http://www.relationship-forums.com/ en Tue, 07 Sep 2010 14:19:29 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.relationship-forums.com/delisiosso/misc/rss.jpg http://www.relationship-forums.com/ http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26087&goto=newpost Tue, 07 Sep 2010 00:24:02 GMT Well, I'm emotionally drained. This whole post, essay really, is a message I sent to a friend of mine so that she may help. I'm going to post it here to see if anyone had any constructive advice. Here it is... it's quite lengthy.

About a week ago I confronted your sister about our communication issues with the sole intent on fixing. Since that moment… things have spiraled way out of proportion. We don't talk anymore and when we do our conversations very dry and very "to-the-point". I do my absolute best to get a conversation going but it just ends up being me asking questions and her giving me simple "Yes""no""maybe" answers. I try to squeeze a “lol” or “hahaha” out of her, but she never says those things anymore. It’s just her reply and that’s it. I know it may seem miniscule but it’s not. It makes it seem like she’d rather be doing something else. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in words trying to find something to say. She isn’t engaged in the conversations. She just sits there and expects me to carry the conversations. I do my best to, but I can’t do it all on my own. I need feedback. Sometimes I think she isn't even trying anymore. I feel like she's given up on this. She likes to ask me to tell her a story, and I do. But when the conversation dies down a bit and I want to keep it going, I ask her to tell me a story and she just says "I'm not good at that, you know that." and just leaves it at that. No effort. Didn't even try. She's told a few stories but she seems unwilling to put in the effort to try and find one that doesn't have to do with her work or drama that she so likes to be informed about. I rack my brains so hard to provide her with an interesting story and I'm the one with the shitty memory.

I try to call her at least once a day just to say hi and see how her day is going and I always call her to tell her to have a good day at work. I think that’s a nice thing to do. Well, I’ve been calling her this last week and she never ever picks up anymore. I leave a message and she very rarely returns my call. She was the one complaining that I never call her anymore! I call her so much, she just never picks up her phone. I send her a message on facebook saying “ I love you” multiple times… most of which have gone unanswered. Her statuses are sad ones. It makes me feel ignored, neglected, and insignificant.

When I confronted her, she said that "she is unsure about us". Do you know what that feels like? When the person that you've put so much time, effort, and yourself into says that to you? Your heart sinks, your stomach hurts, your eyes swell up with tears, your throat dries, your head feels numb, you get that weird feeling behind your nose like you just cried, and you just get sad. I can’t even begin to explain how hard that hit me. I asked her what she was thinking and she told me "I need to prioritize things". I said that I'm okay with that and that it'll probably help our communication problems because we'll have more to talk about. I reassured her and reassured her and reassured her that things will be fine and that they will get better. I can tell that she is discouraged about us and I know for sure that she’s considering leaving me.
One thing, it’s not really personal stuff but its about sex. We used to talk about sex and stuff and laugh about it and talk about things we might try and things that looked weird. Or how she liked it. How I liked it. What we would do next time. And just normal stuff like that. But lately she’s just kind of been numb to it. She hasn’t really responded to my advances like she used to. She uninterested in that stuff now.

Whenever we meet up, it's a secret to your parents. I completely and absolutely understand why this would be so. She seems to think that I don't understand. She says, "you're not living it".... and I'm not. I agree with that. But I have lived with it before. My parents used to do the same exact things and they didn’t stop until we (as in myself and my sisters) told them to back the fuck off. I told her that she can't let them push her around. She needs to let them know that they have no say in who she sees and that it is up to her. I told her that she doesn't have to do it now and that she can wait to build up the courage to do it and when the time is right, do it. She replies with "in time, so don't push it". I wasn't pushing it, i was just saying, you know? I know you can relate because u live there too. But she seems to think i'm trying to tell her what to do. she even said " i hate when people tell me what to do, you know that." I was just giving my input. I mentioned to her that your parents think I’m a shitty boyfriend because they only ever hear about her coming to visit me… she stopped by on the way to NM, she came by during, cruise, she’s come up in secret before too… but how many times have they known when I’ve gone down there. Probably the first time I ever met them… and maybe one or two occasions where I was seen in the house. Now, how many times have I actually been down there? At least 10 times or more. All of which are unknown to your parents. I said that the sneaky secret shit is not okay with me. I don’t want a relationship that is underground. The reason why your parents dislike me is because they don’t know that I come down often. They think I’m a lazy fuck that sits around waiting for Rachel to come to me. And I’m not. I go to her as much as I can. She comes to me when it’s a convenient. I put time aside to come and spend time with her. We postponed meeting up last Wednesday because she needed time for herself… and I agreed. I’ll give her as much space as she wants. But now, she’s telling me that I might not be able to come down and see her this week because she can’t tell your parents. Even if it was for an hour, I would come down. Just one hour. I don’t want her to lie but I mean, for one hour? You can go shopping for one hour. Ugh

