LTR vs Sex

[BigJim]

how many of you have been in a LTR and NOT had sex before it became serious and long-term?

probably a better question is, how many have gone 6mths or longer with a person in a LTR and not had sex?

if so, do you think it was better for the relationship or not? explain your reasons.

[GoodWitchOfTheNorth]

Well... I've been with my boyfriend for 22 months. And he's yet to touch my boobs. Part of it is that we get very little alone time though. And when we do, we usually talk first, then do other stuff if there's time. I dunno. I feel close to him emotionally, but there are times when I wish I could, y'know, "show" him I love him. And not just because I'm a horny teenager, either.

I'm 18 and he's 16, btw.

[Bravehearter]

Well me and my gf were 'seeing' each other for a long time. Before we became a couple we knew we had feelings for each other, it just took us a while to actually realize that yes we should be an 'official' couple. It didnt take us very long to start having sex.

The gf I am with now is who I lost my virginity to, only a few months ago actually. No regrets. And it made us so much stronger I think. So did we wait..? yes and No, depends on how you want to look at it.

[super_chevy2000]

My bf and I went together for 7 and a half months before we had sex. It was really good for us to wait because that gave us time to get to know each other better and become closer before we took that step.

[stace]

my guy and i have been together for a bit oer 29 months and both are virgins, based on strong religious belifes to wait till marriage but we waited a while before even going slightly physical even the first french kiss was after a year of dating, and we've slowly progressed to more, so were waiting to have sex, but even other physical aspects we took our time with, i think it made our relationship stronget because we took the time to reall get to know each other first.

[waiting_on_an_angel]

My ex and I dated for a year and a half and did everything except sex. Our relationship was pretty physical. I'm glad we didn't have sex. It would have made it harder when we broke up, plus I see my virginity as something important and frankly, he didn't deserve it.

My current boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months as of yesterday. :) We pretty much kiss and that's basically it. We're taking things really slow. So far its been really good for us. We're building a strong emotional bond and intimacy. The rest can come later.

[Truth]

how many of you have been in a LTR and NOT had sex before it became serious and long-term?

probably a better question is, how many have gone 6mths or longer with a person in a LTR and not had sex?

if so, do you think it was better for the relationship or not? explain your reasons.


well, for me...I never had the problem of having to wait for sex all the long term relationships i have had my partner and I would have sex prettty much right within the first couple weeks of the relationsihp. Don't know why that is, just happens i guess.

[LaRêveuse]

My boyfriend and I had sex right about at the 6 month mark, so we waited, for a while. We had been pretty much committed to each other for about 9 months before that, because he was living in VA, so we didn't see each other much then anyway because of the LDR.

[Mooch]

well, me and my gf have been together 10 months an haven't yet...

she said she didn't want to yet (a few months ago), and I haven't brought it up again.

[Deidre]

Well, it wasn't entirely long-term. It was after seven months, which is longer than a lot of people wait... and it was about 6½ months after having had dinner with each other's parents, but it wasn't as serious as it is now (but still definitely not trivial).

[Crash Override]

My gf and I have been going out nearly seven months now and we've yet to have sex.

Of course, it's not MY idea. :lol:

She's one of those religious kooks.

[Mushu]

I have dated my boyfriend for almost 3 years, it'll be 3 in the beginning of June. We haven't had sex yet, and I don't plan on doing so until later. We've really gotten to know each other. Don't get me wrong, we do sexual stuff but not sex.
Mushu

[Lone Wolf]

I'm in a 5 month relationship and we haven't had sex yet - and probably won't in the next months...

I dunno if it would've changed something, though I think yes. Right now I'm in a wrong situation which could've been avoided.

BUT, the fact we haven't had sex might also be good. I want to sleep the first time with someone I truly love and who loves me back.

Confusing...

Lone Wolf :mrgreen:

[Tortuga]

My boyfriend and I waited until 8 months to have sex, and honestly, I wish we would've waited longer. I feel it actually hurt our relationship. So now we're stepping back, at least for a few months, and not having sex again so we can fix what's been damaged. Sex can be amazing, yes, but it just wasn't working for us. I feel our relationship is much better now that we're not having sex anymore. I can't speak for him, of course, but he's told me he thinks it's been good as well.

Tortuga

[Mooch]

My boyfriend and I waited until 8 months to have sex, and honestly, I wish we would've waited longer. I feel it actually hurt our relationship. So now we're stepping back, at least for a few months, and not having sex again so we can fix what's been damaged. Sex can be amazing, yes, but it just wasn't working for us. I feel our relationship is much better now that we're not having sex anymore. I can't speak for him, of course, but he's told me he thinks it's been good as well.

Tortuga

Just out of curiosity, how did it adversly affect your relationship?

