I slept with my friend and now I'm questioning my sexuality.

BrianTheBarbarian · July 29th, 2010, 04:57 PM

I went over to my friend Nicky's place the other night. We've been friends for a long time and we tend to hang out pretty often. I didn't think this time would be any different. I figured we would would just hang out, maybe play some video games or watch some bad movies. But it was different.

When I came over he offered me a drink, like he usually does. He got me one, but he got one for himself too; I thought it was weird because he rarely drinks. A couple hours later and we had both racked up a couple drinks. He was pretty buzzed by this point, because he doesn't drink very often. So, he starts flirting with me. I'm kind of used to him flirting with me, because he has had a crush on me for years. I usually just brush it off, but tonight was a bit different.

He hopped up on my lap and started kissing me. Things got a bit more heated, and I guess from his seat, he could feel that I was getting a bit excited. He said he needed a couple minutes and went off to his bedroom. When he came out he was wearing one of my T shirts.(I crash at his place sometimes) It may sound weird, but to me, he looked like a really cute girl. I mean, hes very feminine to begin with. He has a very small/slim frame and a girls face. He has long beautiful hair and soft skin.

Something came over me and I wanted him so bad. We ended up sleeping together that night. Now I'm wondering why this all happened. I've never been attracted to another guy before, and I have never felt this way about him before either. Does this make me bi? Is it possible to be straight but still be attracted to one person of the same sex? What if I was just attracted to his feminine qualities? I really don't know how to make sense of all this. I would really appreciate the help.

OvershareDude · July 29th, 2010, 05:13 PM

How old are you? If you're in your mid to late teens, it could be purely experimental thing on your behalf.
It could mean you're bi, theres nothing wrong with that.

When you say "slept together" did you share a bed or did you guys engage in some form of intimate contact?
You could shrug it off and chalk it off to alcohol, how do you feel about him when you're sober? Do you look at him that way, do you find yourself admiring him now that you've been in this situation with him?

phasesofthemoon · July 29th, 2010, 05:40 PM

Did you enjoy it? Would you do it again?

BrianTheBarbarian · July 29th, 2010, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OvershareDude

How old are you? If you're in your mid to late teens, it could be purely experimental thing on your behalf.
It could mean you're bi, theres nothing wrong with that.

When you say "slept together" did you share a bed or did you guys engage in some form of intimate contact?
You could shrug it off and chalk it off to alcohol, how do you feel about him when you're sober? Do you look at him that way, do you find yourself admiring him now that you've been in this situation with him?

I'm 23 and he is 22. We had sex, but we also literally slept together.

I guess I have always had some feelings for him; they were purely emotional though, not sexual. Something changed that night, I thought about him sexually. And now I've been staring at this picture I have of him on my phone every few minutes. I don't think either of us have worked up the courage to talk about it yet.

phasesofthemoon · July 29th, 2010, 06:05 PM

If you liked it and you'd do it again, then what's the problem? There are millions of bi-sexual, homosexual and hetrosexual people in this world. Hell, there's even Pansexuals.

Have you had hetro sex as well?

OvershareDude · July 29th, 2010, 06:18 PM

I think it needs to be discussed otherwise there'll always be this giant pink elephant in the room when you two are in the same room that no-one wants to talk about.

just start it with something simple like "soooooo..... about the other night...."

WTF is Pansexual? Sounds to me like sex with pandas! (yes, I would normally google it but I'm at work)

BrianTheBarbarian · July 29th, 2010, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phasesofthemoon

If you liked it and you'd do it again, then what's the problem? There are millions of bi-sexual, homosexual and hetrosexual people in this world. Hell, there's even Pansexuals.

Have you had hetro sex as well?

I have had sex with quite a few girls. I always thought I was straight, which is why this feel so weird to me.

Surfa · July 29th, 2010, 07:53 PM

To put yourself in that environment with another homosexual suggests to me that you have always (atleast sub-consciously) been open to the idea. It shouldn't be such a shock.

Panda · July 29th, 2010, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OvershareDude

WTF is Pansexual? Sounds to me like sex with pandas! (yes, I would normally google it but I'm at work)

Nah, that would be "Pandasexual"

OvershareDude · July 29th, 2010, 08:45 PM

hehe well I'm not having sex with you, for the record.

Panda · July 29th, 2010, 08:51 PM

Well, just know that you don't have to label yourself. Just because you enjoyed time with this guy doesn't mean you're "something else." You're always what you were.

For sexuality, there's usually a sliding scale. Most people are "bi" to some small degree. I would just embrace it and go with it. If he makes you happy, go for it! By the way "Queer" tends to be an all inclusive label if you really want to label yourself. *shrug*

Panda · July 29th, 2010, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OvershareDude

hehe well I'm not having sex with you, for the record.

Awww

what? No fair!

BrianTheBarbarian · July 30th, 2010, 01:57 AM

We had a good long talk and we made some progress. We're going to give it a try. I guess we're a bit of and item now.

Sorry to post so late but I finally got a moment of free time.

BrianTheBarbarian · August 2nd, 2010, 04:34 PM

I figure I should give you guys a bit of an update. On Friday, we had a talk and we decided we should try having sex when we are sober. We just wanted to see if the feelings weren't due to the alcohol. On Saturday night I went over to his place and we cooked a nice dinner together.

After we ate, we started to relax a little bit and got cozy. We headed to his bedroom, where we made for a while. We were both really into it. We ended up having sex again and it was really nice. I have had sex, but this was the first time I really felt like I made love. It was really emotional and intense.

I'm really happy that this happened. I guess I was bottling up my feelings for him for a long time.

OvershareDude · August 2nd, 2010, 05:11 PM

I'm glad to hear you're embracing your emotions not shoving them deep down inside!
Congratulations, good luck if you decide to tell friends/family, I hope they're understanding for you.

Kasey · August 3rd, 2010, 01:16 AM

If we were to thouroughly categorize peoples' sexuality we'd die before we finished. Contrary to popular labelling methods, sexuality is not simply GLBT. There are varying degrees of homo and heterosexuality in EVERYONE. For example, I call myself straight. Can't help it, I'm attracted to men. But at the same time... sometimes the way a girl moves gets me SO TURNED ON. Rarely, but still. If I was strictly heterosexual then the way my friend Jamie is dancing should not stop me in my tracks.

I would say your best bet is not to think about WHY so much. Instead, just think about how you had a great time with a good friend. No need to stress over the meaningless stuff (because after mutually enjoyable sex, labels are completely worthless. All you have is that feeling.)

Take care of yourself, and I'm Kasey, btw

Ciao

Deidre · August 3rd, 2010, 01:29 AM

Don't worry too much about labels. So you've had some male sexual encounters... it doesn't make you anything, it doesn't change you from who you were a few weeks ago, and it doesn't make your past a lie. You're just a couple of experiences richer (albeit, perhaps important experiences). It is what it is. Labels can come later if you feel that you identify with them.

PInk · August 3rd, 2010, 09:04 PM

I think there shouldn't be labeling..you like him, and maybe its just him you find your self attracted to..if it works out thats awesome but if not..just be happy who you get with be it a woman or a man...we love who we love, sometimes it comes as a surprise

stickyandsweet · August 4th, 2010, 01:47 PM

Dont worry! Maybe you like both! I have had a few 'experiences' with girls. Just go with the flow......do you feel guilty now? If so-its prob just the way society makes people look badly at gays. I mean when you were a kid how many times did people use GAY as an insult-even though they didnt mean it!