And one thing that has bugged me slightly is that she’s made plans to go out with guys without telling me. The whole “you’re leaving forever kid” and some other guy she made plans to go get yogurt with and didn’t give me at least a notice saying that “oh, I’m going to get yogurt with blah and blah”. She also made plans with some John Bazerra dude, or whatever his name is, and didn’t tell me either until I asked. Isn’t that something your boyfriend should know? She even said in the comment “message me” as if she didn’t want it out in the public. The john guy ended up being gay. Lol. But he’s still a guy and in my mind, he’s straight and they’re going on a date. That’s what guys think. My girl is going out, alone, with another guy. She didn’t consider me enough to tell me. She’s cheating. That’ what runs through our head.

Bottom-line is that I don’t think she loves me anymore. I really don’t. She’ done nothing lately to reassure me of that love. It's the hardest fucking thing to find but the easiest fucking thing to lose. It sits on my shoulders everyday. It’s a really hard thing to wrap my mind around… but she never says it to me anymore unless I say it first. She doesn’t seem interested in me as much. She doesn’t seem to need me. She doesn’t seem to want to see me anymore. She doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. She doesn’t seem to be interested in returning my calls. She doesn’t seem to be sexually interested in me either. And she doesn’t seem interested in trying anymore.

The point of me messaging you is to ask for your help. Idk how much help you can give but I’d really appreciate any help or advice you could provide. I’m reaching out to the closest person that might understand what we’re going through. And if worse comes to worse I don’t want you to think of me as the ass that made your sister unhappy. I want you to know what exactly what went through my mind through all of this. She seems pretty unhappy and it’s breaking my heart because I don’t know how to fix it. I’m not going to leave her. I’m here to work it out. I’ve expressed to her that we cannot give up. We have to work it out. I'm doing my best to keep a positive note on everything but she has a negative outlook on all of this. I can’t leave someone I love. I’d rather get hurt and end up a bachelor at her hand than leaving and questioning whether it would’ve worked had I stayed. I love her to death! I really do. I try to express and prove that love as often as I can but if she’s fallen out of love with me, I’ll be crushed but if she doesn’t love me, what’s the point? You can’t force someone to love you. ]]> Down in the Dumps snipza http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26087 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26085&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 20:10:02 GMT Hi all! Ive been in a seriouse relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years now and are planning our engagement,i was sure she was the one for me until a few weeks ago.We was at a party with one of her old friends and her boyfriend when after a good few drinks i noticed her being unusually over... Hi all!
Ive been in a seriouse relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years now and are planning our engagement,i was sure she was the one for me until a few weeks ago.We was at a party with one of her old friends and her boyfriend when after a good few drinks i noticed her being unusually over friendly with her friends boyfriend,constantly offering to pour him drinks etc trivial things but it was this that made me notice that everything he did she mirrored,she kept staring at him then looking at me to see if i was looking then giving him nervouse glances,its sounds stupid but he would for example pick up his phone she would then wait a few seconds then do the same,he would rub his head she would do the same,this went on for hours and i was starting to get the red mist and felt like putting this guy to sleep,but i calmed myself and said i wanted to go as it was late,she kept saying she wanted to stay although it was getting on 7am and he would give her a lift home.It may not seem like a big deal and i feel stupid,am i overreacting? is this just me being stupid? its in my mind all the time and ive asked her about it but she just denies it and says maybe she was doing these things but its just coincidence,like i sad it happened for hours and about 50 times,cant be coincidence,so shes lying to me also,apart from her being a great beautifull person the thing that i loved about her was that i felt so trusting in her,im not sure if i canntrust her anymore ]]> Down in the Dumps mark999 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26085 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26081&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 16:00:54 GMT I am currently having a problem with my girlfriend..she has changed a lot since we first met..she is very demanding now and everything has to be her way..in other words it's like she always has to be right..and when i try to come to a compromise she doesn't want to even consider hearing what i have to say..like there was one plate and one fork in the sink and she wanted them washed..i said i'd do it..but she wanted it done then and now and she never believes me when i say i'll do things..she never gives me a chance to prove myself..like my mother not letting me grow up for example when i was younger..then she wanted to go to bed and i wasn't tired and so she got furious..she acts like whenever she wants to go to sleep that i have to go to sleep too..so she purposely laid down pretty much on top of me on the side of the bed i was sitting on and she just got up then and turned off the tv in the middle of me watching it..she doens't care about my feelings at all it seems like she only cares about her feelings..she even cheated on me in the past..well she said we were broken up but its not true we were just arguing and she said she met her ex in the bar and went to his house..she said they STARTED having sex but then she said she thought about me and couldnt go all the way with him and so she said she stopped..i dont know whether to believe this or not..i forgave her and i have moved on i dont question her at all about it anymore..but she constantly brings up my ex to me and thinks that i still have feelings for my ex..i dont even talk to my ex at all..i was forced to talk to my ex after my girlfriend wrote her online telling her that i wanted her back just because she was mad at me..my ex called my house and i called her back asking her what the hell was going on..i had to explain that my gf was mad at me and that she was being childish..i mean talk about angry..i shouldnt have had to talk to my ex i didnt ever want to talk to her again anyways..and finally my gf calls me telling me that she wants to have sex and i live long distance and she starts saying that im not there for her when she wants to have sex and basically saying that if i dont come and have sex with her were done or she'll probably go have sex with somebody else..so a few days go by and shes not talking about having sex anymore and i got kind of worryed but i didnt say anything..then i went to see her and she starts treating me really nice and she never treated me this nice since we first got together..she said it was because she missed me..but at the same time she picks fights with me over the littlest things and i feel as if shes trying to cover up something like a guilty conscience..i dont know what to do..i cant change her..i know i cant have her treat me better by just asking because she'll just say that i treat her like shit..i dont even do anythgin to her that is wrong..i clean up after her..i come to her house and her house is a complete disaster its in the same condition it is when i leave and come back every time..and she gets on me about washing a single plate and a fork when theres no way i could tell her to clean her room right away..its like everything has to be her way when she wants it or not at all..and she doesnt seem to care what i have to say about it..i dont know what to do and i dont know if shes trying to cover anything up with her aggressive behavior either..please help!!! ]]> Down in the Dumps brick1212 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26081 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26071&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 04:09:30 GMT hey guys, ive fallen for a girl who i dont think has fallen for me but she really really likes me but doesnt want a relationship either and i do. i finally decided to tell her that i love her and that we should stop talking before i get hurt and she was not happy at all at the idea. she always... hey guys, ive fallen for a girl who i dont think has fallen for me but she really really likes me but doesnt want a relationship either and i do. i finally decided to tell her that i love her and that we should stop talking before i get hurt and she was not happy at all at the idea. she always hints that she likes to go out party drink etc etc pretty much meaning she loves the single life. any help guys? what should i do? do i keep persuing jsut cause im in love? or should i jsut throw in the towel before i get hurt? ]]> Down in the Dumps mazo21 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26071 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26068&goto=newpost Mon, 06 Sep 2010 01:43:47 GMT My ex gf and I broke up about a week and a half ago after a 1 year relationship. Literally a day after our breakup, she enters into a rebound relationship with some guy. I know she's doing this because she doesn't want to deal with the pain of the breakup. I really want her back because I still love her, and I get the feeling she still loves me as well. We had a very loving relationship, but the both of us allowed our differences to tear a hole in our relationship.

