when to get physical with a girl and is she the one- etcc and other stuff

[joe]

ok met the gal off the net -first time we met it was coffee-good chat she talks a lot which is good, last night was dinner at tgi's-i paid for it total 30 bucks. so far we jsut been chatting about school and her new job as a finanical services person....life, movies, her freinds, HS, music....what not. the thing is i haven;t kissed, hold hands, or done any physical activty with her yet-since i not sure when to do that-25 never had a gf or even dated. i don;t want to come off too fast and lose her but i don't want to go too slow and get into the freind zone.
when is a good time to kiss or show some physical sides-holdhands, cuddle..etc. also i don;t even now how to kiss-how can i practice and wheere should i kiss her-it be at some public place i guess.
also at the same time i don;t want to spend too much or any money, i'm a student, she works-but low wages. shes nice but i still hardly now her and not sure if this girl is even my type-personaitly wise, we did chat a lot though-i'm so inexp that i don;t even now what i'm looking for and if shes the one.

physical looking shes avg looking, i like to go for the trendy clothes hot import model looking types but i get rejected and can't even get a date with one of those-most of those type of girls have bfs already-since they are so hot.

also we both live at home-so far my place is out of the quesiton my folks are always at home,not sure about hers. no car either so its like we do we do it. hotel -well too much $$
any suggestions

[FiddleStix]

don't start worrying about a hotel if you havn't even kissed her.

When you're out with her start touching more, putting you hand on the small of her back when you're going into a place, or up stairs. You've been on 2 dates now? I would say date 3 would be a great time for that first kiss. Don't worry about being good or anything. When the date is over and you're saying your goodbyes lean in a little. If she leans in too, then give her the kiss. If she pulls back, then at least you know it wasn't going to happen and there are no regrets.

[Rammstein39]

I first kissed my bf on our third date, so thats not too bad of timing I would say. But I agree with the above comment... do small things like touch her back, or playfully flirt with her by tapping her with something (my boyfriend did that to me too when we first started seeing each other).

As for kissing, just go with the flow. If you get close just lean in a little and see what happens. Its not really something to practice, but if you are really clueless, read the archives in Kissing, lol.

[AllHailTheThief]

Uh...

Does she WANT you to kiss her? Is she throwing any signals your way?

[joe]

no she isn't throwing any signs in kissing . but i did ask her out for dinner and she saisd sure in a very enthusatic voice.
i guess its the guys job to initate and start it like always -i gotta try and see how it goes-kiss, hold hands lets see

[AllHailTheThief]

Eh, it's the guys job to initiate, if that's how you want to play it.

I guess I stopped dating 5th graders a while ago.

If you wanna make a move, do so. Just make sure the timing is right, and you're not laying it on her in the middle of her rigatoni.

[beeboo]

Well I came here to post a question related to this so I guess instead I will tell you what not to do.

I've been dating this guy for a month, tonight we had our 4th date and I felt like it was just friends, except he's been calling every 2-3 days and paying/asking for all the dates. He stands/walks 2 feet away from me, doesn't hold my hand and there's been no kiss yet. At the door, he just gives this awkward hug with his butt out. Frankly, this is starting to turn me off. It's almost like he thinks I have cooties or something. I *know* he is a nice guy since we have quite a few mutual friends but I am looking for a boyfriend who I can kiss and cuddle with etc, not a dinner buddy who is too afraid of me to even touch me.

[vampbarbie]

when is a good time to kiss or show some physical sides-holdhands, cuddle..etc.

There will be signels.

if shes the one. After one date this hardly matters!



also we both live at home-so far my place is out of the quesiton my folks are always at home,not sure about hers. no car either so its like we do we do it. hotel -well too much $$
any suggestions See answer one

[JHXMT]

Well I came here to post a question related to this so I guess instead I will tell you what not to do.

I've been dating this guy for a month, tonight we had our 4th date and I felt like it was just friends, except he's been calling every 2-3 days and paying/asking for all the dates. He stands/walks 2 feet away from me, doesn't hold my hand and there's been no kiss yet. At the door, he just gives this awkward hug with his butt out. Frankly, this is starting to turn me off. It's almost like he thinks I have cooties or something. I *know* he is a nice guy since we have quite a few mutual friends but I am looking for a boyfriend who I can kiss and cuddle with etc, not a dinner buddy who is too afraid of me to even touch me.

Just a thought, Beeboo, but why don't you kiss him, you take his hand, you walk closer to him, etc?

I'm with the Thief here. It shouldn't always be the guy's job to initiate. Yes, it's nice if he does, but if the lack of action is bothering you then take action!

[beeboo]

Just a thought, Beeboo, but why don't you kiss him, you take his hand, you walk closer to him, etc?

I'm with the Thief here. It shouldn't always be the guy's job to initiate. Yes, it's nice if he does, but if the lack of action is bothering you then take action!

Sorry, I should have clarified...I grabbed his hand while he was walking me home after the third date about a block before my apartment and no kiss. If grabbing someone's hand isn't a big enough signal of "I want you kiss me" then I don't know what is. I will not kiss a guy first, just how I'm raised. On the 4th date, it was back to standing 2 feet apart and hardly even touching me, so of course I was frustrated. Why ask me on dates if you aren't going to even touch me?