[Tortuga]

Mooch,

I'll reply to you and anyone else interested in a pm...I don't want this thread to get totally off-course.

Tortuga

[musicchick2000]

my boyfriend and I were together for about 9 months when we had sex the first time. We wanted to be pretty sure we'd be together till marriage. Now we've been together for a year and 7 months and we're still going strong. I love him to death.

[cutie-pie]

My boyfriend and I waited 3 years on the dot to have sex! Because we waited that long it feels so damn right to be doing it now! It just feels so amazing that we not have yet another way of letting each other now just how much we love each other.

I just don't see the point of waiting unless it's your first time. I see sex as a recreational thing anyway.

I don't see how waiting makes things any better, except maybe for the very first time you two have it. But after that, every subsequent time is the same as if you had never waited at all...

I think sex is ok as long as you trust the other person, and that you both know what you are getting into. Some people should wait longer because they have emotional doubts about the other person, or have emotional attachments to the notion of sex (ie, they aren't ready).

In either case, waiting seems like a lot of wasted time if you ended up staying together all that time any how.


Does waiting to open a present get better if you put it off for 10 months? I think it would suck or kick ass either way, no matter how long you waited. The only difference is anticipation, which can only do so much...

My boyfriend and I waited 3 years on the dot to have sex! Because we waited that long it feels so damn right to be doing it now! It just feels so amazing that we not have yet another way of letting each other now just how much we love each other.

And I don't see how this sort of expression of "letting each other know just how much we love each other" couldn't have been expressed if you had only waited 2 years, or only 1 year. Wouldn't the expression be exactly the same? Would there be any loss in the quality of the expression because you didn't wait? Ultimately you guys DID stay together, so if you guys HAD started earlier, would there have been a difference?

You would have been able to express your love in this special way that you cliam has no other way of expressing it a LOT sooner. Doesn't that mean you have been unable to adequately express your love for your boyfriend for the last three years until that moment you had sex; that moment could have come ages ago on the day you guys felt you loved each other with true devotion. Unless you're saying it took three years to finally love each other...

As I said in my previous post, this is the sort of logic is what I can't understand.

[ShRt SwEEt*n*SexY]

me and my b/f have been goin out over 2 years and neither of us think that it woiuld help our relationship. we both also belive that sex is ment for marriage, me religiously, him for other reasons. we has tld me before that he knows we wouldn't be together if we had sex. i mean it's not the sexual stuff in our relationship that makes it strong. it's all the hard stuff we've been through, it's the comprimises we make for each other, it's telling each other the truth even if it hurts, it's being each others best friend. sex just doesn't fit in the picture.

[SoSweetAngel]

Nope - our relationship started with sex!

So long as you're not being pushed into it and you're happy, what's the big deal?
It wouldn't have been a problem for us if either of us had wanted to wait...but I just don't see the motivation.
from what I can see, it's mostly girls thinking their virginity is a beautiful, wonderful thing. It's not...it's exactly the same...nor does sex have a bad effect on a relaionship unless you're with a prick - in which case, who cares?!

[cutie-pie]

My boyfriend and I waited 3 years on the dot to have sex! Because we waited that long it feels so damn right to be doing it now! It just feels so amazing that we not have yet another way of letting each other now just how much we love each other.

And I don't see how this sort of expression of "letting each other know just how much we love each other" couldn't have been expressed if you had only waited 2 years, or only 1 year. Wouldn't the expression be exactly the same? Would there be any loss in the quality of the expression because you didn't wait? Ultimately you guys DID stay together, so if you guys HAD started earlier, would there have been a difference?

You would have been able to express your love in this special way that you cliam has no other way of expressing it a LOT sooner. Doesn't that mean you have been unable to adequately express your love for your boyfriend for the last three years until that moment you had sex; that moment could have come ages ago on the day you guys felt you loved each other with true devotion. Unless you're saying it took three years to finally love each other...

As I said in my previous post, this is the sort of logic is what I can't understand.

A lot of people put me down for having to wait that long but the truth is, by waiting this long I feel a lot better! I am very insecure about myself which makes it impossible to jump into bed with anyone soon. my boyfriend is the only person that I feel secure around but that also took a lot of time. We had to start off slow to get me be to a point where I didn't care what I look like infront of him and feel good with him! So that took a while, because I often doubted myself. And also, I wanted to prove to myself that he wanted something else from this relationship and not just sex. I'm not saying that all who had sex from the beginning their relationship is just about sex, but I needed to prove that to myself because a lot of my ex boyfriends wanted only that. I wanted things to be different with my current bf and it was! I totally admire my boyfriend for waiting this long because I know he truly loves me enough to wait for me to lose his virginity at 20! It was both our first times!

And we had other ways to express love to each other of course :) and we were fine with that! I don't regret waiting this long whatsoever! We are both perfectly happy! Plus, I don't expect you to understand this, because my relationship with my bf is very odd but special! Nobody understands us but us!