After our breakup, she wished me well and still wanted to talk to me. At first, I was enraged. A few days later, I sent her an email telling her that I forgave her and that I wished her well. She appreciated the email and told me that she missed me and missed talking with me.

After that, I had no contact with her until today. She texts me out of the blue telling me that she watched a movie last night that reminded her of me. It was a movie the two of us saw when we first got together. We had a friendly conversation afterwards.

So what should I do to get her back? I know that rebounds don't usually last long, but how can I position myself to get her back when it eventually fails? Should I keep myself relatively silent and just let her slowly talk more and more to me? Or should I take small bits of initiative?

Also, another thing I need advice on: Before we broke up, I promised her I would buy her a certain painting that she really liked. I'm going to try and find it and send it to her. Question is, how should I time it? Should I wait a month? Two? Or should I send it soon?

Any advice would be appreciated!! ]]> Down in the Dumps duran_ii http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26068 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26066&goto=newpost Sun, 05 Sep 2010 20:50:24 GMT After 3 years of dating, my girlfriend wanted to call it an end last night. Our relationship was already hanging by a thread and this weekend was supposed to be an eventful weekend with us working on things and me showing her that I wanted to be with her and work on us. I won’t go into the full... After 3 years of dating, my girlfriend wanted to call it an end last night. Our relationship was already hanging by a thread and this weekend was supposed to be an eventful weekend with us working on things and me showing her that I wanted to be with her and work on us.

I won’t go into the full details but what I want to mention is that at the end of the day it was mostly on me for the fact that I would often focus on trying to discuss our problems rather than work on the solution. Additionally not always consciously considering her feelings or what she wanted to do didn’t help.

