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Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

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Unread April 11th, 2012, 02:49 PM   #1
MissyB
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Default A lil advice

Hi everyone, I might as well start.

I met a guy on a dating site in January 2011. We met up had a good time but from the get go it was mainly me contacting him. If I didn't call him for a week then he would call me.

Around June/July it was his birthday so we went out and that was the first time we kissed and eventually had sex that day. So at that point I started to feel bad because I know I was getting involved with a guy that rarely contacted me and as far as I felt wasn't interested. I made a decision to wait and see if he contacted me... he never did.

Around September I saw and advert and thought of him so I just sent a text saying just that and I hoped he was ok. The texts led to him asking me out and we met up again. Nothing physical happened and we continued to see each other. I asked him one night why he never contacted me and he said he thought I didnt want to see him again. he thought I was upset with him and myself so thought he would leave it as he thought that was what he wanted. This guy is not good at showing emotions at all... we were talking for like 4 hours and he eventually told me he had thought of me and wanted to contact me but within that time my birthday had come and gone and he felt bad cos I met up with him for his so he was going to write me letter to get his feelings out.

I went away for 3 weeks or so for xmas and he contacted me more so than ever. When I got back we continued to see each other but again I felt and had done from the start that i was the one always initiating contact or arranging to meet. When I saw his number on my phone it would suprise me.

We went to dinner and in the conversation he made a comment such as 'in my next relationship...' that upset me because I was looking for long term. So that we had a massive talk and I asked him 'when you speak about me what do you refer to me as' he said my girlfriend. I told him the comment he made at dinner upset e and he said he didn't mean it like that.

Valentines day was all good, had big roses sent to me at work. we were supposed to have plans that weekend but he had to go to Barcelona for work but invited me along so that was nice.

Now I had asked a few weeks before if he was still on dating site and he said his profile is still up and he gets email alerts so has checked his messages. In BArcelona I saw a admin message flash up from the site and told him I felt he wasn't really wanting a relationship as I deleted my profile a while ago and why is his still up. He deleted it that day.

Now I know he is not the most emotional person but this guy never holds my hand, puts his arm around me, kisses me in public. Behind closed doors when we sleep he doesn't hold me at all, when we watch tv or chill he never cuddles me or shows any affection, not even a hand on my leg and that made me feel ugly and made me feel lie he wasn't really interested. But then I had the conflict knowing he is an introvert and the trip away but it just didn't feel right.

I was with him and he was on the phone to a male friend who asked him what he was doing later (he was spending it with me) but he tols his friends he had no plans and would see how he felt about coming out. I never met his friends or family and he said a couple of his cousins knew about me but not his brothers or mum or day or anything

It came to a head on Monday when I asked him again why he isn't ever affectionate to me. I said it makes me feel awful and I just didn;t feel he wanted this. He ended up saying after I said that maybe he isn;t ready and he thought by now he would be more affectionate. Because he was agreeing with me I suddenly thought I had made a mistake by saying what i said but ultimately it ended

I used to cry because I would see couples holding hands and stuff and he was never like that with me. Have I ruined something because I expected too much too soon. This is still fresh so I am confused but ultimately I need to remember why I said what I said and how I used to feel.

I just need a little guidance is all as I am starting to doubt if I will find anyone.

Thank you everyone x x
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Unread April 11th, 2012, 02:57 PM   #2
Dagwood
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Default Re: A lil advice

Sounds like he's just not compatible with your approach to relationships and life. Let him go and heal up. You will find an affectionate physical guy...there are tons of them.

Based on what you said it may also seem he is new to relationships and doesn't quite know how to read or treat women. So don't feel like it is anything you did.
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Unread April 11th, 2012, 03:00 PM   #3
Drewcious281
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Default Re: A lil advice

I know everyone is different when it comes to affection but for the most part i feel that everyone wants it. Male and female. My personal opinion is that this guy likes you but he isnt as into you as you are him. When im not as into a woman i wont be as affectionate either because in a sense i just dont feel that strongly. Now if i am with a woman i really like and care for im very affectionate. Generally im a very affectionate person but it depends. TO me it sounds like this guy isnt that into the relationship especially if he doesnt do ANYTHING at all affection wise. We all have our different needs and i always do and say that if those needs arent met why waste time with this person. Lots more fish out there.
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Unread April 11th, 2012, 03:16 PM   #4
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Default Re: A lil advice

Thank you for the responses.

Dagwood - His longest relationship was a year which was long distance and he is 31 so he did say he has not really been in one before. Thank you for the response. It has made things clearer for me.

Drewcious281 - thank you for your honesty, it hurts but its the truth.
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Unread April 11th, 2012, 04:50 PM   #5
Drewcious281
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Default Re: A lil advice

I mean even if this guy is inexperianced there are just some things that are common sense or human nature you know? If he cant pick up on that and basically just hang out buddy buddy than he is at a loss and you should get out there and get what you deserve.
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