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Down in the Dumps Breaking up is a difficult time. How does it go? Denial, Anger, acceptance? No... that's not it. Come to this forum to find out what it's really like.

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Unread February 24th, 2012, 10:22 AM   #1
avi.esme
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Default We talked...

So he had class last night in which for the first time he was a few minutes late coming home in which i didn't notice till he brought it up to my attention a few minutes after arriving.
We sat next to each other as he held my hand and complained for half hr how lame Lifetime was and how I watch boring shows and as he kept bitching about what I watch i suddenly just asked him if he was cheating on me?
His reaction was "WOW" got up and walked away and within seconds of storming off he THEN came right back and asked "Why" and I just told him that my gut tells me he's up to no good and this is what he told me all within 2 hrs of talking and arguing
Him:
I made a mistake moving back home Don't have to tell me twice
I miss my army buddies (they 're my true friends/family) I can understand, the only ones that wouldn't judge him like his high school buddies do
I miss being alone So he can be online chatting with women
I'm depressed Me too but I find ways to get around it, HE doesn't like trying
I'm a miserable person This is where you know he's in a bad mood bc I am always asking if I did something wrong
I hate socializing There's an "Example" to this below
I miss getting drunk he get's drunk every weekend on his own wth is he talking about?
I am a mean person That he IS!
I hate that I'm fat He used to work out but has one to many excuses now for the past year
*Your a Jealous person when asked "How/Why" he shuts down but as always when he doesn't have an answer to something he gets upset and ignores you
I have no friends here I feel bad for him on this one bc he is ALWAYS trying to hang out with his old buddies and they always blow him off...I mean they have families now but are always asking him when he is available so they can hang out and then they cancel

Then he turns on me and starts making fun of me bc i gained weight after my dads death told me that I needed to hit the treadmill a little more (and I stooped to his level and called him Fat and made fun of his penis size)... he told me that i killed sex for him when i confided in my brother in December (which is what started all this...me finding out he was emailing other women)

Although I know i could have confided in a friend i didn't and my brother happen to have called me minutes after me learning of what my bf was/is doing... I told my brother ALOT of shit, personal shit about my bf to where its awkward between the two of them now. In my bf eyes its always me he does no wrong. I told him that he wasn't perfect and that pissed him off, I told him that all I want is answers as to why he feels it necessary to do what he does...

As I already know this but my bf is not the jealous type, he doesn't even acknowledge "Respect" he says its total bs if someone asks for it (wish i knew why he thinks this way) he is that guy who wants others to check out his girl, in my case i know other men don't look at me and i honestly could careless, he hates that I am sociable and he isn't

Example: We invited HIS family (bc I moved here to his hometown) over for a BBQ last weekend, I spent a lot of money on seafood we both love and I went out of my way to make certain dishes for him and his family...Once I was done making everything his family started to show up and :::BOOM::: that's when he went into hiding and REFUSED to come out the room...I was so upset I got sh*tfaced, made a fool of myself and knocked out on the couch. My bf's mom was nice enough to clean up for me and left me a note saying thank you etc...sorry my bf wasn't feeling good to come out and join them

I felt so awful...I woke up around 1am to hearing him come into the house with Taco Bell and when I walked in the room I saw bottles of yellow and he says

"I didn't want to come out so I pee'd in the water bottles...

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not a jealous person, i never have been. I am more mellow and calm and very friendly. I look to the present and future with who I am with. All I've ever asked from the ones i dated to my ex husband to my bf is respect and honesty...he (my bf) is the one who in some odd way thinks my wants are bs.

I was pretty outgoing sociable and wild in my mid-teens late-teens and early 20's till i got married and fooled around with women from an early age on up and he always finds it funny to throw in my face that I should just go eat this and that and I have never made fun of what he did growing up it seizes to amaze me how he reverts back to my past with women and I do get upset but not to where it's going to ruin my day but up until recently is when I started making fun of his weight and penis size just bc I got tired of him making fun of my weight.

I apparently made him cry last night bc he said I hurt his feeling when I talk about his penis size and he fake cried with no tears I wanted to laugh so bad but I didn't bc apart of me wanted to one day see him cry yet I got close enough to see that there were no tears and yep....

