need of some advice

[dwel]

Hey everyone, i am in a difficult situation here. in semtember i met up with a girl and a few of her friends etc.. he have all become friends and do stuff together )party's, paintball, ball, skating etc) anyway back in febuary i started to have an intrest in one of them. and after alot of peer-pressure i asked her out.. she told said no and i moved on.. A bit later (3 weeks) she started dating another friend of mine. during this time she confessed that she did not like this guy at all and did not know why she said yes to him. so after 2 weeks that ended. we are good friends have have a math class together. were we chat and not much work gets done. Recently a large number of students have sugested very vocaly that we should date. and this has become the topic of math class almost every day. We are pretty good friends and flirting does happen between us (drawing on each other, lauphing at each others jokes, long talks, teasing each other, grass wars etc).

My question is should i ask her out again? (it was 2-3 months since i asked her out for the first time) and how should i handle the group of kids in my math class ? (btw i am 17)

[Fusion Cuisine]

When you asked her out the first time, what did you say? I mean, was it like a serious "We should get together" type thing, or more of a "Do you want to go see xyz with me tonight?" type thing? Did she just give a straight "No" and said nothing else? How did she sound? Aghast? Confused?

[dwel]

well when i asked her out it was in the context of " i would like to be more than friends, and we should go out" (paraphrase). now i have to admit she is hard to get by herself.. so i wrote it in a letter and dropped it off to her.. within an hour she had texted me and said that she would just like to be friends. and made sure i was fine with that... we then met up an hour or so later to go skating (we had planned this awhile back) and everything wa normal

thanks for the help also

[Fusion Cuisine]

I think an "I'd like to be more than friends" message was probably a bad idea (easy to say with hindsight, I know). You forced her into a decision of being 'more than friends' (whatever she might take that to mean) or not without any romantic context. Unless she's really into you, that's usually going to make her er on the side of 'no thanks'. How is she supposed to make that decision when you've never even kissed?

So... what to learn from that...

I certainly wouldn't approach 'second time around' by asking her anything that could be taken as "I'd still like us to be more than friends".

Maybe ask her to go with you someplace, but not as a 'date' (although I wouldn't actually state that - if she does say "Do you mean as a date?" then I'd say "Oh of course not, we already had that discussion, remember?"). You say things are already a bit flirty, so slowly escalate it.

You need to pay close attention to how she's reacting to you, and if things go well then at some point she'll probably be open to kissing (wait until you're fairly sure - even I can spot this, and I'm a moron). Then it's better to wait for her to have the 'more than friends' revelation.

But if she does agree to go somewhere with you, don't decide that this is the plan and get all anxious about it... and do things at the wrong moment. Just make sure she has a nice time, and then there is always next time.

Of course this doesn't guarantee anything at all... she might say no to going somewhere with you, she might go with you and be standoffish, or she might be all open and playful but then freak if you try to kiss her. Just be prepared for any of those outcomes and be cool with them all.

That's how I think you should go about it for the best chances of success anyway. Anything you do carries an element of risk at this stage.

[dwel]

ok thanks. thats sounds like good advice and i will give it a try... now how do i deal with the others in my math class who are extreamly vocal about the idea that we sould date?

[Fusion Cuisine]

Originally Posted by dwel

now how do i deal with the others in my math class who are extreamly vocal about the idea that we sould date?

Take it in good humour and say "Oh no, no, we're just good friends" with a smile on your face

What else can you do? Get defensive and tell them to shut the hell up? Say she disgusts you and you wouldn't touch her with someone else's? Tell them you really wanna but she doesn't? I hope I don't have to say why those are bad ideas

[Kuky]

You're paying way too much attention to wordsmithing. The real question is, is there any attraction between you two? Is there any chemistry? Look it's really simple: You can't just ask someone out out of the blue and expect a favourable answer if she has no reason to feel that way about you. That will only work with girls who are already totally infatuated with you. Most girls start off as indifferent (non-disinterested or whatever you want to call it). So vibe with her, flirt with her a bit, and put the seed of thinking about you differently into her head. If you're basically one of her girlfriends, then of course she won't see you as more, and if you come at her from THAT frame and "ask her out" then it doesn't matter how carefully you word it.

At that point, it doesn't matter if you go super direct, or if you try to sneak in under the radar like Fusion is saying. By the way, as long as we're on it: Don't ever do the "oh no, we're just friends" thing just to get a shot, cause you know what? Then you'll always be just friends and you won't understand why. Guys who try to sneak in under the radar like that in desperation don't usually get anywhere, and with good reason. Don't confuse that with flirting though. Like when you say "ok but don't get any ideas in your head haha" that's more like flirting. What matters most is the vibe between you two. If there's some attraction, some sexual tension, and it's clear that you're not some lame guy who's bending over backwards for her, then it doesn't matter how you word it. It'll work.

[dwel]

ok so basicly continue to flirt and let it grow. and for the math class problem, just let it happen??

[annmarietyberg]

hang out with her and see what happens