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Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

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Unread April 12th, 2012, 03:20 AM   #1
confusedbro
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Sad Confused

Hi guys,

never done this before and very confused.

So me and my GF have been going out for almost exactly a year. Everything was amazing we were so in love, we are perfect for each other and we had both said to each other that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, get married etc and there was nobody else for us. I know we are young but this is real. (in our early 20's)

About 6 weeks ago we moved in together at UNI, we didn't actually plan on it but it just happened that we got placed in the same house and decided that we'd stick with it.
Since then she has been distant, which has made me question her about whats wrong, she said she felt smothered after a few weeks so i tried to give her space but it obviously wasnt enough. The constant feeling of her pushing me away made me more needy and emotional and wanting to be close to her, which in turn pushed her away. We've had a few little quarrels over this stuff but it always seemed to fix itself (btw these are the only problems weve ever had, we dont fight and get on amazingly in general)
Now after just six short weeks she says she doesnt love me anymore, she doesnt feel the same, shes not even sure if she wants a relationship, its not working, she doesnt want to rely on/need someone else, shes losing her identity as an individual and she needs time and space to figure herself out.

I left her alone for a few days but we saw each other a couple of times (as we are in the same house) and just had normal conversations. She even came in to my room and gave me a hug and kiss randomly. I did do a little bit of trying to reason with her but that obviously didnt work and I didnt push it. After around 4 days of this it was time to leave for our mid semester break so we hung out that morning before we left. For the first hour we just chilled like old times, laughed, had a good time. After that we got closer and were cuddling and then also made out quite a few times (quite passionately I might add). Since then I left and came home and haven't contacted her since (doing the no contact/waiting for her to contact me thing and we left it as an official break up).

I know this is crazy because no one can tell me the answer as they are not her, but I just want to know what you guys think? Has this kind of thing happened to anyone else?
I love this girl so much and I really do want to spend the rest of my life with her and its going to be so hard if she really does just end it right here especially living in the same house. I'm currently trying to use this 2 week break away from her as a means of getting over her and preparing for the worst, but I really dont want to. The worst thing about this is that I've done nothing particularly bad or wrong to cause this, so I cant fix it. I know that I've become emotional, needy and therefor less attractive and I can go back to the person I once was but this whole thing is really up to her, I'm powerless.

Last edited by confusedbro; April 12th, 2012 at 03:27 AM..
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Unread April 12th, 2012, 07:12 AM   #2
Dagwood
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Default Re: Confused

My guess is the huge change of moving to a university gave her a new perspective. Tons of new people (guys) around. She could be feeling overwhelmed with the change, making the idea of a relationship feel too heavy right now. As for her random affection, it could be feelings isolated loneliness or abdonement.

You are right that you can't fix this. My recommendation would be to go back to being yourself and taking care of yourself. If you don't see you two working things out resist the urge for the random affection you to have been sharing, it will hurt a lot after. Because believe it or not, you are being played when she cuddles or kisses you.
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Unread April 12th, 2012, 07:44 AM   #3
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Default Re: Confused

Thanks for the advice man. We have actually already been at uni 2 years (this is our 3rd) so I think its mainly to do with the house and being suffocated etc. But you're right, I just need to focus on myself because theres nothing I can do about it. Would be nice to know of a similar situation that had turned out ok though, shouldnt get the hopes up though I guess.
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Unread April 12th, 2012, 07:52 AM   #4
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Default Re: Confused

Doing your own thing is a win/win. She either realizes what she wants and comes back, or you are already well off on your own and ready for what's next in life.
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Unread April 12th, 2012, 04:07 PM   #5
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Default Re: Confused

Why cant you try to move or transfer out of that house? When you come back from your break have a single attitude. A careless carefree attitude. See by you being needy and emotional in her eyes you turned in your man card and became a vagina. lol. She has no use for that. She needs a man so come back and be all non scholant about things. Make it seem like you had a blast on your break, etc. If you decide you still want her thats your best bet is by playing that whole hard to get bullshit like from the very beginning. you have to make her want you. Do not talk about working things out. let her do that talking if it comes up but as of now do your own thing, do your own thing when you go back and treat it like a break up. Thats the best you can do if you want her to want you. Be a man and get the ball back in your court.
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