The break up conversation is what got to me. We had our arguments and I thought it was wrapping up. As she started to walk out, I told her I would have her clothes and books back to her by the end of the week. The look on her face then completely changed and she said I was unbelievable, in that I was going to let her walk away. I assumed that she had made up her mind and no amount of talking or arguing could change that. Furthermore, my intention was to give her space and to show her in a week or two my progress to want to work on this for us.

Obviously no guy is a mind-reader, but in that I thought that she wanted me to be more aggressive and had a desire to work things out? But the body language and her tone while talking (in addition to her saying this is the end of us) lead me to think she didn’t want this anymore.

So now I’m here trying to figure out what to do and how to tackle this as I still do want to be with her.To note we are similiar in that we are both indepdent, hard-headed and emotional to an extent. The pros that she still may want to be together is for one the above example when she said I did nothing to stop her, her still having the keys to my house, and also finding out today that after running into her mother the fact that she did not tell her mother about it. ]]> Down in the Dumps JoeDurant4 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26066 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26057&goto=newpost Sat, 04 Sep 2010 18:20:58 GMT I feel as if I don't deserve real happiness in a relationship and life and i don't know why, I'm on medication for depression and I think maybe it's the depression playing tricks on my mind but, I also feel i'm not a real person who deserves happiness like everyone else.

I think i'm just going to be rejected by everyone that has loved me in a relationship and i don't know how to get out of this vicious thinking pattern, surely it isn't normal to think like this right??

I've had a lot of compliments on my looks through my life but idon't believe them, I think my current girlfriend will leave me even though she says she loves me and wants a future with me but somehow I don't believe it, but i'll have some good days where i think she loves me and I do trust her, but then a week later I feel crappy again :(

It's like I think I'm cursed and don't deserve any happiness and any happiness i do get it will be taken away shortly, is this normal to think this??

Anyone feel like this, I would love you all to help me with this, going through a ruff patch right now...I just want to enjoy this relationship and know I'm like everyone else and deserve love and happiness!!

What do i do to getrid of this??

Do I stop thinking/analyzing so much. Do i tell my demon that what it's telling me is a big fat lie...

Please help guys :) Thanks! ]]> Down in the Dumps jonahwhufc http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26057 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26054&goto=newpost Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:14:55 GMT It will be three weeks since my girlfriend broke up with me for reasons in my other posts. Since then we have been texting each other and stuff about our days, new cars, etc. And she wanted to meet a couple of times, because of her coming off the pill and that she might be pregnant. But we met... It will be three weeks since my girlfriend broke up with me for reasons in my other posts. Since then we have been texting each other and stuff about our days, new cars, etc. And she wanted to meet a couple of times, because of her coming off the pill and that she might be pregnant. But we met after that a couple of times to go shopping (she asked me, when ever she laid down a hint of going up town shopping i would change the subject, till she eventuall said "are you gona up town with me then"). So we went up a couple of time, just as friends, and it was amazing, laughing joking, i think on the edge of flirty but not pushing. Anyway after a couple days of this, i talked to her before i dropped her off (she said she wasn't supposed to be seeing me because her mum is still angry at me, her dad is cool though), i just cut the crap and said it as it was. That i couldn't "just" be friends with her, i have to many feeligns for her, that she looked so beautiful in the clothes she tried on to day and that it would hurt me to see her with another guy. I just couldn't let her go like that, and i wanted it to be more.
She said she needed time, that there wasn't another guy amd she wouldn't be ready for another relationship like that, like with another guy.
She said if it hurt so much to see her, we should calm it down. I say, i still want to see you, but its the friend thing.
So i go football practice, cleared my mind a bit and a couple of hours later, i text her to ask if she wants to get a drink, which she declines and says that we need to calm it down a bit after what i said.
So i text her what she means to me, that i know she is my soulmate, the past can not be forgotten, but i have so much time to make it up.
That was a day ago and i have made no contact since, her neither, is she thinking about it? Is "no" news, good news for now, im sure she would of responded with a "no, i dont feel the same straight away".
So anyway, she's going up town tonight and im arranging something, so maybe she'll see me, im on the fence here, as that might appear kind of stalkerish, and weird. But i've asked mates to contact me first to make it look like it ain't my idea to go.
She's going up to see her "best" friend...which practically ignored her during the time we was together, and now i am worried that she'll get rejected by this friend, as now this "best" friend has a boyfriend which she has been with for a year or so. I was thinking, that when she does get pushed into the "friend" bin tonight, that at least if she saw me up there, she might come to me, because she knows i'd actually talk to her properly, and she might realise what she has missed, or I don't go at all, and when she falls i won't be there to pick her up, and she'll realise that way? ]]> Down in the Dumps nugget http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26054 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26035&goto=newpost Fri, 03 Sep 2010 22:09:12 GMT ok, I been in a five month relationship, three day....six hour.....one day....yep, might get where I am coming from....Guys seem to just ask me out and mess with my trust and heart. Been getting these sort of "men" back to back.

