Cheating and trust. - Page 2

SK20 · July 28th, 2010, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonsense

@SK:i m really curious about you, please let me know more about you.

tangible this, tangible that, is that the only abstractive word you know in English? So you say don't get hurt if it's not tangible? then why just have sex? I mean, you can get your sperms out of your system just as good by masterbating? Then why get into relationships?
If I see you on the street and your parents, I call you lots "cunts, scum of the earth", would you guarantee me that you would not get pissed off? Because why? no TANGIBLE was done right????

Okay first of all, by "tangible" I've said "Affect your life in a tangible way". That's where tangible comes in, its describing the affect in your life.

Would you say relationships affect your life in a tangible way? Yes. Your life from without a gf is not the same as it is with one. This is beyond common sense, and I can't believe I have to tell you this. If you are still struggling to see the differences (lol), and the tangible affects it has on your life, let me help you out

- In 1 case, you don't see a girl that you treat like a gf/wife, the other you do.
- In 1 case, you don't have to care for someone extra, the other you do
- In 1 case, that other person doesn't make a big difference in your life, in the other case they do. Your happiness and sadness is sometimes dependent on them.

In other words, being in a relationship affects your life. And it's not just all in your head, so it is tangible. As you can see, ALMOST EVERYTHING has a tangible affect in your life. Cheating not being one of them. UNLESS they start loving you less or something. Otherwise, it has not affect at all. Because, what really has changed (besides things in your head) before and after they cheated? Nothing. Unless they give you an STD or something, they have done NO HARM to you. Thus it's okay.

As far as your example goes, if there are people around, then it would make a tangible difference in my life. Just because I can "see" other people looking at me in a different way. Right there a tangible difference has been made in my life.

However, if you said it just for the sake of saying it, and no one was around to see, then my life would not have changed and thus I wouldn't give a shit. Cheating is the same way.

SK20 · July 28th, 2010, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phasesofthemoon

You have zero experience, you've never applied this in real life, nor had it applied to you for that matter. You know only what your delusional mind and thought process can conjure up. You don't even have experience through education on the subject.

You have zero credibility.

But thanks.. it's alway fun reading about the inane chatter that goes on in your brain.

Did I say something wrong? I might not have 1st-hand experience, but I've seen others do it. The ones who don't get caught live a more enjoyable life. Because not only do they live happily ever after with their partner, they have even more desires fulfilled of theirs that people like you and others couldn't have done. So it's a Plus (Good Partner relationship) Plus (Other good relationships) for them, while for most its just a plus (Good Partner relationship, if that).

And while others may care, I could care less if my partner was trying to fulfill a desire of theirs that didn't affect my life in any tangible way. If it doesn't harm me and benefit them, whats wrong?

phasesofthemoon · July 28th, 2010, 10:26 PM

Quote:

And while others may care, I could care less if my partner was trying to fulfill a desire of theirs that didn't affect my life in any tangible way. If it doesn't harm me and benefit them, whats wrong?

As we've told you at least a dozen times now, there is nothing wrong with not being mongamous if both partners are aware of it, of the same mindset, and are not lied too. Not being monogamous is not the issue. Lying, pretending to be someone you're not to secure your partner is what's unethical, unintegral, a hard pill to swallow. You've allowed them to fall in love with who they "think" you are not who you actually are. That's whats wrong! And that's why there is so many marital breakdowns.. people marry people they don't really know. When they find out who they are, they lose feelings of love for the "new" person who has suddenly and unexpectedly emerged.

In Op's case: he didn't know he was hooking up his life with a cam whore. This cam whore is NOT the person he fell in love with. He's having a hard time coming to terms with leaving her because he wants to stay with the girl he fell in love with and being with her has become habit. Habits are hard to break.. Ultimately if he stays with her without her changing, eventually the partnership will breakdown because he'll realize that who she is, is not who he really wants and who he can be happy with.

