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Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

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Unread February 24th, 2012, 01:14 PM   #1
mdc8316
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Default Dont know what to do

Hey everybody, new to the forum here. I will keep this short and to the point. Im 21 years old and in college. My girlfriend recently broke up with me around Christmas time. We had been together about 4 months and it was the happiest time of my life. She is an amazing girl and made me feel great. We never fought about anything, always had great times together. The relationship was long distance though, about 1200 miles apart. It wasn't a huge deal to us because i could fly for free on weekends to see her as my father is an airline pilot so that was extremely helpful. We would talk every night and skype a lot as well. Everything was great. I went home for christmas a month off, and we spent a lot of time together. Then she started distancing herself from me, i noticed it about 2 weeks before she dropped the ball. When we broke up it was really sad. She was telling me that im a amazing guy, that she had spent years wishing someone like me would come along. She said she didnt feel the connection we use to have and that when she meets the right guy that connection will always be there( i dont believe in this) and she wasnt sure about me anymore. The thing that stuck in my head that she said was "i just cant do this right now" and that there was nothing i could do to convince her. And i believe her, shes and extremely good student and spends all her time now studying and maybe she didnt want to have to deal with a relationship this semester because her schooling became really difficult. I stayed calm, didnt really say much. Then we hugged, she was crying, held my hand for a second and walked away. I went back to school and ive just been miserable, she was my best friend for a long time. Ive been drinking more than usual to suppress my feelings and i know thats not healthy but it works. A few weeks after the break up she texted me to tell me happy birthday then we had a few back an forths but that was all. I could tell that she really didnt have the time to talk. On valentines day i texted her happy valentines day and she said thanks have a good one..... So i stoped talking to her all over again and then had a break down last night and just asked her how she was. i dont know what to do anymore, i dont want to move on because i feel like she was so right for me that it would be hard to meet a girl who i would like more. However i have been talking to another girl recently who i know likes me a lot but i just cant see my self being as happy with her. I cant decide what to do, she said she cares about me a lot when we broke up but she has shown no signs of it. To me i feel like i dont exist to her anymore and that i never really mattered and that is hard because i love her and she doesnt love me. Any adivice or anything will help. Thanks!
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Unread February 24th, 2012, 04:54 PM   #2
AndyC
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Default Re: Dont know what to do

Sorry to hear about your breakup - on a side note please breakup your message as it's basically a wall of text and some people may avoid it.

Anyway - the painful truth is that you will have to accept that she just isn't in the same place as you are. It's a difficult thing to do but it has to be done otherwise you'll present yourself as some needed little person who can't survive on their own if you start trying to push your way back into her life.

You will see a recurring piece of advice on this forum regarding breakups and it's a solid piece of advice; no contact. Cut your ties with her and remove the stuff she gave you - out of site out of mind. Kudos for being strong on the outside during the breakup, most people aren't.

I can relate really well with your situation; Im about your age and my GF broke up with me in September, a couple of weeks before I progressed into final year and we had been seeing each other for nearly 4 years! Let me tell you from experience that you need to embrace the feelings your having: cry if you have to, write down your feelings ( this is a good one! ), exercise a lot - basically do whatever it takes to vent the feelings that you have inside. The most constructive method for you would be to concentrate all your effort on your school work.

On a major note - stop the drinking. It's merely covering up the feelings that you have and these feelings won't disappear with excessive drinking. They can get worse, a lot worse. You could end up in hospital from half an hour of drinking like me - 2 drips in my arm whilst Im talking crap about her - you don't want to be in that situation! Also, you could come to rely on drink when something negative happens again so don't start now.

This new girl you have been seeing; don't go out with her. She will end up being the rebound for you and will only get hurt because of your lack of courage to deal with your emotions. Just explain your not in a place to start dating yet.

Quote:
she said she cares about me a lot when we broke up but she has shown no signs of it. To me i feel like i dont exist to her anymore
Of course she hasn't shown signs of it - she broke up with you - can you really expect a person to display signs of love when she has just broke your heart? Essentially she is trying to remove you from her life because, and understand this please, it's easier on her. Can you imagine breaking up with someone only to have to run into them everyday or text them. The fact that you guys live 1200 miles apart is now a good thing - appreciate that.

Finally you are only 21 - you have a hell a lot of life to live and with that comes new women. I don't mean this in a derogatory manner towards women but have some fun before getting into a serious relationship - just don't act like a dick.

To sum up: vent your feelings, stop the drinking, concentrate on uni, implement no contact, work on bettering yourself.

Good luck

P.S. Read this, 5 Stages of Grief , applies to people going through a breakup.
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Unread February 25th, 2012, 03:53 PM   #3
mdc8316
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Default Re: Dont know what to do

Thank you for that a little kick helps. I read it this morning and its been a great day so far. I guess im slowly moving on, working hard on school, and slowly trying to better myself. Things will fall in place and everything will be better eventually. Still sucks but its good to have someone i dont even know to give an opinion. Thank you!
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