My ex of 10 years came back in my life. He wanted to "make things work" and how "sorry" he was for hurting me so much in the past. Just about everything he has been telling me, I heard from his mouth before. This guy has the history of "wanting to make things work" then all of the sudden he leaves me for another...Doesn't say a thing. Poof! Like the rest of them been doing in a way. He is like the king of all this shit. I know, you might be wondering why I take him back. Its easy to fall in love but so hard to fall out. I hope most of you know what that's like. I been so lonely, and have so many issues with trust and afraid of people leaving me. My ex, knows who I am inside and out. I don't have to start all over.

Is there anything I can do? Why do "men" to this stuff? Is there any one out there who wouldn't put someone through this? and this stuff is only the half of what I am telling you. I have Major trust problems. Seems to show some when I get in a relationship. I try really hard to not show that to easy. Will I ever trust again? Is there ways I can work on that? ]]> Down in the Dumps bbreeze413 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26035 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26029&goto=newpost Fri, 03 Sep 2010 14:35:13 GMT Ok so here it goes...I got dumped by this guy I have been seeing for just over 1 year. When we had started going out together, none of us had any intentions that it would develop into something serious but it did. We had our usual fights, but who does not and I always thought that they were normal.... Ok so here it goes...I got dumped by this guy I have been seeing for just over 1 year. When we had started going out together, none of us had any intentions that it would develop into something serious but it did. We had our usual fights, but who does not and I always thought that they were normal. The thing is that I never got the hint that may be he is serious about breaking up until suddenly 2 weeks back he said that we need to break up, since he does not see a future with us nor does he think we are compatible anymore. A little history about our relationship, he said that he loved me about a month back, when I had just moved in with him and we were living together. At that time I was in much of a shock kand could not respond to him back and I told him that I liked him very very much but I am not too sure if I ready to say that I love you too and he understood. Now a month later he drops the bomb on me, just when I was thinking of giving him a surprise and say that I love him too. When we broke up, I was really miserable and begged for atleast giving us another shot and told him all I was planning, but it didnt matter to him anymore. He said that he also loves me but he just doesnt see us together anymore. I moved out of his place the next day. While I was moving out, I left him a letter saying how sory I was if I ever hurt him during our relationship and the reason why I could not say I love him when he said that to me. He sent me an email back saying that after reading my letter, he has started to think about his decision a LITTLE BIT but for the time being he needs time alone; he said that he still like me and still wants us to be friends and may be in the future, we can give us another shot, but he does not want to get my hopes up. A week after, I needed help to move into a new place and I asked him if he could help me move my stuff to the new place, since he was the one who offered to help me in the first place. So when I asked him, he said that he is not sure and he might have plans that day. Anyways, 2 days later, he said that he was free and he will help me move, if I still neeeded his help. So he helped me the next week and once we were done, he asked me if I could help him setup his computer which he had just bought. I agreed to help him out in return and after that we went out for dinner. It was a casual meeting and none of us talked about relationship or breakup. It has been one week now and he still has not contacted me or even said hi online, when he is online on MSN. 2 days back he suddenly messages me and says that he needs some more help with his new computer, and so I went to his place to have a look and help him out, the meeting was still the same, casual as if we were just firends. Now the thing is that I still have very strong feelings for him and want us to get together but I get the feeling that he only contacts me when he needs my help, other than that he does not even care about me. The night we broke up, he said that he has been thinking of breaking up since some time now and tonite he decided that he wants us to break up.

I do not know what to do next, I am so confused.....should I keep on trying, may be start as a friend again or should I go talk to hiim or give him more time?? I am just scared that by the time he startes to miss me, he might start dating someone else. Please help with your advise and tell me what can I do :( ]]> Down in the Dumps greg72 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26029 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26028&goto=newpost Fri, 03 Sep 2010 13:47:36 GMT Ok Im really hoping anyone can help me with this. : ) Its quite long sorry about that I didnt realize I was going to type this much. My ex and I of about a year and a half broke up around a month and a half ago. It devestated me when it happened and I didnt see it coming. We have a long history... Ok Im really hoping anyone can help me with this. : ) Its quite long sorry about that I didnt realize I was going to type this much.