One thing he told me is that he is addicted to the internet and has been since he was 13 NOW I am not sure if the internet was around back when he was 13 in 1991
and when he got older he would chat with all kinds of ppl and bc of his weight the internet was a way for him to hide behind the computer and talk to women and then when he would meet them he would just end up having sex with them or never talking to them again

That shocked me

I asked him when the last time was that he met anyone off the internet and he told me Feb of 2010 (We met Oct 2009 he claimed to have been single and not have been with anyone since the beginning of 2009) I felt a bit sick to my stomach bc Feb of 2010 we started seeing each other more and had our first kiss and then he didn't officially ask me to be his girlfriend till May 2010

When asked why he wasn't honest he replied with he didn't think we would work out and we weren't intimate so it didn't matter...

I could go on...so much more was said...in the end I told him that I don't trust him with a million and one reasons and he told me he doesn't trust me bc I confided in my brother (yadda yadda) I believe we did come to an agreement to make it official pretty soon to just go our separate ways once the lease to this house is up..we have an extra room so he "says" when I get home from work he'll be in the room, chances for that happening are slim to none. He did want me to know that he has not cheated on me he is only emailing other women to talk about "ME" I told him that I am 100% sure he is NOT emailing these women talking about ME I am dumb but not that dumb...he didn't say anything when I told him that...

Once again he is saying he doesn't want me to leave and he knows I deserve better but wants to try as much as we can and although he sounds sincere about all of what he is saying I need to move on bc we have "Tried" already within our last 7 arguments from Dec. to NOW but the hurt is just too much I feel so betrayed by him...yet he says he feels betrayed by me bc of who I confided in.

The only thing now holding me back now is the lease and work. With work I need to give proper notice, can't just leave and it look totally bad for not giving notice. I am not from California so I might just end up heading back east, who knows...


Ugh what a night... sorry this was so long needed to get this off my chest
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Unread February 24th, 2012, 11:49 AM   #2
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Default Re: We talked...

ACTIONS not words
Words are the tools of manipulation.

You know what to do.
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Last edited by foh4k; February 24th, 2012 at 05:39 PM..
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Unread February 24th, 2012, 12:01 PM   #3
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Default Re: We talked...

The guy is a total douche bag to you. he cheated on you, he is fat, and on top of everything else he has herpes. You're starting to sound like you are desperate. Independence is ok. remove this cancer from your life. It's already over and not worth contacting an STD which will stick with you for the rest of your life.
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Unread February 24th, 2012, 01:20 PM   #4
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Default Re: We talked...

avi, what you need to do is stop venting on the computer. Vent through actions. Vent by severing him.

You DO understand that he will be PERFECTLY FINE without you? He's not happy, you're not happy.

Unless you're a sick masochist, you should let this go.
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Unread February 24th, 2012, 03:49 PM   #5
avi.esme
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Default Re: We talked...

Quote:
Originally Posted by cswcu48 View Post
The guy is a total douche bag to you. he cheated on you, he is fat, and on top of everything else he has herpes. You're starting to sound like you are desperate. Independence is ok. remove this cancer from your life. It's already over and not worth contacting an STD which will stick with you for the rest of your life.

You're right - he hates that I am independent, which I am and have been my whole life... he on the other hand needs to be needed. It's the weekend so I have to see what happens with just starting the process of leaving (re:my lease and giving notice at work) As for him and the Herp! I am just glad "sex' isn't an issue between us anymore makes things so much better because after last night...I believe it's time to show him what I found (his convo re: how he got herpes) I know I should have brought it to his attention when I first found out but I was dumb and didn't just bc I wanted to see how long it would take for him to be honest with me. I will ask him again how he got it and if he lies to me for the last time I will just show him and that will be it.

I feel good that he and I had this conversation but at the same time I feel like he is not being fully honest and although I did get some answers to my questions .... some he did not answer maybe it's for the best bc I can't do this anymore and I am just mentally and emotionally drained.

@Sociopath, I wish I knew how not to vent on here but I have no one to talk too, finding this site and being able to unload it all has felt GREAT. I know he will be fine all I've ever wanted was answers from him..

giving 30 days notice for work on Monday and gotta contact the Landlord when I get home...



Thank you guys!
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Unread February 24th, 2012, 04:01 PM   #6
Ben91
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Default Re: We talked...

lol hee pee'd in a bottle?

thats pretty epic
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We talked about getting married though, and already had names for our child. Our case is different because we loved each other. Blablabla
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Unread February 24th, 2012, 05:40 PM   #7
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Default Re: We talked...

Quote:
Originally Posted by foh4k View Post
ACTIONS not words
Words are the tools of manipulation.

You know what to do.
This applies to you going forward as well
__________________
There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.
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Unread February 24th, 2012, 08:36 PM   #8
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Default Re: We talked...

Please let us know how it turns out!!
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