SK20 · July 28th, 2010, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phasesofthemoon

As we've told you at least a dozen times now, there is nothing wrong with not being mongamous if both partners are aware of it, of the same mindset, and are not lied too. Not being monogamous is not the issue. Lying, pretending to be someone you're not to secure your partner is what's unethical, unintegral, a hard pill to swallow. You've allowed them to fall in love with who they "think" you are not who you actually are. That's whats wrong!

Oh come on, "You've allowed them to fall in love with who they "think" you are not who you actually are".

Seriously? You're acting like you were some nice kind person, and then you turned into mean and selfish. That would be an example of what you are talking about. But the change you are referencing to when you made that comment is MINOR. It's NOT like you are a totally new person lol. You are still the same just have some extra desires that you think are justified to having.

You don't have to know EVERY minor detail about a person. You're comment is funny. It's like this:

Suppose I found out yesterday my partner likes bananas. I didn't know that before. I fell in love with someone else, now their true-self has come out.

Also, I've also talked about the bad things about a open relationship. More risk of more actual harms (partner leaving or STDs), and it's less honorary (as someone else brought up), and smaller net of females to choose from. Horrible idea overall.

phasesofthemoon · July 28th, 2010, 10:50 PM

You tell her or lead her to believe your monogamous with her. She only wants to date a monogamous man because she herself is monogamous. She later finds out you are not, nor have you ever been monogamous during your entire relationship. You've suddenly become a stranger to her. She may not leave you but, she'll likely not ever love you in the way she once did. The dynamics of your relationship will change. If you're okay with that, and she's okay with that, then so be it.

Bananas?

merker · July 29th, 2010, 07:25 PM

From experience and what iv read she certainly is not worth anymore hassle.

3 times similar things happened to me (which i have explained in other threads so i wont again) but everytime i found out that it wasnt the end of it. It would happen again, weather she found someone she liked more than me, was found literally cheating or realised she was too insecure for a relationship.

Obviously the 1st time you checked the messages you had lost some trust but gave her the benefit of the doubt... but the second time that would of lost all your trust.

You gave her an ultimatum naturally when you first saw the messages. This should of made her realise "right iv been stupid, i love him, i dont want to hurt or lose him...i'll stop all this" however she didnt!!

I will mention the bit I went through where I tried to let things carry on. I noticed she was on dating sites, confronted her, was told it was old. Then I found out she was messaging/txting men about going for drinks n complimenting their pictures.... Confronted her again... after a long talk I let things carry on with me and her.... a few weeks later she found an excuse to end it.

The thing you have to think about is firstly shes gone behind your back and lied... and secondly has shown interest in other men while she was with it.

If she was 100% loyal and devoted to you then she would not of gone for attention off other men.

As other people have mentioned, maybe she was "in love" with you at 1 point, however now only loves you... the relationship will never be the same again and if you let it continue then be prepared for the "i dont think its gonna work" or "i cant be in a relationship with anyone" talk off her in a few weeks or months

flyingcowking · July 31st, 2010, 07:28 AM

Thank you guys. I have made up my mind and I feel a lot better about it. I just needed to hear it from other people, I couldn't talk to family about it, since they are preoccupied with estate stuff.

FCK.

merker · July 31st, 2010, 08:18 AM

Good, you got rid then?

it is a shame when these things happen but the bottom line with anyone is nobody deserves to be second best and they dont deserve to be walked over.

The thing if you turned a blind eye would be that nagging feeling in your head that you know full well something is up and also, then there would be a more than likely chance that in the future they will just go off with someone else

best of luck in the future!!!

guapo · July 31st, 2010, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flyingcowking

A week later she came back and said she made a mistake, she was up at a bar thinking all night and wanted me back, that I was the one she wanted. Two months later, I saw an email she left up on the screen, from a male friend of hers. It was a fantasy email, very pornographic. I panicked, and checked her phone and found she was texting him that night, things like "I wish I could still see you..."
I confronted her, and she said he and she were flirting and she had drinks with him. That was as far as it went. I believed her.

Advice anyone? Please!
Marc

You made the mistake of not ending it there and then.