My ex and I of about a year and a half broke up around a month and a half ago. It devestated me when it happened and I didnt see it coming. We have a long history of getting in alot of fights but they are quickly fixed. Things had been getting wierd between us for a little bit like we were getting distanct. Earlier in the relationship I had made mistakes with talking to this other guy like I shouldnt have. I never cheated but me and this guy had made plans to meet up and well you know what happens from there but each time I could never follow through with it and I wouldnt go meet him. I would try to hide it but as I figured out im horrible at hiding things and my ex found out each time (3 times total) and I know it really really hurt him. He already had some trust issues from a past relationship and I know this made it worse. So with all that going on plus our fighting getting worse I can understand why we got this way.

We ended up breaking up because I got mad at him one day and texted him and said we were done which I didnt think much of when I did it because I was just mad and I didnt really mean it and we have both said that before not meaning it. And it just went from bad to worse. He started completly ignoring me and my text he wouldnt even talk it out. When he would text me he was say he still loved me and missed me too and he realized he was hurting me but he needed time away from the fighting and that it was hard. I only got to see him in person one time and thats becuase I went to his house without telling him and he was there. When I got there he told me the same thing he needed time and I really needed to give him space but along with that I got hugs and kisses which only made me miss him worse. He promised to see me before I left for the beach but never did he just ignored my text asking when he wanted to. ( he had also promsed to call me twice but then never did)

I made the HUGE mistake of contantly texting or calling him because I was desperate to get him back which def made it worse because he started being a real jerk to me and it just made him mad. We ended up seeing each other one last time and it was bad he told me he didnt want to see me and started yelling at me and I ended up slapping him in the face (which i do regret but things like this have happened between us before). After that I texted him and said I was so sorry for doing that and he basically told me I have no chance now which killed me but I realized I cuased.

I also found out from one of his friends after we had broken up that he had been seeing someone for two months behind my back and that made alot of sense to me. I feel like me talking to that boy so many times helped to cause that happening. Im not saying what he did is right but I can understand why atleast. I also heard he is seeing someone else now and I cant believe he would just move to someone else when I cant even think of being with another.

Me and him had talked about getting married and even discussed how we wanted our future to go. He bought me a promise ring that I wore until we could get enough money and everything for the wedding and plus we didnt want to rush it to fast.
I still love him very much and after talking to one of his friends he said that he thinks my ex still loves me deep down but right now he is just not the same. His mom and I spoke to and she said just to give him some time too. I would be willing to forgive him for cheating and work past everything no matter how much work it would take because I believe he and our relationship is worth it. I have been reading some stuff on how to get relationships back and I have started with the no contact and its been about a week and a half of no contact so far. I feel like this wont help. I dont know what to do. I hope someone can offer me advice. : ) Thanks ]]> Down in the Dumps Kissieb1 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26028 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26024&goto=newpost Fri, 03 Sep 2010 02:27:46 GMT I am usually not one to post in forums on personal matters but I'm completely lost here. A year ago, I seperated from my wife of 6 years. We had not been in love for a long time and both knew it was going to happen anytime. We planned for it and decided to work together as parents. When the separation did occur it was not pretty. My wife wanted to take contol of the home and kids so she got an order of protection. She tells me now that's exactly what it was about. I honestly thought I was going to go looney. I had been very close to my kids. After a month, we both decided we were getting a divorce and decided to stop tring to save the marriage. We continued in counseling in attempt to save legal fees by coming to an agreemant (didn"t work).

About 2 months after the split, I met the most beautiful (both mentally an physically) person I"ve ever known. She knew the situation and offered to be there for me in whatever way I needed. I was very hurt and needed and pushed the situation faster than i should have. After a month of dating we were very serious when my counselor told me that I should wait 6 months to start dating seriously. The relationship I was in was perefect at the time. I told brittney(thats the girlfriend not the wife) and we decided we had to work very hard and be understanding to make this work. Things were ok for another months before the pressures of the divorce started affecting the new relationship. I was only seeing my kids 2hrs a week due to the order. Also My wife and I were tring to work out the divorce before a lengthy trial. There was abosolutly no feelings between my wife and I. Brittney was invited to listen into all calls but she was bothered by the fact of the shear numbers of calls and also the fact that i was tring to comprimise. She wanted a future with me and wanted as many ties as possible cut with my ex-wife. I tried to keep the relationship with brittney hidden as long as possible for fear it might be frowned on in court. Finally after about 6 months of dating we moved in together and told the ex. Also the ex and I had came to terms in the divorce but because brittney wanted a court battle i fought for another four months. Finally I got tired of no seeing my kids and gave in this past april. Brittney was not happy and we began argueing alot about. plus once the kids entered the picture she felt her son was not treated as good by me. I was just tring to make up for lost time with my kids. In june, Brittney and I finally broke up. It was a pretty nasty breakup. Thier was tons of anger and resentment and also some minor physical violence. This time since she bought a car while we were together I ended up with the house. There was also the fact that we had discussed having a baby and decided to but once fianances where all said and done, we would barely scrap by.

