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JohnSmith
March 12th, 2006, 01:33 PM
So it's been a while since ive regularly posted on these boards although i still lurk in the dark from time to time. I generally think I have a good grasp on things, but with nobody to talk to and nowhere else to go, I figured I may as well come back to the place that has helped me out so many times before.

Let me give you a little backstory before I go forward with my question. The girl that I am with now I met via myspace, she found me when she noticed me outside. That being said, she was the girl who lived below me. When we started dating, she was living with her ex boyfriend because he was moving out of state and he was just there for like a week or two. We started dating everything was going great. We dated for a month going out sleeping over etc. etc. We then decided hey lets be exclusive. So two months have gone by.

Now here is where I am. We are still together barely, she says that we are spending to much time together etc. So I give her space. But she promises me things like oh I will see you tonight and then will go get drunk and pass out. The next day I say, thanks for flaking on me last night, and she yells and me and tells me things like why are you smothering me etc etc and that maybe we shouldn't be together. Then i say, well are we breaking up? She says no. So i said okay, and then I ask if I can see her tonight. She says I don't kno and hangs up the phone.

That was today. This thing happens like once every few days, she says she isn't happy so i say then maybe we shouldn't be together. She says maybe im right, but then comes over and we are happy and then its like nothing ever happened.

Im just so tired of this, im tired of her hurting me then blaming me for it. I don't do anything wrong, she wants to go out, im fine with i don't bother her when she is out and i give her the space she wants, but she always plays these games with me...

I dont kno what to do... i love her, but I am sick of being torn apart, what do i say? what do i do? Any advice is very much appriciated

kuju
March 12th, 2006, 04:19 PM
well, you really seem to know what's wrong: she makes plans, breaks them, you complain (rightly so) and then she gets mad and thinks you're smothering her.

I think you need to talk to her about her inability to keep plans made, or at least, her inability to TELL you when she is breaking them and why.

Tessa LeAnn #2
March 12th, 2006, 11:25 PM
It doesn't sound very healthy to me. After only 3 months, most couples are still in the moon-eyes-can't-get-enough-of-eachother phase and fights like the ones you're describing haven't started happening yet. My question to you is, ARE you smothering her? How much time do you two spend together, on average? Have you ever acted in a way that could be interpreted as "clingy?" I;m trying to figure out if she has a legitimate complaint or if she's a hot-tempered drama queen who makes something out of nothing.
Tessa

eightball61
March 13th, 2006, 08:40 AM
Your mindset & her mindset are in two different worlds. She prefers to be more free while you rather be tied down and moving forward with a long-term relationship. Right now you won't get this out of this girl. You can hold on if you like but you're just going to get more hurt as time comes. There is no way in telling when her mindset will change.

JHXMT
March 13th, 2006, 11:27 AM
Hey JohnSmith, I remember you. Welcome back.

It sounds (from what you said) as if you're getting the extremely short end of the stick in this relationship. She flakes on plans you made together, yells at you for asking why, says maybe you shouldn't be together, then when you ask her "Are we breaking up?" she says no, then says she "doesn't know" if you can see her that night...

...sheesh, are you enjoying being in this relationship? You tagged on that you love her at the end of your post, but from the main content it sounds like you're just hanging on through the pain in the hopes that it will improve.

If she refuses to talk about this like an adult, then I'd advise you don't try and treat her like one. If breaking up is an option for you emotionally, then you might want to consider it, even if it's just for a short period. Get some of your enjoyable freedom back - like she's been getting.

passion452
March 21st, 2006, 06:19 PM
I think you should dump her. You deserve so much more! Do you really want to continue this relationship when obviously you aren't happy and neither it seems is she. I think she just wants you to lag behind her so that she "has" a boyfriend. Do you really want to be with a girl like that? You seem like and understanding guy. Now go find an understanding girl! XD