My post was pointing out this line you said:

"Because we waited that long it feels so damn right to be doing it now!"

So my whole point was whether or not waiting had actually changed how much the expression meant once you had committed it once (ie, after the first time). I was questioning whether or not the relationship would be any LESS special if you had been having sex for the last year. This is a point I bring up, since in a year from now, you'll have been having sex "for the last year" (quoted from the sentence above). Would that make your decision to have sex on the third year disregard how special it would have been to wait an ADDITIONAL year. Or what about TEN years from now, when you've been having sex for the last TEN years, would it really have mattered if you had started having sex one year earlier?

I just don't see why all the waiting was necessary. After you truly love and trust a person and you are ready, emotionally, I think further waiting is just wasting time.

Note: the term "ready" implies religious reasons and, in this case, physical insecurity. But really, did it take THREE YEARS to finally get comfortable enough to let him inside... I dunno...

[Tortuga]

cutie-pie,

Good for you on waiting until you were really ready!

Tortuga

[BigJim]

mitch, i wasn't asking about whether it was good to wait or not.

i was asking whether anyone noticed changes in their relationship.

don't screw up this topic... :roll:

[cutie-pie]

My post was pointing out this line you said:

"Because we waited that long it feels so damn right to be doing it now!"

So my whole point was whether or not waiting had actually changed how much the expression meant once you had committed it once (ie, after the first time). I was questioning whether or not the relationship would be any LESS special if you had been having sex for the last year. This is a point I bring up, since in a year from now, you'll have been having sex "for the last year" (quoted from the sentence above). Would that make your decision to have sex on the third year disregard how special it would have been to wait an ADDITIONAL year. Or what about TEN years from now, when you've been having sex for the last TEN years, would it really have mattered if you had started having sex one year earlier?

I just don't see why all the waiting was necessary. After you truly love and trust a person and you are ready, emotionally, I think further waiting is just wasting time.

Note: the term "ready" implies religious reasons and, in this case, physical insecurity. But really, did it take THREE YEARS to finally get comfortable enough to let him inside... I dunno...

There are 3 big reasons:

Do you think you can truly love someone in the first 1-3 months? I know I can't fall in love easily! I wanted to have sex when I was totally and completely in love! not when I was falling in love because to me (my own view) if you can fall quickly in love, you can fall quickly out of love! Having been with him for 3 years means we have so much history and so much love and goodness that having to consume all that in an act only people in love should do, is just the greatest feeling! That's not to say that I didn't love him in the first 3 years! I mean as I said earlier there were other things involved here and that's my image! My image is not important to him at all, but it was to me! and I had to convince myself that he didn't care, enough so I wouldn't care!

If you really want to get down to the real solid reason for such a prolonged time of waiting it's because I'm a Hepatitis B Carrier since I was 1! I can't just have sex with anyone I want because I could give it to them. I needed to know that we were cautious (I went on the pill 6 months before we had sex and we always use condoms) and that he was willing to risk anything! My disease is spread through bodily fluids and he was/is at risk!

Also, I am very proud to have waited that long no matter what anyone says!

And thank you Tortuga! It's too bad that sex made things worse in your relationship! But there's one thing that you can be proud of! After you realized sex made things wrong, he didn't give up on you and your relationship! He obviously loves you because he wants to work things out and give up sex! It takes a lot to take something OUT of a relationship! All the best for you!

Do you think you can truly love someone in the first 1-3 months? I know I can't fall in love easily!

When did I ever say 3 months? I was asking if 3 years was really necessary!

Besides, you having a STD from pretty much birth makes you quite the exception, so I don't think what I said even applies.


Besides, Nate wants this on topic. I'm out.

[Tortuga]

Okay, this probably isn't appropriate here, and I'm sorry...but is starfish always this much of a cranky-butt?

Tortuga

[Deidre]

If you really want to get down to the real solid reason for such a prolonged time of waiting it's because I'm a Hepatitis B Carrier since I was 1!

That absolutely sucks. So, I suppose the two of you have had sex, but not kissed then. I can see why it'd take so long for a healthy physical relationship to evolve...

Okay, this probably isn't appropriate here, and I'm sorry...but is starfish always this much of a cranky-butt?

Tortuga


It's just I try very little to appease or make my words seem nice... So if they come off mean, bah, whatever. Get it?

(also note my picture sig 'raspy dude')

[BabyDiva]

Went 5 years before our breakup...never had sex. I'm still a virgin now (coming up on a year since our breakup). I don't know about him.

It didn't hurt the relationship and made it more interesting in my opinion. We had to find other creative ways to use the time we were together since I didn't want to have oral or regular sex.

Just me I guess.