We had fought before and thought about splitting up but eventually came back together. This time after not talking for 2 days we finally decided to start back at the beginning and start dating. We talked about counseling also. We honestly did love each other alot but it was not a good situation for a new relationship. Over the next couple of weeks we hardly saw eachother. I knew things were different. She finally told me she was seeing someone new. The thing about that was she was telling me she loved me and missed up to the night before. She also told me she wanted to remain friends which I replied that she would have to give me a couple of months of no communication.

That was three months ago. After 2 weeks, she started calling. She had changed her number so I didnt haver it. I missed her alot even though it had been my idea to split up. I honestly never realized how much i did need her. I proposed which was shoot down. She said she missed me also. we started to see eachother on daily basis. She wanted reamin friends and said time might heal our relationship. Within a month she was engaged and living with the new boyfriend. She has never stopped coming to my house everyday. She says she loves me but she is in love with her new boyfriend. The first month and a half they were dating I did stupid things like sending him text messages and video of her at my house. He does not believe me so I have gave up because it doesnt do anything but destroy her trust in me. At the same time though she's never really got mad at me about it either just more cautious. I know she isnt honest with him. He doesnt want her around me at all. Slowly she has stopped telling me she loves me all the time, The situation hurts me but at the sametime i hope I can repair some of the damages of the past. She does not have alot friends and I always told her we should be best friends first. She has told me once i get my relationship with my ex wife completely ironed out (child support through the courts, the home not in my name (its been forclosed on now) , and only talk to her once a day about the kids) then we might have a chance again. Its apparent that she cares alot about me to jeopardize her new relationship to see me. Thier is nothing physically besides an occasional hug or peek on the lips. That makes me feel good about our relationship. I would like everything to work out, I'm just afraid she is messing with my head. With my house in foreclosure and child support due for a review, alot should change in the next couple of months. She has acted very jealous of prople i have dated and actually got into with one. I informed her that if i was to find someone new I could no longer talk to her. I do not want to be in a dishonet relationship. She replied if I envisioned us together then she was afraid if we lost contact we would never regain it. She confuses the hell out of me and sometimes i just want to never talk to her again. I dont know what to believe, its not like she gets money or anything from me. I'm just tring to get some input from everyone. does she still love me and is just afriad? is she playing games with my head? is there a chance in hell for us? I am so confused. Also what should my next course of action be. ]]> Down in the Dumps sillyheart http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26024 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26020&goto=newpost Fri, 03 Sep 2010 01:19:53 GMT Thanks for taking the time to read this.. but here it is.

My gf of 5 months dumped me 2 weeks ago ...

This is the reason why..


I've been a great bf but I've also screwed up a few times pretty bad..

So this is the reason why we broke up..
One time at a water park she upset me quite a bit and when she tried to talk to me i lightly pushed her away because I really needed my space.. she got really upset and decided to break up with me..

She said she hates it when guys lay their hands on girls.. but to me that was a very very light push.. afterwards she decided to get back with me..

So then 2 weeks ago I realized that she "forgot" to tell me something (related to her and other guys) so I went into a rage and did the same thing.. but I did it to really set her off..

She ended it this time and said that if I did that on purpose, what will I do by accident?

After the break up.. she still likes me.. but just cannot allow herself to be with me anymore..

She wants to be my "Best friend" because she says I'm a great person. She is not saying this to make me feel better, that's why this is so hard for me. She said she never had a true best friend and so far I understand her the best..

What should I do now?

( And yes I know I've done something truly stupid and deserve to get dumped, that's why I'm here.. please try your best to hold back your angry comments and help me out :( ) ]]> Down in the Dumps northernlights http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26020 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26007&goto=newpost Wed, 01 Sep 2010 23:47:37 GMT Hello everyone (sorry for the length),

So I met this French girl (22) while on holiday two months ago. Spent a weekend with her and we got on well. The last day she comes round for a barbeque and we sleep with each other that night. Most intimate moment I've ever had with someone and in the middle of it says she feels like she's known me for a long time. Took her to the train station, kissed each other goodbye, she cries. Asks me when I'm moving back to France, if it's this September or next (next year). She gives me all of her contact info. I do the same.

We spoke to each other (always in French, and I'm not fluent) at least every other day for two weeks after that. Then on a trip back home her parents tell her out of nowhere that they're getting a divorce. I'm trying to help her through it. A week later she decides she needs to get away from the stress of the divorce and sets off for Spain. We spoke every few days when she had Internet and she'd send me cute updates on Facebook. So she's settled in Madrid for a few days before beginning a month-long travel in Spain. I mentioned that if she's interested, I could visit her at the end of it and we could go back to Paris together. She's into it and we make plans, find flights, etc.

