, and a big one after all....different approaches to life.

Drewcious281 · April 13th, 2012, 04:10 PM

Like stasia said. Your all backwards. Its not challenge its standards but take it from me its ok to challenge yourself and lower them once and a while and you may meet an amazing person. Now i will give almost anyone a chance of any background because you never know the real them until you give them a shot.

DarkStar · April 13th, 2012, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benjamin1

Guys, you were right, thanks!
I met her and it was a very nice date

The problem is that her dream is to immigrate to Canada in a few years, while I see myself spending my life here, so I'm afraid to get into relationship with her...

Nice. Dreams can change but sometimes they may not. I've heard that Canada is actually a very nice place to live compared to the states. Well, you did say you wanted a challenge, right?

automorphism · April 14th, 2012, 03:40 PM

I think having a partner that can challenge you is nice, but not necessary. There are certainly ways to challenge yourself, and it's harder than you might first think to find a decent, reasonable, and mature partner.

I don't see any harm in going after "challenging" girls especially if that's what you want. If you are in your twenties it's not something bad to do I think.

You should distinguish also between girls that are hard to get and girls that will just be difficult to get along with as well.

yellow.rose · April 14th, 2012, 07:12 PM

You're comparing apples to oranges. Apples: achievements, tangible results. Oranges: Personality traits.

Apples:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benjamin1

coming from a rich family, Bachelors, having a decent job

Oranges:

Quote:

a good character (loyal, honest,).. she's a very good person, she works hard for her money, and likes studying, seems like a faithful person.

Decide what's truly important, the personality traits or the actual achievements she so far has under her belt. I'd say the personality traits are far more important. Someone with the talent and drive can achieve everything that "rich girl" has, and more. Whereas a rich girl with a Bachelor's may very well never achieve anything without productive personality traits.

That's like choosing a beautiful girl with no personality over one less good-looking whom you can actually connect with. Beauty, just like those traits you so admire like money, are fleeting without the personality traits to drive a person to achieve more.

To be perfectly blunt, I don't think your problem with this girl is her being lower class at all. I think it entirely has to do with her looks, that she isn't as attractive as the wealthier girl. That doesn't make you a bad person. However, let's call a spade a spade.

As to the title question (which is completely different than what you asked in your post), yes I need my partner to challenge me. Otherwise the relationship is dull and I won't respect him. However, "challenge me" means intellectually, philosophically etc. It does not mean coming from a certain background or having specific trophies on a shelf.