[goofball]

maybe you shold start masturbating

[moonangel]

Wow, I can't believe the amount of people here who have waited/are waiting so long. I mean, don't you just want to jump on them and rip their clothes off and just DO IT? Don't get me wrong, I admire your convictions, and it takes willpower to hold off that long, BUT .. surely there's MORE people out there, that don't wait, that aren't posting?

I guess I just feel a bit slutty now ... my first relationship I waited 9 months till we had sex. Then after that ended, I had a one-night stand. After that, I abstained for about 10-11 months, even though I easily could have had sex with 30 guys ... then Adam came along and I jumped him straight away because he was amazing, and we had a relationship which ended after 2 months. Since then, I've been pretty bad ... right now I'm sorta in a relationship that started from sex ...

[hunny]

Never made it that long, no.
My first time was with a guy I'd only been dating for a couple of months.
It was, in retrospect, the dumbest move I'd ever made. Not that I shouldn't have had sex, but that I shouldn't have had it with HIM!! Arghh! I'd turned down far better boyfriends than him.
My last relationship before this one, we waited about 5 months. Long enough for us, because by then we were both so sure that it was the right thing to do, it wouldn't have mattered if we'd waited longer, I don't think.
You asked if it changed the relationship in any way. Interesting question, because I DO think sex changes things in some ways, some good and some bad. On the plus side, the physical intimacy brought us closer, emotionally. But that same closeness seemed to bring about a sort of 'power shift', in the sense that I felt so much more attached after sex (I still have that problem) and then I felt like he had more of the 'upper hand', relationship-wise. I hope that makes sense.

[Cashew]

It was 16 monthes for us last week, and we haven't had regular sex, only oral, and since I won't give a blowjob (:P Eww...) at this point, I'm the only one receiving. We've just done things gradually, and I think it's been good for our relationship. We're extremely close, and I'm glad that we've done things this way. I always here about how awkward things get when people go too fast, and how some people can't even meet their partners eyes... I have an awful body image, so if I'd been pressured to go any faster we would've been over pretty quickly. In another six monthes this could all change of course, but this is how things stand right now.

[sweet-one]

I've never had sex and my longest relationship is going on almost 19 months

[zoe]

from what I can see, it's mostly girls thinking their virginity is a beautiful, wonderful thing. It's not...it's exactly the same...nor does sex have a bad effect on a relaionship unless you're with a prick - in which case, who cares?!

I disagree. Personally, the first person I have sex with I will remember forever. I can either be happy about that decision forever, or regret that decision forever. I'm very self-conscious, and I'm very worried about everything I do. When I lose my virginity, I want it to be because I love the person, and I feel like I could be with them forever - not because I'm horny. Although, I may convey differently sometimes, I would never have sex unless I was so happy and so deeply in love that it's the only thing I could do to make things even better in our relationship. Don't get me wrong - I would love to have sex right now. Hell, I wanted to have sex today, but it just wouldn't have been right. I'm with the right guy.. but I'm just so stressed, and emotionally unstable right now, that I think it could screw things up between us. Us doing sexual things today made me feel like we were drifting apart. I don't know, I just seem to be making everything physical lately. *Sigh* I have problems expressing my emotions in other ways, I guess.

Ok, I'm done. lol

But then again, everyone has different beliefs.

To stay on topic - no, and I never will have sex out of a LTR.

[-Tokyo-]

2 years....no sex. Then again...we were like 14 when we started going out so that *probably* has a lot to do with it.

[Spriff]

I have dated my boyfriend for almost 3 years, it'll be 3 in the beginning of June. We haven't had sex yet, and I don't plan on doing so until later. We've really gotten to know each other. Don't get me wrong, we do sexual stuff but not sex.
Mushu

Same for me, I've been dating my bf for almost 3 years, and we're waiting until we're married.

[Kishi00]

My girlfriend and I waited over six months to have sex. And I think that it would have been better if we would have waited longer. Things just started to go wrong once we had sex. Like not in the bedroom but we started to gear our lives together more towards sex than to each other. I was her first so I can understand why we wanted to have sex a lot. But it started to seem like that's all we did and we moved away from the emotional part of the relationship to more of a physical relationsip. So we stopped for a while but we are talking about starting to have sex again so I'll let you all know how it works out. I think it's going to be alright. Has anyone else had sex and then took a break and then started having sex again? If so, did you're relationship last? Was it weird?
:evil2: Kishi :evil2:

[Barefoot Matt]

I waited just under 4 months with my current gf, who is also my first gf. Not terribly long, but long enough that we both considered it an LTR, and we both loved each other dearly. I have no regrets, and I don't expect that I ever will. Just for reference, I kissed her after about a week, french kissed a week after that, and fingered after a month or two. The whole relationship moved relatively quickly, but no relationship can really be analysed relative to another. Each is unique, and each moves on its own timeline.