My point was...now that he's been acting like a friend (besides paying for the dates), I'm seeing him as a friend. I would like a boyfriend who can't keep his hands (and eyes) off me! This guy didn't even say a damn thing about how I looked!! Kinda makes me wonder...

[JHXMT]

Sorry, I should have clarified...I grabbed his hand while he was walking me home after the third date about a block before my apartment and no kiss. If grabbing someone's hand isn't a big enough signal of "I want you kiss me" then I don't know what is. I will not kiss a guy first, just how I'm raised. On the 4th date, it was back to standing 2 feet apart and hardly even touching me, so of course I was frustrated. Why ask me on dates if you aren't going to even touch me?

My point was...now that he's been acting like a friend (besides paying for the dates), I'm seeing him as a friend. I would like a boyfriend who can't keep his hands (and eyes) off me! This guy didn't even say a damn thing about how I looked!! Kinda makes me wonder...


I can guarantee that the guy is more than likely petrified, which is why he's not making any risky moves (and, yes, attempting to kiss somebody is a risky move if you're worried about having your hopes shattered). Something Nurseman says a lot on here is that you should always remember that most of us guys are stupid. As in, really stupid when it comes to little social signalling systems.

Grabbing someone's hand is a fairly big signal that you're attracted, yes...but hell, see above. Many guys simply will not risk being shot down, especially not when he's obviously invested a fair bit in the various dates, phone calls etc.

He's obviously interested. You're obviously interested. But he's too scared and you're too stubborn to make the necessary moves, no offense.

People have killed for opportunities like that. *sighs*

[stickfigure]

beeboo you kinda hijacked joe's thread by accident lol.

[Curmudgeon]

Joe, if you have to ask, the time's not right. You'll know when it is!

[lemmi]

Man i want Joe to come back and fill us in on what's been going on, he's by far my fave forumite ever!

[dtbmnec]

lemmi.....even better than Jersey Boy? ;)

Megan

[beeboo]

I can guarantee that the guy is more than likely petrified, which is why he's not making any risky moves (and, yes, attempting to kiss somebody is a risky move if you're worried about having your hopes shattered). Something Nurseman says a lot on here is that you should always remember that most of us guys are stupid. As in, really stupid when it comes to little social signalling systems.

Grabbing someone's hand is a fairly big signal that you're attracted, yes...but hell, see above. Many guys simply will not risk being shot down, especially not when he's obviously invested a fair bit in the various dates, phone calls etc.

He's obviously interested. You're obviously interested. But he's too scared and you're too stubborn to make the necessary moves, no offense.

People have killed for opportunities like that. *sighs*

I'm sorry but I still feel as if you've missed my point. I presented my story for the OP to get an idea of a girl's prospective on this from someone who is in a similar situation. By using the story, I was trying to send the message that he should make a move on his girl bc she could be losing interest the same way I did. Even though you have said that this guy more than likely is just petrified of me, I couldn't help but be turned off. What on earth is so scary about me? I've done my best to make him feel at ease and still no avail. If he too scared to even hold my hand, I can't help but wonder what else would he be scared of? Would he be submissive in every potential fight and I would always be right? Would he just be a big pushover? Would he be able to protect me if the need arises or would he run into the corner and hide his "tail" between his legs? I know that sounds archaic and cavemanish and maybe a little far-fetched for me to be thinking about those associations, but I view 6'4" him being afraid of little ol 5'4 110 lb me as weakness; I want a strong man who can protect me from harm and stand up for himself. I don't want to wear the pants in the relationship, so thus I am turned off by his lack of testicles and that's the end.

P.S. His lack of not being able to even notice my appearance after I spent 2 hours trying to look nice for him didn't help his case much either. If he isn't going to notice me on the 4th date, he sure ain't gonna notice me 6 months down the line!

[JHXMT]

I'm sorry but I still feel as if you've missed my point. I presented my story for the OP to get an idea of a girl's prospective on this from someone who is in a similar situation. By using the story, I was trying to send the message that he should make a move on his girl bc she could be losing interest the same way I did.

You're right, perhaps I did get a little carried away, for which I apologise. ;)

Even though you have said that this guy more than likely is just petrified of me, I couldn't help but be turned off. What on earth is so scary about me? I've done my best to make him feel at ease and still no avail. If he too scared to even hold my hand, I can't help but wonder what else would he be scared of? Would he be submissive in every potential fight and I would always be right? Would he just be a big pushover? Would he be able to protect me if the need arises or would he run into the corner and hide his "tail" between his legs? I know that sounds archaic and cavemanish and maybe a little far-fetched for me to be thinking about those associations, but I view 6'4" him being afraid of little ol 5'4 110 lb me as weakness; I want a strong man who can protect me from harm and stand up for himself. I don't want to wear the pants in the relationship, so thus I am turned off by his lack of testicles and that's the end.

In which case I fully agree with you. Nothing wrong with knowing what you're looking for and screening for that quality. What irked me was my misinterpretation that you really wanted to be with this guy but were unwilling to make a move yourself. If the guy making the moves is simply what you find attractive, then that changes things and I can understand your perspective.

P.S. His lack of not being able to even notice my appearance after I spent 2 hours trying to look nice for him didn't help his case much either. If he isn't going to notice me on the 4th date, he sure ain't gonna notice me 6 months down the line!

Okay, yes, that's pretty bad on his part.

Anyway, apologies for hijacking your thread, joe. ;)