Two days later she sends me a message saying she's excited that I'm coming but that she's scared. She's worried we don't know each other well enough, that it could be awkward after a few days. We chat and she says she's afraid that she'll disappoint me, afraid she's not ready, didn't realize what was happening and that everything's happened too fast. Can't be in a serious relationship with someone 9 hours away. Her life's not stable right now (true) and that she's had an 'impossible love' before and it was too painful. The last relationship she was in was painful as well. She doesn't see a path for this one. In the end she would feel selfish asking me to go all that way to see her, especially if it didn't work. And if we're both hurting so much because of this conversation now, it's only going to be worse if we end up doing it in person. She says I can come if I really want, but I can tell she that now she doesn't want me to. I make a fool of myself because I misunderstood the context of a few crucial words. She's leave for four weeks and will only have Internet at cafés maybe once a week.

Realizing I misunderstood some key bits I sent her a message telling her as much and that I'm not upset. Everything's fine. I'll leave her alone until she contacts me. 10 days later we talk and I say she was right. It went too fast. Let's slow down and take 1000 steps back. I just want to get to know her. No pressure, no expectations. She says she's happy to hear what I'm saying. Of course we can take steps back. I'm chuffed.

Here's where it gets weird and I bodger it. A few hours after that reconciliation chat she posts a video on Facebook, a really sad song and the video's of a girl going through all the stages of love, breaking up, crying, joy, etc, but it's shot in reverse, so she's literally taking the steps back. I thought nothing of it at the time. A few days later her status update is something about being sad, confused, etc. I start to think that maybe the video wasn't a coincidence. Sent her a short cute message asking after the trip. Then said maybe I'm crazy but was that video meant to say everything's not ok with you? Hope you're not sad. Everything'll be fine.

She doesn't respond but has clearly gone through my profile and clicked 'like' on a few things. Then posts another video, this one about impossible loves, how they always let the singer down, etc. No way this is a coincidence. I'm worried she's misunderstood and thinks I've broken her heart. Facebook and Skype both say she's at the computer but she doesn't respond to chat. A few hours later she comments on a friend's wall. She must've seen my messages. I assume she's ignoring me because she's mad. I try to Skype a bit later, nothing. I send her a message on it and make a complete fool of myself. Saying I like her. I didn't mean to hurt her. I want to see her again, have some tea, go to le Louvre, etc.

An hour later she sends a message on Facebook. She is staying at a friend's and left the computer connected. She's only popping on the computer once in a while to email. But that she's not sad, actually happy. That she was just feeling nostalgic and the videos were perhaps 'a bad choice'. And that she'll have the Internet for the next week so we'll be able to talk.

That was a few days ago. I'm not doing anything until she contacts me. I made myself look like such a fool, showing her I care way too much for the second time. I'm sure she wants nothing to do with me now.

Was I really that egotistical to think those videos were about me? Did I miss loads of signs along the way to tell me to back off? Everything was fine until the last 3 weeks when we were only able to talk once a week because I started to read too into everything after a few days of silence. I'm absolutely gutted even though it's so silly. Can't study or work. ]]> Down in the Dumps JELEF http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=26007 http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=25996&goto=newpost Tue, 31 Aug 2010 12:32:35 GMT I was dating this guy for close to two months. We had a connection, I thought. Well, while dating, I told him that my ex- husband, who said he filed for divorce and that it was final … after I filled out paperwork…, now tells me that we are still married and had hopes I would change my mind in the future. So, that he never submitted paperwork that we signed. I am horrified and I explained the situation to the guy. He was shocked… he looked very upset. Then came the issue of what he was feeling. He said we were fine. I went away to London, for one week, for a planned vacation I made 6 months ago. I come back to him telling me on the phone that we should be friends. That yes, the divorce was a small issue for him but we need to focus on being friends because it’s bad timing for him right now. He stated that between him selling his condominium and moving to a rental… until he find a home to buy has been extremely frustrating and overwhelming for him. I tried and tried to convince him all this weekend through text... to please reconsider and we should meet to talk about things. And if after meeting he still feels this way that I have no choice but to respect it. Well, he kept blowing me off that he’ll call me and we’ll see. Until finally, he said yesterday he’s not interested in meeting and I need to respect his decision. Well, I am completely hurt! I went back on to the online dating to find that after weeks he wasn’t on… he recently went on! That was another stab to my heart. How should I approach this?? ]]> Down in the Dumps Missinglove http://www.relationship-forums.com//showthread.php?t=25996